gentrify: (pic#11533282)
MICKEY MILKOVICH ([personal profile] gentrify) wrote in [community profile] maskormenace2017-07-04 05:50 pm

[ audio ] cw: a bit gore, a bit sexual vulgarity

[ It's only a voice that erupts over the network - clearly male, and deeply accented in what most could probably tell is Chicagoan, and if not, at least Northern and urban. That, and not terribly impressed with the state of things. ]

Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to use your limited amount of magic teleporting knick-knacks to link up to three bumfuck goddamn nowhere towns in Shitsville, Fuckyou Falls, and De Bullshit, USA? [ He only remembered the 'Falls' and the 'De' part, okay, he's improvising. You know what he means. ] I never even heard of these backwater trash dumps. They're probably run by hillbilly cannibals, and you know anything that ends is 'Falls' is gonna be a place where you lure dipshit teenagers to get the fuck murdered outta them, then probably stitched into a nasty skin sweater for ol' Billy Bob Psycho to wear to the family reunion, like that's gotta be horror movie law by now, anyone feel me on that?

[ Like 'Silent Hill', anything that sounds like it would make a nice landscape portrait is probably, most definitely, trying to kill you. That's what pop culture has taught Mickey, and he's sticking to his ghetto, thank you very much. At least no one there is a cannibal. Well, outwardly. ]

No one thought of, I dunno, New York? LA? Chicago? [ emphasis there, because that's the one he's really missing. ] Any of those places people actually give at least two almost-flaming fucks about? I dunno, maybe four, maybe some of you assholes have an excess of fucks to spread around, good for you, 'cause I'm all outta them at this point.

[ You can hear a snort, and it's easy to imagine Mickey shaking his head on the other end of the line. A brief pause, a reprieve from Mickey's stream of profane consciousness, and the last bit comes more sobered, almost bored. ]

That said, who do you gotta blow around here to get a lift to Chicago? I know a hot, ginger twink lookin' to arrange some travel plans.

Also got like a suitcase full'a knives up for trade. Hit me up.
bassackwards: (36)

[personal profile] bassackwards 2017-07-06 10:31 pm (UTC)(link)
snatched by a cult of burly dudes all dressed like identical paper towel mascots
then come the bears

wait so like kitchen knives or cool knives?
bassackwards: (28)

[personal profile] bassackwards 2017-07-08 06:57 am (UTC)(link)
just hope they're like dinosaurs and they can't see movement

and HELLS YEAH I DO
except I just got here and I don't have like
money
bassackwards: (22)

[personal profile] bassackwards 2017-07-13 03:38 am (UTC)(link)
a risky move, let's see if it pays off

uuuuUUUGH CAPITALISM
I guess that's fair though
I don't know about the whole registration thing, it seems kind of suspicious??
but free shit
bassackwards: (10)

[personal profile] bassackwards 2017-07-21 11:09 pm (UTC)(link)
that seriously happened???
holy crap! WAS HE OKAY?
this is why you can't trust anybody I guess
bassackwards: (11)

[personal profile] bassackwards 2017-07-28 08:09 pm (UTC)(link)
aw man I hope everything goes okay
that sounds CRAZY BAD

and yeah it's kinda creepy right
the registering thing
like "oh no you don't have to do anything and we'll give you free stuff"
bassackwards: (10)

[personal profile] bassackwards 2017-08-16 08:22 am (UTC)(link)
whaaaaat!!!
THAT IS SUCH A RIPOFF