VOICE

[burlyboy]

Right, so. Thought experiment. Bear with me here.

Let's say you got a chance to go back and change whatever that dumb shit you did was - you know, the point where everything went wrong, or you wish you would've done something differently. Only if you change that, that means erasing everything that ever happened after too, good or bad. Everything you're proud of, and all the friends you made.

Would you do it?

[ Hm. This sounds super specific and super suspicious! HE'S JUST GONNA... COUCH IT A LITTLE. ]

I met a really weird witch, fellas.

[ #nailedit. Which is to say: hello, everyone, one Magnus Burnsides is back in town and, ostensibly, acting as though he never left! ]

Comments

[viced]

Erm... Do you know what the definition of a workaholic is?

[burlyboy]

Yeah, but even the biggest workaholic's got other shit going on! I mean... friends? Family?

[ He's speaking now with the mounting desperation of someone who's becoming aware that the person they're speaking with may be a hell of a lot sadder than he first thought. Seriously. This is getting tragic. ]

[viced]

[ Buddy u don't know the half of it.......... ]

Well, they're coworkers? I mean... I have friends, of course. My mom died... [ A pause. ] Some time ago. It's not... that I don't.

But...they don't factor into any personal decisions.

[ AKA Everyone is an acquaintance. ]

[burlyboy]

[ Fucking yikes, Mitchell. ]

[burlyboy]

All right, sure, that's - that's cool. You, uh, having friends. Not the - you know, I'm sorry about your mom.

But what about here? You must've made closer friends here.

[viced]

It's fine, it was a long time ago, now. Especially after here. [ A beat. ]

I, erm, learned the hard way that was a problem. I did have close friends here, but... when you're still here and they aren't...

[ And even then, only one came close to really knowing Mitchell. Not even Bradbury had ever gotten so close to the truth. ]

[burlyboy]

Aw, pal.

[ POOR LONELY RICH BOY!! ]

Wanna go out for a drink sometime?

[viced]

Er --

Sure? I guess?

I'm not -- I don't really get pity drinks all that much. I mean, I'm a fucking senator, I'm not exactly shy on social engagements.

[burlyboy]

Hey, don't call it a pity drink, that's not cool!

[ It is absolutely a pity drink. ]

Call it a 'Beautiful New Friendship' Drink.

[viced]

Right, right. Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[ A beat. ]

Yeah, okay. Why not? people always tell me to be more impulsive.

[burlyboy]

It's a date. I already got plans this evening, so... I'll call you!

[ He pantomimes a phone, and then apparently decides independently that this conversation's finished. BYE MITCH. ]