[video] Fresh from Gotham

[riddleman]

Riddle me this, what's easy to get into but hard to get out of?

[Whatever the answer is, he doesn't seem inclined to give it. He, that is a slender man in a nice, tailored suit - dark enough to pass as black, but actually green pinstripe - looking at the camera with a smile.]

Before coming here, things were going really well for me.

[He says that, but there are dark bruises around his throat, looking suspiciously like they were left by hands throttling him. Maybe he has a low bar for 'well'.]

I lived in a mansion. [There's the distant sound of something smashing.] I had a nice job, recently promoted. After what I've been through before, it was a big improvement. [There's another smash. That's definitely ceramic hitting a wall. Like a plate. Maybe a cup.] But now I'm here and my job is to be architect for a puzzle page. Not exactly much of a challenge, you'll agree. So I was wondering if there might be any job openings more suited for my qualifications?

I'm a forensic scientist with years of experience working cases for the Gotham City Police Department. [A book flies behind Edward as he talks, hitting the wall.] That likely means nothing to most of you, so let me assure you that it means that I'm very, very used to strange cases. What is crime like around here? Perhaps I could lend a hand.

[A cushion hits Edward in the shoulder, bouncing off slowly as another voice starts to yell, full of sass and anger.]

Hello! I'm sorry, have I been talking to myself? In what universe are you getting a job here? We are not going backwards. No, this is NOT happening. This is unacceptable. Do you hear me? Unacceptable!

[In the background, what can only be described as some kind of weird, gothic disco vampire type of guy, holding up a cup in a threatening manner.] Tell them who I am!

[Edward turns his head to lower his voice, hissing at Oswald in a quieter voice that's still perfectly audible.] How about I tell them when you're not acting a tenth your age? Whatever. As you wish, Mr Mayor.

[With that he straightens up, gesturing at Oswald in a very exaggerated way, voice loud and clear.]

Ladies! Gentlemen! Others! Allow me to introduce Oswald Cobblepot, the esteemed mayor of Gotham City, who occasionally even acts like it.

[Once again, off screen, the sound of something else smashing can be heard before:] Oh, bite me, Edward!


[ooc: Special permissions post for Edward can be found here, only fill it out if you feel like it, no pressure!]

Comments

video;

[itistolaugh]

[ Oh my god oh my god oh my god. She has to spend a solid minute shrieking in excitement and yelling at Crane to check the network before she can get presentable for hellos. ]

Ohh, we have got a lot to talk about.

video;

[riddleman]

Oh, do we?

[That's a promising first response and so Edward folds his arms and leans forward, ready to listen.]

Dazzle me.

[Video | Private]

[sleight_of_hand]

Uh... friends of yours?

[ Were all people from Gotham this weird? ]

Anything Crane-levels of 'what the hell' I need to worry about with these guys?

video;

[picksthenames]

Trouble? It's trouble, right? From my experience, it's trouble. Easy to get into it, hard as hell to get out of the game.

[ Really, Cisco, that's the part you're focusing on? ]

Anyway, I don't know much about the crime around here that isn't imPort-related. My buddy is-slash-was a CSI for CCPD, you should probably talk to him. From what I've heard about Gotham, you've probably dealt with cases as weird as the ones we get in Central City.

[ And from what he's heard of Gotham, he's not surprised that the mayor is at least a little bit insane-o. ]

video;

[riddleman]

Ding, ding, ding! We already have a winner. Congratulations.

[What's wrong with focusing on the riddle?]

You're familiar with Gotham? Good to know. I'm sure your friend has a lot of experience to share.

What kind of imPort related crime is going on, since you mention it?

video

[pyrogue]

What the fuck universe are you from?

[ Mick isn't super connected to the Gotham Scene but he's pretty sure Cobblepot has never been mayor. ]

video

[beaky]

[There's a haughty look.]

Language, sir. [Yes, that is what matters the most. This guy swearing. Priorities.] Manners cost nothing.

[itistolaugh]

Be.

Nice.

» video | ID reads "Wanda Maximoff"

[divaricate]

Is 'alternate universes' an acceptable answer to that riddle?

[Ha-ha, look who thinks she's funny.

Wanda has a Sokovian accent, which is one that could also be mistaken for a Serbian one for those that know Serbian accents. Otherwise, vaguely Eastern-ish European.

She rests her chin on her palm, red wisps around her fingertips as she is levitating her device far away enough from her that it's not a SUPER CLOSE UP of her face, broadcasting her reply from what looks like a table in a bakery. She's on her break at work. A cup of tea is beside her and a half finished cinnamon roll is on a small plate.]

If you're used to strange crime, you might find this place a bit normal. Shit gets weird when alternate universes are involved.

» video

[riddleman]

This once, I'll take it. Certainly seems to be shaping up that way.

[Which is frustrating, but on the other hand, he can't help also finding the situation exciting. Although the news of there not being much in the way of strange crime? Sobering. He wonders what that means for organised crime.]

I'd imagine so. Is your universe very different from this one, Ms Maximoff?

video;

[exceptionalthief]

Nice suit.

video;

[riddleman]

Thanks. It was a gift from a friend.

[A 'welcome out of Arkham' gift, with the measurements somehow exactly eyeballed, which is impressive in and on itself.]

I wish I had my others. I'll have to find a good tailor.

[restingstitchface]

[Crane rubs his head, which is pounding from all the noise Harleen's been making, then turns on the camera. He looks like a middle-aged college professor who doesn't know what to do about the noise other than clutch his proverbial pearls a little.]

Last I checked, being from Gotham was nothing to crow about.

[beaky]

It's hardly crowing to simply state the name of the place you live, sir.

video;

[cleptes]

[Bela watches the entire exchange with some amusement, not really sure what to make of it. There was just so much going on and seeing a stark contrast between one very calm individual and another who wasn't made her wonder about what had happened before they arrived. Did they arrive together?]

The most crime ridden city is Maurtia Falls. Dirty cops. Thugs. Gangs. The occasional murder.

[She wasn't in that city right now though, seeking solace in De Chima.]

Unfortunately your friend's title won't mean much here. [A beat.] Is there even anything left for him to throw?

video;

[riddleman]

Ah, well. That sounds just like home, maybe we should move.

[Maybe he is joking. Maybe he has just gotten the first hint of something that looks like a real opportunity. Who knows!]

I'm sure there is plenty left. I'll always be in awe of Oswald's creativity and determination. I'm sure that if he ran out of things to throw, he'd just break a chair to throw pieces of that.

TEXT

[pummelgranite]

yeah quick question
what the absolute fuck is wrong with Gotham City?
Are you all just LIKE THIS???

TEXT

[riddleman]

To varying degrees. We are standouts, I'll say that.

But they do say there's something in the water. Aside from the crocodile man.

text;

[slightlyoffchilt]

Answer: a hole lot of trouble.

[You know what'll draw out a traumatized Frederick Chilton, who's fresh off the murder of his good friend James Patrick March? Answer: people who would otherwise CLEARLY be his patients, that's what.

But hey, he'll take the opportunity to answer (two for one!) and pun.]

I see Doctor Quinzel knows you.

text;

[riddleman]

I like that. You get bonus points.

[And since it's text Chilton is going to miss out on one just ever so slightly unhinged smile.]

Ms Quinn? Dr Quinzel, I see. She seems to think so.
I've only just met her, but this place is opening up new perspectives, isn't it?

video.

[magnitudes]

Trouble. A bath of molasses. Emotional turmoil. A frozen lake. I love this question. What's the actual answer?

video.

[riddleman]

You got it in one, but I appreciate breaching out. I'd throw in bondage as well.

[Of course he would.]

I must say, people here are more receptive to riddles than I'm used to.

video;

[aboveand]

It's trouble.

[Both the answer to the riddle and the arrival of two more of the old man's rogues.]

And I'm sorry, did you say mayor?

video;

[beaky]

I sincerely wish everyone would stop asking about it in that tone.

Yes, I am mayor. I won. By a landslide, in fact. [Why is that so hard to believe?]

[ Video ]

[axeboyfriend]

[ Shinjiro gives a blank look that's, frankly, disbelieving. ]

That guy's a mayor?

[ Video ]

[riddleman]

Yes, he is.

[If he sounds slightly bored, that's only because he's had to answer things in that vein several times by now. Also because he is an ass, there is that.]

If you really think that politicians elsewhere are a big improvement, you are probably delusional.

[video]

[viced]

[ Don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh don't laugh ]

Mayor? [ Don't laugh don't laugh ]

And what does that make you? His intern?

[ The guy is clearly more stone-faced than necessary. ]

[video]

[riddleman]

His chief of staff, actually.

[He'd make a terrible intern, honestly.]

Though here that makes me precisely nothing. Same as him, which is why he's so put out.

[Which, given the many trials Oswald had to face to get into his current position back home, does make his loss of temper somewhat understandable, he'd argue.

But on the other hand, Edward's the one who has just made fun of him in this very post, so. Hey, feel free to laugh.]

video;

[shifting]

[there's no reason to add to the echo chamber, but Sam's definitely thinking the same thing as everyone else: in what world is that guy a mayor?]

So y'all two got Ported in together? That's some... real luck you've got goin' for you both.

[just maybe not the 'good' sort.]

I know it probably doesn't feel like much right now, but at least you're startin' out with a built-in roommate.

video;

[riddleman]

It's not too surprising, at least in the grand scope of how surprising all of this already is. We share a connection.

[He wouldn't want to be anywhere without Oswald right now, so at least that is something he's not complaining about.]

I'm grateful.

[A pause and a look to the side, because...]

Admittedly, I'd be more grateful if we still had unbroken dishes.

video;

[wizzardly]

The Maurtia Falls Psychiatric Hospital for Abnormal Conditions may be hiring. - And I know that sounds like a joke, given, er -

[Edward's raging friend]

- things, but it's really not. I work there. I know it's not crime-related really, but there are certainly plenty of "strange cases".

video;

[riddleman]

Huh. Well, wouldn't technically be my first time working in that field.

[Working. Being locked up in an asylum. Striking a deal with the person in charge to make a deathtrap. Whatever. Working, sure, that's close enough.]

What do you do there, if I may ask?

[Video]

[sleight_of_hand]

[ Harley told him to behave himself, and it really looks like he’s the only one that’s going to with these two numbskulls. Oh well; he can be a professional when he wants to be; all part of being one of the best detectives ever back home. ]

Welcome to this alternate version of Earth, gentlemen. It already sounds like you’ll fit in well here.

[ ...look, he could slip in a bit of gentle trolling, okay? Besides, he already determined that if this Edward guy was a forensic scientist, he was going to want to keep on his good side. Mayor guy didn’t seem all that useful at the moment. ]

Also, I think the answer to your riddle would be, ‘trouble’.

video

[beaky]

Is that supposed to be sarcasm?

[Just honest curiosity. They didn't seem to be fitting in well. Though Oswald is unsure if it's them, the others or a mix of both.]

VIDEO.

[accelerate]

[ one may think this is an entirely strange broadcast, but barry finds it amusing. mr mayor says "bite me"! he can't even imagine the mayor of central city uttering those words with his goofy-looking smile and mannerisms. ]

The answer is Ross' leather pants, right?

[ guess who just watched all ten seasons of friends last night? ]

[ anyway, onto more important matters: ]

I'm a CSI. Crime here's a little ... [ he shrugs his shoulders. ] Normal?

VIDEO.

[riddleman]

Oh. [Aw.] That is disappointing.

Both of that, actually, because that isn't the answer either. I don't know who Ross is, but I'm positive that leather pants are never easy to get into.

[How does he know that? Deductive reasoning or experience? Who knows?]

Still, nice to meet a colleague. [A pause.] You must be a quick study.

[Because you look twelve.]

VIDEO.

[contradict]

[ elektra hasn't witnessed two idiots being fools in a really long time. she lets her amusement show; there's no way in hell oswald cobblepot's a respected mayor of his city. ]

Is the answer supposed to be trouble? I find it's easy to get into and easy to get out of if you're wearing the right pair of shoes. [ and if you're elektra natchios. ]

video

[beaky]

Do shoes really matter? I once knew a woman who could outbest every man in the room in six inch heels. Never once lost balance. I did admire her for that.

[That and she terrified him. Once beat him bloody with those very same shoes too.]

[text]

[hellrisen02]

Oh, you. Great.

(Could be worse, I guess.)

You still have that penchant for sticking your neck out too far and always staying just a nick over alive, huh, Riddles?

[text]

[riddleman]

Riddles?

[Since he doesn't even go by 'Riddler' yet, the nickname 'Riddles' is even stranger to him.]

Actually, I've never struggled particularly much with staying alive. Why would you assume differently?