maskormenace

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VOICE

Right, so. Thought experiment. Bear with me here.

Let's say you got a chance to go back and change whatever that dumb shit you did was - you know, the point where everything went wrong, or you wish you would've done something differently. Only if you change that, that means erasing everything that ever happened after too, good or bad. Everything you're proud of, and all the friends you made.

Would you do it?

[ Hm. This sounds super specific and super suspicious! HE'S JUST GONNA... COUCH IT A LITTLE. ]

I met a really weird witch, fellas.

[ #nailedit. Which is to say: hello, everyone, one Magnus Burnsides is back in town and, ostensibly, acting as though he never left! ]

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Oh. Well... you two are together now, right? Kids can be shitty to each other, but who knows whether or not you would've wound up together if not for that? Besides, it's pretty damn obvious he's forgiven you already.

[Blue's mouth twists, gaze dropped to his lap as Magnus responds. Everyone always says that. Like it doesn't matter anymore, just because Red's forgiven him. But he knows better. Red's too kind. And he's felt now, how bad it was.]

Just because... [He stops, shakes his head.] It was bad. I'd still change it.

And definitely... I'd be with him.

I believe you. But would you still say the same thing if it meant you wouldn't ever get the chance to be with him?

[Blue just sits there for a long moment, tilting his head slowly. Well...... to his logic, it wouldn't... make sense that they wouldn't end up together, if this was what he went back to change?]

[He thinks, and thinks, and thinks]

[Finally he shrugs, sinking.] I ...don't know. If it meant we were still just really good friends, instead of dating? I-I guess. Yeah.

Hey, that's up to you. I got a feeling he wouldn't make the same choice, though.

[ He's quiet for a moment, thinking. ]

Love's... love's a funny thing, y'know? It can spring up after some bad shit. Sometimes it only springs up after bad shit, like - like something beautiful's gotta come from something rotten. I dunno if I'd get rid of the rot if it meant giving up on love too.

[Blue frowns, considering Magnus' words. For him, it was certain: he'd always loved Red, and nothing about how he'd warped could change that; but for the first time, he begins to consider that things weren't the same for Red. That Red could have fallen for him after everything he did.... it didn't make sense to him, but...]

[Somehow, it puts an incredible unease in him.] ...You really think so......? [He mumbles quietly, now that he's in his own head about it.]

I'm not sayin' it's the truth in your case. You'd have to ask Red about that one. Just that it's true in some cases. It's, uh... it's 'cause love doesn't spring up all at once. It's a bunch of little things that add up until you look at someone and realize you never wanna be apart.

Once you take away those little things, there's no saying what'll happen.

[While Magnus is surely just trying to be helpful, the anxiety plain in Blue's face increases as he goes on, eyes squeezing into a furrowed cringe before he forces it away. A bunch of little things adding up...? ...Since childhood, since he began to fear loss, it'd been nothing but hassling and bullying from Blue; competition, and jealousy, and lashing out with his insecurities.]

[And then there was the long period of silence. The exhaustion, the near loss of his heart and his connection to people of any kind. Blue had felt it, when he exchanged memories with Red some months ago. It was horrible, worse even than the crushing loneliness he'd felt shouting into that silent void all that time.]

[What kind of love could spring from that?]

[...Well, in any case, Blue doesn't think his answer would change. He'd much rather Red be happy- with someone else, far away from him, whatever, it didn't matter. If it meant he'd never put him through all that suffering...]

It's okay. I think my answer's the same. [He finally says with a small nod, like he's conceding something. He'd never expected to see Red again, after all, in the first place.]

[ Boy, did he screw this one up too? Magnus seems to be real good at that these days. He pauses, concern showing in the furrow of his brow, the way a frown tugs at the corner of his mouth - Blue's a sweet kid, and one that usually doesn't show this kind of emotion, at least not when things aren't actively exploding around them. ]

Fair enough. You wanna talk about all that went down, back then? To someone who wasn't involved? My door's open, kid, you oughtta know that.

[Blue's mouth twists. He's hardly mentioned it to anyone- just Maxie outright, and he thinks Archie's probably caught onto it. It wasn't something easy for him to talk about, certainly.]

[He shakes his head, though. It was partially shame, and partially fear of being scolded or judged for it- which was only his own fault, he knew. But he still hadn't forgiven himself for it, and was sure he never would. The fear remained.] 'm okay. Things are ...better now.

[But that doesn't change his answer to the post any.]

Sure, things are better now, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still bug you. Which it clearly does.

[ He raises one hand to the screen. ]

Not gonna force you to say anything. Just... if what happened when you two were kids is still bugging you this much, it might be good to get it out there. I'm the last person who can judge you for whatever it is that went down.

[Blue’s mouth twists this way and that. It had only been so recently that he’d even been able to talk to Red about it frankly, and even then... he watered it down. He didn’t have any right to be the one who felt badly about it, after all. He’d been the one hurting Red.]

[He shrugs weakly. Even when Red had practically begged him to open up... it was hard. It still wasn’t something that he felt he could safely share, even though he knew he probably should talk to someone about it.]

I’ll... keep it in mind. [Magnus says that, he thinks, but Blue has never seen him be so cruel to any of his friends.] ...Thanks.

That's all I can ask. [ He's not going to take him up on that offer, Magnus thinks. People who say I'll keep it in mind never do. ]

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