(no subject)

[photophobic]

[ Kylo's expression is tight, his eyes intensely sharp- and those who have seen him before will note something else, too. His face is scarred- a long, neatly healed line running right over it, from his brow down to his neck. ]

Thankfully, he hasn't taken his clothing off for the occasion. ]

I'm back.

[ That's it. ]

Comments

Text;

[articulations]

[ ...he's back. So then it is possible to leave and return. Just the same as it's possible to die and be resurrected.

Leia takes a slow breath. ]

You were injured. What happened while you were away?

Text;

[photophobic]

[ It takes him a little while to respond. So much had happened in such a short time, all of it there, beyond reach- and none of it anything he wishes to share with his mother.

He still feels it. Like his father. He suspects he always will. ]

It isn't a new injury. I received it before I arrived here the first time.

I'm not certain why the Porter left me with it this time. Perhaps because it was no longer life-threatening.

[articulations]

I see.

[ Everyone in this family ends up scarred in some way. Not only emotionally but physically. If they aren't scarred then they're losing limbs. Leia's been fortunate to avoid either outcomes. ]

How did you get it?

[photophobic]

A lightsaber duel.
I should have died. Hux found me and the First Order treated my wounds.

[ He wants to ask if he can see her. Desperately.
But he doesn't. It's probably best if he doesn't. ]

[articulations]

A lightsaber duel? Against who? Are they here?

[ Who could it have been? It couldn't have been Luke, that wouldn't be her first thought. But if her son was part of the First Order and fighting against them, it could've been a number of people. ]

I'm surprised you didn't. Taking a lightsaber blade so close to the face, it's a miracle you can see with how close it looks to have gotten to your eye.

But you're okay.

[photophobic]

You don't know her. She's nobody.
[ Very definitely Somebody to him, but he's not about to admit to that. ]
And she isn't here. I would know.

I have survived worse.

[articulations]

Don't be too quick to dismiss the fact that she could follow you here and try to finish what she started. Anything is possible.

Such as?

[photophobic]

She could. I know. I'm ready. A lot has happened since our first meeting.

[ Hm. She has him there. ]

The blaster bolt I took to my side. I wouldn't have been wounded in the duel if I hadn't been handicapped by damage that would have left anyone else unable to even hold a weapon. Let alone fight.

[ He is... more than a little sore about that. ]

[articulations]

You were shot? By who?

[photophobic]

[ Well. This... is not a conversation he really wants to have. He even considers lying about it, for a moment.
But then, where would he stop? ]

A wookiee with a bowcaster.

[ Pain or lies. That was all he had to give after all. ]

As you said. We are on opposing sides, there.
But not here.

[articulations]

[ She takes a breath as she reads the one line over and over. A wookie. A wookie with a bowcaster. Leia knows of only the one. And only the one would have remained close to her and her family through the connection he had with Han, through the life debt. ]

Chewbacca.
Did he mean to disarm you or to fatally wound you?

[ What did you do to incur the wookie's wrath? was what she wanted to ask him. Sides be damned. ]

[photophobic]

I don't know.

[ He suspected the former, but he couldn't be certain- without the pain sustaining his power through the Dark Side, he might well have died. At the time, he'd been too distracted to think about it much. ]

It isn't important. He succeeded in neither. I survived, and I have returned.

How have you been.

[articulations]

No, it is important. Chewbacca would never attack Han's son.

[ Unless whatever it was that Ben had done was unforgivable. Something Leia doesn't want to think about, the severity of his crime. ]

I was worried, when you'd left. I'm unfamiliar still with how the porter works. We didn't know if you would return or not.

[photophobic]

You have to realise. I hadn't seen either of you since I was a child.
I rejected Ben Solo and made every effort to purge his weakness.

Chewbacca didn't try to kill Han Solo's son.
I did.
Chewbacca shot Kylo Ren.

[articulations]

My son would not be weak. I already know you have my temper. But I also know you're strong. Not just as Kylo Ren.

You need to tell me: are you my son or are you not?

[ It needs to be cleared up. What does he want? Besides to exist here? That night she'd gone to him, and now with him back, what was going on? How was she supposed to treat him? ]

[photophobic]

[ He knows the answer immediately.
He had killed his father, yes. But he hadn't removed him. It had proven impossible. Snoke had known it- he had too much of his father's heart.
And his mother?
He can still feel her eyes on him, his thumb hovering over the trigger.

Had she known, before she died? That it hadn't been him that fired the shot? Or had she believed her faith in him misplaced, the last thought before she faded out?

The fact that he hasn't been able to silence that question answers hers.

I am your son, he types, but cannot send.
He deletes the words and tries again. ]

I want to be your son.

[ He hits send. He clutches his device tightly. ]

[articulations]

Is that what you really want? Do you want to be Ben Solo? Or would you prefer to be Kylo Ren?

Ben is the name I gave you. It's the name of hope. That name is what gave Luke and I both hope.

[ You were my hope. ]

private as fuck because no one else in this convo is

[flightforfreedom]

uh

general


[Poe is typing. It appears several times, but no actual messages get sent, until finally:]

you sure you want this on the public record

private as fuck because look she's always private but sometimes it gets away from her

[articulations]

[ She might've actually whispered what the fuck to herself here, thanks new world for teaching such wonderful words Leia stares down at the unexpected message coming through.

Oh.

Oh no. ]

Too late now, isn't it.

I'm always so good at making sure the settings are set to private.

sometimes you just gotta air the family dirty laundry, that's how it goes

[flightforfreedom]

yeah.

[There's a very, very, very long pause before he sends the following:]

look

i know how luke feels about
second chances
here

and i have been doing my utmost to stay on board with that

but

[However, whatever he was going to say as a 'but' just doesn't come. Poe is typing appears a few more times, but no more words.]

skywalkers man don't ever befriend them

[articulations]

But what?

I see you typing on and off. Is there more you want to say?

[photophobic]

[ A sharp rush of fury surges through him. He knows full well what they all hoped Ben Solo might be. He remembers the endless, exhausting struggle to suppress the darkness, the futile effort to fit himself into the role they laid out for him. 
He remembers giving everything he had to satisfy them.
And he remembers his uncle standing over him, lightsaber drawn and murder in his eyes.

Does he want to be Ben Solo? How can she ask him that, as if it is as simple as wishing something could be so. As if becoming Kylo Ren had been anything other than a necessity. An inevitability.
As if Luke hadn't made that decision for him, the night he decided to kill Ben Solo to destroy the monster sleeping under his skin.
He hadn't abandoned the Light. No. It had abandoned him.

He types I am what I am.
No. He deletes and tries again. You know what I am.
No. Again.

I am Kylo Ren.

He breathes out, finger hovering over the send button as if he is back in his fighter, his mother in the sights.

And again, he can't do it. He can't. ]

I don't know what I am.


Can I see you.

[articulations]

[ This comes in almost immediately after Poe's message. Starkiller. Hosnian Prime. Those billions of innocent people hadn't stood a chance. The same as the people of Alderaan hadn't-- her people.

Leia closes her eyes doesn't reply to either of them. The messages sit for a few moments. Her device is placed down so she can drag her hands over her face and press her fingers into her eyes, taking deep breaths.

Conflict, suffering, it's there in Ben. Leia wants to help ease it, but then Poe's warnings, his side of the argument. What Ben did to him.

Shouldn't the decision already have been made? Shouldn't she have made up her mind?

Why can't he decide who or what he is? ]

Of course you can. I'm at home.

Come by when you're ready.

action;

[photophobic]

[ He hates the relief he feels on reading that response.

He leaves almost immediately, not stopping to reply or explain where he's going- his heart pounding as he knocks on her door and waits.
It doesn't make him any calmer remembering the last time he came to this house. ]

[not here]

[bespin]

[ Interesting. He'll have to talk to Han about this. ]