video; three human disasters walk into an office

[hardboyled]

[ Some may be familiar with the tuneful "Da na na na na na~" being sung as the feed pans across a sparse looking office. Presumably it's an office anyway, judging by the mahogany desk and two whole chairs within it. Jake Peralta is at said desk pretending to be on the phone and looking super busy, managing a dopey grin and finger guns as the camera passes him despite all this clearly hard work he's doing. There's even a brief shot of Jessica Jones in the corner, drink in hand, scowling heavily into it, but then the camera is swinging round to a close up of Boyle's face as he starts up with a beautiful rendition of the Ghostbusters theme: ]

If there's something bad in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?!
P, B and J!
If there's someone weird
And they don't look good...

[ Leaning in to put his face next to Jake's, almost cheek to cheek; ]

Who you gonna call?!

[ Jake only manages the briefest of protests before giving in. ]

No, Boyle, I will not si-- P, B and J!

[ Jake gives his line an extra boost of feeling before he transitions into something of a more official announcer's voice. He's got some important things to say and this requires his utmost focus.

They're running a business here.

Which means Jake's waving at the little video screen and grinning like a loon. ] Okay, so we're P - [ Jake gestures to himself. ] - B - [ The video screen swings around to show Boyle who, catching on to the gimmick, points to himself ] - and J - [ And now the camera blurs for a sec in rapid transition to show a very unimpressed Jessica Jones somewhere in the back, feet up on the table. The lens stays on her for long enough that her only reaction is to flip the bird before Jake turns the camera back around on him.

He smiles. ] She loves it.

Aaaaanyway, we're an Investigations service. You got a case you can't solve? A bad guy to put away? Someone - or someones - to save? Cat in a tree? Mmmaybe just leave that to Superman. But the rest of it, the gritty, grimy, bloody stuff - just give us a call and we're on it. With style. Check out this cool leather jacket, I got it just for the gig.

[ It's probably time for Boyle to step in and tell them the important stuff. Like contact information. But not before he fully endorses his buddies' fashion sense. ]

Amazing jacket, by the way, Jakey! Really gives you the super fly P.I. feel. Love it. You know I--

-- Boyle...

RIGHT! Oh! We're in need of some help around the office, y'know, receptioning and that kind of thing, part time or full. Apply within. The rest of you: come find us at Maurtia Falls, [ Insert address and contacts here. ] to see Jakes' jacket in person, and get your problems solved by this fine threesome of--

[ Boyle's cut off by an agitated sounding, ] Jesus! [ from Jess, and with an accompanied sigh of annoyance and a jostle of the camera, the feed cuts off. ]

Comments

voice

[killtime]

I'm simultaneously compelled and repulsed.

[hardedged]

Join the goddamn club.

[killtime]

Club's looking pretty full.

Should you be charging an extra babysitting fee?

[hardedged]

On it.

[killtime]

Want me to bring you a bottle in a discrete paper bag?

[hardedged]

There's not enough booze in the world to fix this crap.

[killtime]

Might make the sandwiches go down easier though.

[hardedged]

Hey, smartass. Not in the mood.

[ go annoy somebody else, andy. ]

[killtime]

[ BUT JESS UR HER FAVE ]

Alright, alright. Offer's on the table though. I still owe you for that one time I bled on you in a nasty public restroom.

[hardedged]

[ PUT A RING ON IT, THEN ]

You think one drink will make up for all that? Try again.

[killtime]

[ U JUST GIVE HER A CHANCE BOO ]

Keep talking like that, and I'm going to think you want me to take you out for a drink more often.

[hardedged]

[ a sharp scoff. ]

You're not my type.

[ THAT'S A HUGE LIE, FOR THE RECORD ... ]

[9544]

That's the sweet spot!

[killtime]

There's really only two possibilities here: You're really good at this or really bad at this, and I'm impressed that I can't figure out which one it is.

voice

[hardboyled]

It's a good feel, right?!

[killtime]

It's definitely a feel.

So who's in charge, Detective Butter?

[hardboyled]

Totally Detective Peanut! Or... maybe Jelly?! One of those. There's a few behind the scenes ladies who might wanna take that role too...

[His point is, literally anyone but him is in charge.]

[killtime]

Didn't realize running a P.I. office was such a complicated venture. So, if I wanted to hire the threesome, would I have my people talk to your people?

[hardboyled]

You could just show up! That's why we have an office!

[killtime]

What's the likelihood of me getting sung at if I show up in person?

[hardboyled]

On a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to be sung at?

[killtime]

I'd put myself at a solid 2.

[hardboyled]

Is this on a scale of one being the highest?

[killtime]

Absolutely not, Buttercup.

[hardboyled]

Damnit! Worth a shot. Okay, okay, I cannot promise there'll be no singing, but I will do my absolute best to not do it in the same room.