video; three human disasters walk into an office

[hardboyled]

[ Some may be familiar with the tuneful "Da na na na na na~" being sung as the feed pans across a sparse looking office. Presumably it's an office anyway, judging by the mahogany desk and two whole chairs within it. Jake Peralta is at said desk pretending to be on the phone and looking super busy, managing a dopey grin and finger guns as the camera passes him despite all this clearly hard work he's doing. There's even a brief shot of Jessica Jones in the corner, drink in hand, scowling heavily into it, but then the camera is swinging round to a close up of Boyle's face as he starts up with a beautiful rendition of the Ghostbusters theme: ]

If there's something bad in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?!
P, B and J!
If there's someone weird
And they don't look good...

[ Leaning in to put his face next to Jake's, almost cheek to cheek; ]

Who you gonna call?!

[ Jake only manages the briefest of protests before giving in. ]

No, Boyle, I will not si-- P, B and J!

[ Jake gives his line an extra boost of feeling before he transitions into something of a more official announcer's voice. He's got some important things to say and this requires his utmost focus.

They're running a business here.

Which means Jake's waving at the little video screen and grinning like a loon. ] Okay, so we're P - [ Jake gestures to himself. ] - B - [ The video screen swings around to show Boyle who, catching on to the gimmick, points to himself ] - and J - [ And now the camera blurs for a sec in rapid transition to show a very unimpressed Jessica Jones somewhere in the back, feet up on the table. The lens stays on her for long enough that her only reaction is to flip the bird before Jake turns the camera back around on him.

He smiles. ] She loves it.

Aaaaanyway, we're an Investigations service. You got a case you can't solve? A bad guy to put away? Someone - or someones - to save? Cat in a tree? Mmmaybe just leave that to Superman. But the rest of it, the gritty, grimy, bloody stuff - just give us a call and we're on it. With style. Check out this cool leather jacket, I got it just for the gig.

[ It's probably time for Boyle to step in and tell them the important stuff. Like contact information. But not before he fully endorses his buddies' fashion sense. ]

Amazing jacket, by the way, Jakey! Really gives you the super fly P.I. feel. Love it. You know I--

-- Boyle...

RIGHT! Oh! We're in need of some help around the office, y'know, receptioning and that kind of thing, part time or full. Apply within. The rest of you: come find us at Maurtia Falls, [ Insert address and contacts here. ] to see Jakes' jacket in person, and get your problems solved by this fine threesome of--

[ Boyle's cut off by an agitated sounding, ] Jesus! [ from Jess, and with an accompanied sigh of annoyance and a jostle of the camera, the feed cuts off. ]

Comments

video;

[cleptes]

[There were so many things Bela could comment on about this advertisement. Instead, she just focuses on the one thing - the lady who flipped the bird. ]

I don't think 'J' is as into it as the two of you.

[hardedged]

[ when jessica ultimately answers, a sullen scowl adorns her face as she gives a dry scoff. finally, someone with half a brain. ]

No shit.

video;

[hardboyled]

What?! [Colour him surprised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]

But Jelly is an integral part of the PB&J!

[9544]

Nahh.

She's totally into it! That there is just deep-seeded enthusiasm. Don't worry about it.

video ;

[phoenixleader]

Well, I happen to be moving to Maurita Falls pretty soon.
Haven't exactly had experience with 'secretarial duties', but I have done investigative work. [ You know. As a Rebel Spy back in the day before she became a rebel smuggler, then rebel pilot- ]

But if you're helping people, I'd like to lend my assistance as best I can.

[hardedged]

[ there's a sharp snort, as jess lifts her brow. ]

Don't bother, lady. They can't even help themselves.

video;

[hardboyled]

If you can answer a phone and greet people, then we'd love to have you! We'd never say to a fresh set of eyes on the occasional case either.

[9544]

Now you're speakin' our language!

[ Jake looks pretty excited. And he thinks he'd make a great boss, so. ]

Secretarial duties are basically like, writing down memos and picking up the phone every once in a while. No big.

[voice]

[mindsnakes]

Great. You've ruined sandwiches for me.

[Not that Overkill eats sandwiches. He's too macho for food that involves, you know, preparation. ]

So, you're mercenaries.

[hardedged]

Nope. [ she corrects him, all without missing a beat. ] They're morons.

[voice]

[hardboyled]

[Sandwiches can never be ruined.]

Investigators! We help the down trodden when no one else will.

[9544]

[ But no seriously: ]

Mercenaries of criiiime. Actually, no. There is no killing. We don't kill. That's our number one policy.

[yaaas_queen]

[The rare instance of video where Gina isn't touching her phone, likely because she is capturing this little commercial on a flash drive for posterity's sake]

I can't believe you guys went and traded in Rosa just to make your little sandwich joke. What happened camaraderie? What happened to solidarity? What happened to Rosa's jacket--is that what you're wearing, Jake?

[hardedged]

Who the hell are you?

[ she's great at first impressions. #nailedit, jones. ]

[hardboyled]

Oh, is that Rosa's? I thought I recognised it!

VIDEO.

[accelerate]

[ guess who is eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich right now? the flash in all his red suit glory. his voice vibrates when he speaks ... when his mouth isn't full. ]

If you guys ever need assistance with the Superman stuff ... I can always help. I'll leave the gritty, grimy, bloody stuff for you guys. That stuff's scary.

[ it's not. ]

[hardedged]

[ squints at ... ]

Yeah? You're gonna save the day with what — the black hole you call a stomach?

[ wait, that sounds familiar. hmm. ]

VIDEO.

[contradict]

[ elektra can't be assed to contain her amused smile, mostly for jessica's benefit. so many people take themselves so seriously ... at least p and b are having fun. ]

One of the finest threesomes I've ever seen. Nice song.

[hardedged]

[ shit, not her wife. HER WIFE CAN SEE THIS ... ]

Back off, Natchios.

[ she's going to die of embarrassment. bye. ]

voice

[killtime]

I'm simultaneously compelled and repulsed.

[hardedged]

Join the goddamn club.

[text]

[pop_of_color]

cool well fuck you guys too

[9544]

diaz!!!

haaaaaaaaay girl

obviously you're like

the rose (with the fancy e) you drink with the sandwich

do people drink wine with sandwiches

i have no idea

video;

[deadkord]

A "fine threesome of Jesus"? Boy, maybe you guys should've advertised on Easter.

[hardedged]

Hilarious.

Video

[viced]

[ He's very clearly laughing. ]

So you all are going to do all the jobs that...Superman wouldn't be able to?

[hardedged]

[ great, now some asshole is laughing at her. thanks to these idiots. ]

Not all. [ more like both. ] They're on their own.

voice.

[functusofficio]

It sounds like you and Jake have both been able to find a way to continue what you would like to do, Boyle. I'm very happy for you both. And for Jessica, as well.

[ Who she. Doesn't really know who that is, she seems angry?? But she's there with them, so. ]

I hope you're able to find a good receptionist shortly.

voice!

[9544]

Heyy! Your Majesty!

-- or is that your Mayorship?

Anyhoodle, thanks for the vote of confidence! We won't let this little town down.

[ Heh. He made a rhyme. ]

video.

[oddbod]

Well, I guess I'll have to come up with a jingle if this is my competition.

[She smiles though, amused - and not just by how mortified Jess looks.]

[9544]

Nothing like a good jingle to spice things up, amirite?

So.

You're in the biz too?

Video;

[lasersounds]

[Okay, Lance might have started up his response a bit earlier, because it just starts with him snickering. He's trying to keep it from turning into full-out laughter, honestly.]

Heck of an advertisement. If you all still need someone to man the desk and be the first face people see...I'm willing to take on the job. Can give you a hand on the field if you ever need it too.

[9544]

Hey, man! That sounds great. You got like, previous experience or anything like that?

[ You know, #credentials.

That sounds pretty professional, right?

Still, Jake shrugs. ]

Whatever, just come by our office one day and we'll have a chat! See if we all vibe, you know?

video | kay demanded i hit this three times, i'm sorry

[specialise]

[ the tune is great, and even the enthusiasm of "p" and "b" with the obvious exception of "j", but raven's missing one thing. she frowns, trying to figure out this obvious riddle. ]

You lost me. Is there some sort of significance to P, B, and J? Or are you guys just making shit up?

[ the apocalypse took out pb&j sandwiches :( ]

it's true, i did 💖

[hardedged]

[ oh look, it's her bff who owes her money. ]

Neither. They're morons.

[ helpful answer, jones. ]