[ audio ] cw: a bit gore, a bit sexual vulgarity

[gentrify]

[ It's only a voice that erupts over the network - clearly male, and deeply accented in what most could probably tell is Chicagoan, and if not, at least Northern and urban. That, and not terribly impressed with the state of things. ]

Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to use your limited amount of magic teleporting knick-knacks to link up to three bumfuck goddamn nowhere towns in Shitsville, Fuckyou Falls, and De Bullshit, USA? [ He only remembered the 'Falls' and the 'De' part, okay, he's improvising. You know what he means. ] I never even heard of these backwater trash dumps. They're probably run by hillbilly cannibals, and you know anything that ends is 'Falls' is gonna be a place where you lure dipshit teenagers to get the fuck murdered outta them, then probably stitched into a nasty skin sweater for ol' Billy Bob Psycho to wear to the family reunion, like that's gotta be horror movie law by now, anyone feel me on that?

[ Like 'Silent Hill', anything that sounds like it would make a nice landscape portrait is probably, most definitely, trying to kill you. That's what pop culture has taught Mickey, and he's sticking to his ghetto, thank you very much. At least no one there is a cannibal. Well, outwardly. ]

No one thought of, I dunno, New York? LA? Chicago? [ emphasis there, because that's the one he's really missing. ] Any of those places people actually give at least two almost-flaming fucks about? I dunno, maybe four, maybe some of you assholes have an excess of fucks to spread around, good for you, 'cause I'm all outta them at this point.

[ You can hear a snort, and it's easy to imagine Mickey shaking his head on the other end of the line. A brief pause, a reprieve from Mickey's stream of profane consciousness, and the last bit comes more sobered, almost bored. ]

That said, who do you gotta blow around here to get a lift to Chicago? I know a hot, ginger twink lookin' to arrange some travel plans.

Also got like a suitcase full'a knives up for trade. Hit me up.

Comments

[incogneto]

They're large cities here. You must come from an alternate version of Earth. We didn't have them either.

You can take the train to Chicago; it's quickest from Maurtia Falls. But you can't stay for very long.

[gentrify]

Yeah, we also didn't have the Commie scare going for fucking ever neither. Or flying cars, or bullshit wormhole machines. So I'm getting the alternate part, thanks.

Can't stay in Chicago for long? Why the fuck not?

[incogneto]

Part of the Porter technology.

You're tied to one of the cities, but you're free to permanently roam in any of them.

Have you discovered your powers yet?

[gentrify]

What're they gonna do if I fuck off to Chicago long term? Send border control after me?

I discovered the file they put in my hand. You mean try 'em out yet? No.

[namesaquestion]

What part of Not Your World don't you understand?

[... Nevermind he's still adjusting himself.]

[gentrify]

Not my world but still U S of fucking A, isn't it, dumbshit? New York, LA and Chicago are still on the map.

[ he's also still adjusting, but mostly he's just a rude person. ]

[Voice] Fourthwall is OK if it happens.

[namesaquestion]

So you come from a world with stupid names too. Hmph. Then you should be right at home, unlike those of us who come from world not like this stupid pile chanseydung.

[Two can play the rude tango.]

[voice] he knows nothing about Pokémon so probably not, but good to know!

[gentrify]

Did you just use 'dung' like a legitimate insult? Holy fuck, even in the Commie run future they're still letting fucking twelve year olds on the internet. [ he can barely handle his own cute infant son, don't make him deal with preteens. ]

Yes, I'm an apple pie eating American freaking citizen, and back in the less batshit real world, I live in Chicago, hence the wanting to hitch a ride there and see what douche is squatting where my house is supposed to be.

[bassackwards]

falls, pines, lake

pretty much anyplace with nature in the name is gonna be murdery if you're a teenager on a road trip, that's definitely a rule

what's up with the knives?? that seems like a lot of knives when you're probably the owner of a maximum of two hands

[gentrify]

hill, glen, woods. either that, get eaten by a bear, or inducted in2 sum kinda fuckin lumberjack cult

aint my knives. sum1 gave me a bunch and said sell them so heres me selling

[ and probably keeping all profits to himself and fucking off from the job, woops, what is legal employment anyway, we just don't know ]

[bassackwards]

snatched by a cult of burly dudes all dressed like identical paper towel mascots
then come the bears

wait so like kitchen knives or cool knives?

[gentrify]

sounds like gay porn in the making. if ur the smallest twink in the room and u see flannel coming, betting fuckin run

like murdering knives. want sum?

[ Audio ]

[ghoulking]

It was certainly not the government's idea. The Porter does whatever it wants and uses its limited "magic" as it pleases.

[ and please don't lump all cannibals into the same bag. Kaneki has zero desire to murder and/or eat someone like you or make a sweater out of your skin. ]

You have a map of this world in your communicator. This is a different world from yours, so naturally not all will be the same. But you can't go everywhere you want, no matter how many names and "fucks" you continuously throw around.

[ Audio ]

[gentrify]

[ telling him you're a nice cannibal isn't going to get anyone any extra sympathy from mickey, he's already short enough on the sentiment as it is. ]

Then it's the Porter that's freaking stupid. [ not above insulting mostly inanimate objects, tbh. ]

Yeah I got the different world idea when a flying car almost ran my ass over, thanks. I'm talking about the US - the major cities were still around in the 50s, right? No one nuked those to hell in this Twilight Zone timeline yet?

[ Audio ]

[ghoulking]

[ kaneki just doesn't want to be lumped with others, okay. He has ~standards~ ]

I can't argue with that first part, but-

I'm not sure what cities exist in your world or not, but most people say they are nearly almost the same. Chicago exists.

[ Audio ]

[gentrify]

[ whatever helps you sleep at night, homeslice. ]

Far as what I can tell, these Porter ones are the only new additions. Or maybe we had 'em back home they were just places no one gave a shit about, who knows. [ mickey isn't that concerned about them. america, aside from the technology and the whole cold war nonsense, seems mostly the same, geographically. ]

So the question here is - is my house still there in this reality, and how much flack am I likely to get for dropkicking whatever dumbfuck's squatting there now out of it?

text

[wetblankets]

[Here's one hot ginger twink who's ready to skip town.]

sure know how to flatter a guy, mickey.
anyone take you up on it?

text

[gentrify]

u know me, all charm all the time
no1 offering a ride but i got sum advise on the route 2 take
use the port thing to maurtia falls, from there it'll prob be a bus
gotta hide the ink tho
were illegal aliens now, gallagher
if were lucky maybe we can find a meat truck 2 hide in the back of

[wetblankets]

it works for some people.

[Him, it works for him.]

we're surrounded by all these superpowered assholes and nobody can
snap their fingers and take us there.
when are we leaving

voice;

[lempereur]

I thought the cannibals were all in Texas. Is that not accurate?

voice; being someone born and raised in texas, i'm crying about this

[gentrify]

Hell if I know, never been. I just figure anywhere you're likely to have inbred going on, you'll end up with people fucked enough in the head to try eating other people.

So, yeah, Texas seems right.

voice; lmao I lived there briefly I am NOT SORRY

[lempereur]

Inbred? Is that common in America? I haven't lived here long.

text; username dh4z3

[nastygram]

yo dickwad fyi that if your ass manages to get to any of those cities you just named they are defs going to be colorless lameo versions compared to w/e version u are thinking of

[ insert chicago was always lame as shit divisive opinion here ]

text;

[gentrify]

sup shitstick
la and ny have 2 many hipsters anyway
chicago was always a giant fucking std filled crack shack floating on a raft down a nasty ass river 1 careless match throw away from dumpster fire
we cant take actual dumpster fire, detriot alrdy claimed it

just wanna c if my house is there

[nastygram]

lol
at least u r realistic

srry2say your house is probs for real not there tho
whatever you love is going to have some fucked up lame version here
that includes fav movies