THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2018

[maskormods]

THE MAJORITY REPORT: MARCH 10TH, 2018Congratulations, Ambassador Galla! A successful election and a inauguration ceremony that went off without hitch is a most auspicious beginning to fruitful and impacting term as Nonah's Ambassador. Journalists are practically SALIVATING to know what she might accomplish. When reached for comment regarding his peer's political ascension, Sam Merlotte could not respond to questioning. That's right -- could not, rather than would not. A search for the De Chima Ambassador is now underway.

WODON'T
As seen on Rumblr and featured in TMI:
hat started out as a Rumblr post has now started to receive attention in gossip magazines across the country. Rumblr user "BeetSalad" posted a lengthy, detailed writeup of the true identity of the masked import, Woden. Comparing multiple appearances by both Woden and Bruce Wayne, the user came up with a detailed theory that the import has is moonlighting as Woden to allow him the chance to "act out his capitalist fantasies", pointing out that most wealthy businessmen do the same amounts of cocaine as Woden does.

TMI picked up the story, and while Bruce Wayne appears to be in a "coma", Woden seems to have been also mysteriously absent from the public eye, at least until recently. Could he have woken up and has he been deceiving us all? We sent a message to Woden's press staff, but they've, as always, offered no comment on the God's identity, citing that Woden is Woden, and there's no identity to find beneath the mask.

WHO STAYS WHO PORTS WHO TELLS YOUR STORY
As seen in newspapers in De Chima, Heropa, Maurtia Falls, Nonah:
Governors of imPort states have all signed identical bills, as written by their state legislations, to siphon funds away from their respective state's historical preservation sites to pay for an imPort Memorial Garden. It will be a lush location on the outskirts of Heropa, which will be constructed and then maintained with these funds, and is created with the intent to celebrate the memories of imPorts who have been exported out. Remaining imPorts can make shrines, art, or whatever (that will be under the protection of the garden, and thus these four joint states) to tell the story of their exported compatriots.

YOU CAN ONLY FAIL UP, UP, AND AWAY!
As seen on national news broadcasts and via Bwitter:
MUSEUM OF IMPORT FAILURE? An anonymous billionaire has floated an interest in building a moveable museum dedicated to the most hilarious cringe moments of imPort history, for touring display. But this unknown benefactor is interested in specifically the imPort perspective on imPort failure -- a column for imPort suggestion will be channeled through Bwitter (be sure to suggest only from your verified accounts, imPorts). What is your community's greatest fiasco? The sharpest plunge from grace? What villainous terror ended up terribly wrong for the wrongdoer?

CODE SWITCH
The Homeland Security Advisory System has moved from FALLEN STAR OCHRE to SILVER FOX in honor of Nonah.

WANT TO SUBMIT TO THE MAJORITY REPORT?
The Majority Report comes out the 10th and 20th of every month. You may find details and submit here. The cut-off time is 12:01 AM PST on the 9th and the 19th for the corresponding dates.

Comments

[restingstitchface]

Now, now, Frederick. You're not as innocent as you make it seem. Don't speak as though you haven't given me a good tongue-lashing or two...

[slightlyoffchilt]

But only when you had earned it.

[restingstitchface]

Poppycock. I've been straight for two years, you know.

[Criminally speaking.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

The fanfics describe it differently.

[restingstitchface]

Fanfics?

[What. He has fans?]

[slightlyoffchilt]

I hear they love it when you play innocent.

[restingstitchface]

No wonder: all the world hates me and calls me a monster. The misattribution of innocence leaves them free to indulge all the fantasies inside their head, good and bad. It stops them fretting about the consequences, if only for a moment.

[slightlyoffchilt]

It is most entertaining when you diagnose the masses writ large.

[restingstitchface]

My observation is they're hardly the ones who find my examinations entertaining, Frederick.

[What do you call a fear-gassing if not a diagnosis of the masses? Scared as they are.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

Why Jonathan, you subscribe to such a specific palate.

I think that was in a fanfic, too.

[restingstitchface]

Do you? Strange, I never estimated you as one who compounds fiction with reality. It's not like I'm unable to brunch out, as it were. Plus, you know, you too would be a man of limited tastes, if all your samples were strained and devoid of any, well, taste.

[Frightful people. Intelligent people. Arrogant people. All earned his attention one way or another.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

You do enjoy taking things too literally, don't you?

[restingstitchface]

Hardly a crime, is it? I can't just take them metaphorically. It's too simple.

[Too dangerous, he means.]

[slightlyoffchilt]

That's the simple one, you say? Interesting.

[restingstitchface]

... Are you always this fond of armchair analysis?

[slightlyoffchilt]

It isn't "armchair" when you have a degree in it.

[restingstitchface]

I would like to suggest that in this instance it is; you hardly sought my informed consent.

[slightlyoffchilt]

You have literally mind-raped people. Hypocrisy, thy name is Jonathan Crane.

[restingstitchface]

Don't talk to me that way. After all, it's only hypocrisy because you measure me to your standards, for that is the only way you can win this argument. Nice deflection, by the way.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Temper, temper, Jonathan. The truth hurts, but you'll heal soon enough.

[restingstitchface]

In every sense of the word. You know how easily one can pull themselves together.