💣 014 | audio

[devoutish]

Right, well, now that that's sorted, I suppose I'll be the one to ask - has this infringed on everyone's plans for Passover? The timing was unfortunate, wasn't it; an entire week taken up by a day repeating itself over and over again makes it difficult to prepare a seder, what with us all being very busy with our murdering and setting wild dogs loose in the streets.

[Seriously, somebody tell him what the deal with the feral dog mutants was; that had not been fun.]

Ah, but some of you must be celebrating your first Passover here. That's very exciting. It's a very big, very important holiday, and I'm sure you've seen how imPorts get caught up with celebrating the Earth holidays here - yeah, we do Christmas, we do New Year's, we do Valentine's. Now, has anyone got a spare ka’arah that I might borrow? Mine was destroyed by a wild dog.

[ (No, not really.)

Alfie delivers the post completely straight, but he's absolutely poking light fun at the ubiquitous holiday posts that tend to crop up at certain times of the year. It's time to get in on the fun himself - if only to make people go "???", because making people go "???" is his goal roughly 60% of the time.]

Comments

voice;

[aberrant_type]

[Shit son she is so genuinely curious though]

What are you talking about? You're religious?

voice;

[devoutish]

Eh? What am I talking about? You don't know?

[This is a tsk, tsk moment, clearly.]

Re: voice;

[aberrant_type]

I haven't the slightest idea! Oh, educate me, oh please!

[playful as usual here but she also... wants to know? thanks Alfie.]

voice;

[devoutish]

Mm-- I could tell you the Passover story, I suppose. The last time I told it to somebody who didn't know it, I was interrupted.

[He'd been interrupted by one of his own men killing someone and taking others hostage, based on a prearranged signal that he himself had come up with, but details.]

video;

[deadkord]

Oh, shit, I knew I was forgetting about something.

video;

[devoutish]

Did murdering take up too much space in your head, or were you not one of those, mate?

[deadkord]

Nah, I was busy learning ice sculpting and trying to make Andie MacDowell fall in love with me.

[ Okay, so he's lying, but he definitely did watch Groundhog Day on a couple of the loops, because frankly, it should be a crime not to. ]

But why is it we can't ever have a single apocalyptic disaster without half the imPort population trying to kill each other?

video.

[littlemissfutility]

I guess it's my first Passover ever. [She's not exactly in on his larger joke, but the sentiment of the video seems good-natured enough. Per usual, she's wrapped up in a scarf to her chin, giving a self-conscious little smile as she adds,] Well. We had Passover at my church once, to learn about it, but none of us were really Jewish.

video.

[devoutish]

Why did you have Passover, then?

[That seems a little odd to him.]

[littlemissfutility]

So we knew what Jewish people did.

[Maybe it is--she hadn't questioned it at the time.]

We were talking about Moses and stuff anyway, so... [A little shrug.]

video;

[aviate]

Sorry, I haven't celebrated it in years.

video;

[devoutish]

Not even with family, really?

video;

[aviate]

I can't always get the time off to visit my brother and it's not like we do it properly anyway. I usually brought the kids Easter eggs.

VIDEO.

[contradict]

A wild dog? [ elektra looks surprised, but is she really? we just don't know. ] How did a wild dog get your ka'arah?

[ ftr elektra doesn't care if this is a lie or not, this is the closest conversation she can have about pie and that's all she wants. ]

VIDEO.

[devoutish]

[Oh boy, time to break out the bullshitting.]

He came crashing through the window, right, and landed on the table - this big fuck-off dog, twice as large as a wolf. But luckily my own hounds sorted him out.

VIDEO.

[contradict]

He came crashing through your window? [ elektra tries her best to look shocked. it could happen, right? just not in new york ... maybe ... let's rethink that. ]

[ anyway: ] Thank god for your hounds. Are they okay?

Video

[itcanwait]

I hadn't heard of it until you mentioned it, so I guess that makes it my first one here and ever?

I didn't realise there were so many holidays here. It's a religious one, right? Jewish?

[This alien has done a simple and quick google search.]

Video

[devoutish]

Mm, yeah. You haven't been here long, then, I suppose? You haven't seen the decorations? July - that's gonna be another big one. Everything done up in red, white, and blue for Independence Day.

Video

[itcanwait]

I got here middle of July last year. I've only seen Halloween, Christmas and New Year. Oh and Valentine's.

Hm, internet says there's a lot of those. Huh, American Independence Day, looks like I missed that by a few days when I got here. Was it really that bad there has to be big parties about it?

voice.

[functusofficio]

What is Passover? I'm not familiar with that holiday, we don't have it in my world.

[ A slight pause, and then in the tone of someone who doesn't really buy it. ]

A wild dog?

voice.

[devoutish]

That would be the joke, Miss Ambassador. And did you miss the dogs, as well? Saw 'em racing round the neighborhood on one of the repeating days.

voice.

[functusofficio]

Ah. I see. There have been so many new holidays to learn here that I can never tell how important any of them are.

[ A little sheepish. She's learned how many cultures on how many planets, and somehow this planet still makes her stumble sometimes. Still, she's getting there. ]

And please, it's simply Amidala, if you don't mind.

I did my best to stay far away from what was going on during that -- affair. Efforts to stop it did not go well.

voice | i am the child who does not know how to comment in a timely manner

[applewatcher]

I'm glad to hear you're still roughly in one piece. [He sounds cheerful about the whole affair. He certainly enjoyed the family time he spent during the temporal distortion.]

Are there any holiday preparations you'd like assistance with?

voice | aww you were barely late, it's cool

[devoutish]

[Murder bro!]

I'm glad to hear you've figured out the network; hello. But no, no-- no, I've got things sorted. Truthfully, I don't hold anything at my flat.

[applewatcher]

Thanks to your helpful advice, I'm making more use of it than house calls these days. [He's still not entirely sorry, but he does understand what an intrusion it was.]If you need any help regardless, do let me know, won't you?