Video;

[wizzardly]

Do you suffer from depression?

[good afternoon from this world's resident redheaded Wizzard, who's sitting at an office desk and wearing a green uniform matched with a pointy red hat like that isn't a terrible fashion choice or general life decision. He's attempting to smile. It mostly looks queasy.

Anxiety? Do you have violent thoughts or tendencies? Trouble sleeping? Have you suffered traumatic events in your childhood and/or adulthood, culminating in what most would agree is a rather tragic backstory?

Then perhaps it's time you try - oh, hold on, I had something for this -

[Rincewind pats frantically at his pockets, then bends out of view. When he comes back up, it's to throw a handful of glitter, which shimmers down in a sparkling cloud around, in front of, and ultimately on him. This results in an immediate coughing spell and some swatting at the pieces in his beard.]

- Try - [cough, cough] - psychiatric help!

[cough, curse, gods damn it.]

Er, yes. Conveniently located in Maurtia Falls, Pennsylvania, the doctors at the Maurtia Falls Hos- um, the Maurtia Falls Psychiatric... [oh no. Oh no, what is it called? He works there, what is it called, he knows this! Rincewind's smile twitches, a bead of sweat glistening amidst the glitter on his forehead. He glances quickly to the prepared statement on his desk.]

- Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital for Abnormal Conditions!

[phew.]

This advanced hospital is overseen by imPort psychiatrist Dr. Chilton himself, and is staffed with all sorts of talented individuals ready to assist in bringing out the best -[another glance at the paper, a small wince] - you. That you can be.

Whether you need medication, guided psychological interaction, or even just to talk to someone, therapy can work for you. And I can tell you, because I'm, ah, a success story. Myself.

[honestly, why did they leave that in the script.]

No matter the size your mental troubles, Dr. Chilton and the staff of the Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital are here to help. Appointments can always be scheduled through the front desk, but if you've any questions - [please, oh please don't have questions] - I'm here to answer them as well.

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

Very good, Rincewind.

[wizzardly]

I, er, possibly should have memorized it better.

[but he is soothed by that praise, even managing a smile.]

But there - now you've your own commercial.

[slightlyoffchilt]

A sparkling endorsement, indeed. Couldn't ask for a better one.

[Best pal.]

[wizzardly]

You'll be full to the brim with appointments, I expect.

...Can we handle that? More patients? Have you hired more people, I mean? Do we need to? Should I have put that in there?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Is this your way of saying that you miss Jack, or...?

[wizzardly]

Oh, no. I'm sure you'll find someone just as likely to attack me to replace him.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You took that so personally.

[wizzardly]

He tried to eat me. I thought you'd have some sympathy for that, at least!

[slightlyoffchilt]

If I held grudges against everyone who has tried to eat me, Rincewind.

[wizzardly]

Well forgive me for being more sensitive to teeth in my shoulder! I'll just have to grow a thicker skin.

[slightlyoffchilt]

That ought to be your power. If only, right?

[wizzardly]

If only.

[slightlyoffchilt]

I imagine your many paramours would have enjoyed the capability.

[wizzardly]

My - !

Well, I'll tell you, the next time you want some quality advertising, you can just have them do it for you, right?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Oh, come now. How can I ask imaginary people to do a job as good as you can?

[wizzardly]

Send a letter by imaginary post?

[slightlyoffchilt]

Look at you, wielding the cutting sarcasm like a kitchen knife amidst a cooking competition.

[wizzardly]

...You're trying for flattery now.

Which isn't to say I won't allow it, mind.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You have a low threshold for what constitutes as flattering, Rincewind.

[Tragical.]

[wizzardly]

I find it's a good match with my low expectations.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Mean. And directed to me.

[wizzardly]

Oh, I actually meant generally there.

By the way, did you know you've an evil twin? ...Not, ah, counting that last one, I mean.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Excuse you. I am most singular.

[wizzardly]

No, honestly, there's a real similarity. He commented here, you can see for yourself.

[he sends the link along.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

What. Is the similarity. Exactly.