video; three human disasters walk into an office

[hardboyled]

[ Some may be familiar with the tuneful "Da na na na na na~" being sung as the feed pans across a sparse looking office. Presumably it's an office anyway, judging by the mahogany desk and two whole chairs within it. Jake Peralta is at said desk pretending to be on the phone and looking super busy, managing a dopey grin and finger guns as the camera passes him despite all this clearly hard work he's doing. There's even a brief shot of Jessica Jones in the corner, drink in hand, scowling heavily into it, but then the camera is swinging round to a close up of Boyle's face as he starts up with a beautiful rendition of the Ghostbusters theme: ]

If there's something bad in your neighborhood
Who you gonna call?!
P, B and J!
If there's someone weird
And they don't look good...

[ Leaning in to put his face next to Jake's, almost cheek to cheek; ]

Who you gonna call?!

[ Jake only manages the briefest of protests before giving in. ]

No, Boyle, I will not si-- P, B and J!

[ Jake gives his line an extra boost of feeling before he transitions into something of a more official announcer's voice. He's got some important things to say and this requires his utmost focus.

They're running a business here.

Which means Jake's waving at the little video screen and grinning like a loon. ] Okay, so we're P - [ Jake gestures to himself. ] - B - [ The video screen swings around to show Boyle who, catching on to the gimmick, points to himself ] - and J - [ And now the camera blurs for a sec in rapid transition to show a very unimpressed Jessica Jones somewhere in the back, feet up on the table. The lens stays on her for long enough that her only reaction is to flip the bird before Jake turns the camera back around on him.

He smiles. ] She loves it.

Aaaaanyway, we're an Investigations service. You got a case you can't solve? A bad guy to put away? Someone - or someones - to save? Cat in a tree? Mmmaybe just leave that to Superman. But the rest of it, the gritty, grimy, bloody stuff - just give us a call and we're on it. With style. Check out this cool leather jacket, I got it just for the gig.

[ It's probably time for Boyle to step in and tell them the important stuff. Like contact information. But not before he fully endorses his buddies' fashion sense. ]

Amazing jacket, by the way, Jakey! Really gives you the super fly P.I. feel. Love it. You know I--

-- Boyle...

RIGHT! Oh! We're in need of some help around the office, y'know, receptioning and that kind of thing, part time or full. Apply within. The rest of you: come find us at Maurtia Falls, [ Insert address and contacts here. ] to see Jakes' jacket in person, and get your problems solved by this fine threesome of--

[ Boyle's cut off by an agitated sounding, ] Jesus! [ from Jess, and with an accompanied sigh of annoyance and a jostle of the camera, the feed cuts off. ]

Comments

it's true, i did 💖

[hardedged]

[ oh look, it's her bff who owes her money. ]

Neither. They're morons.

[ helpful answer, jones. ]

[specialise]

[ — the bff jessica owes money to. fixed it. ]

[ raven arches her brow. ]

And you’re doing this with them.

[ it’s not a question. can you hear the judgement in her tone? if you hang with alleged morons ... ]

[hardedged]

I'm only here to collect on the cash they owe me.

[ aka — they teamed up once, and now she's regretting it forever. ]

Sound familiar, Reyes?

[specialise]

[ raven purses her lips together, thinking it over. when it seems like she’s going to say the right thing ... ] No.

So, does P, B, and J stand for your names?

[hardedged]

No shit.

[ she's only mean to hide her true feelings. ]

Never heard of it before?

[specialise]

[ there’s a really good chance raven’s answer is going to only invite ridicule ... so she answers with the truth, unabashedly. with a shrug, like it’s not a big deal, ] Yeah. Never heard of this P, B, and J thing before. [ she even gives it a little flick of her wrist. ]

[hardedged]

[ a low scoff, yet she keeps the ridicule to a minimum. ]

It's a crapass sandwich. You're not missing much.

[specialise]

[ raven frowns, not quite believing it. ]

If it’s so crapass, why are you naming your threesome after it?

[ she may be using one specific word on purpose. she got u there, jj. ]

[hardedged]

Don't.

[ use that word, god. her expression twists into an irritated grimace. ]

Wasn't my idea.

[specialise]

[ raven doesn’t smile, despite the burst of amusement she feels. she thinks she’s getting a better read on jessica — she likes to act cool and indifferent, but she’s not anything close to it. ]

Why’d you go along with it? You don’t seem like you even like P and B.

[ it’s not accusatory, simply stated, welcome to being corrected. ]

[hardedged]

[ with a dry snort, she rolls her eyes. ]

I'm not going along with shit. I'm here for my money, and then I'm out.

[specialise]

Right. [ she doesn’t sound like she believes her, because she doesn’t. ]

So instead of starting your own P, B, and J with just the J, you’re partnering up with two morons for business. [ this is like a puzzle, and raven wishes to unravel it. ] They don’t seem very efficient in what they’re proposing to do.

[ no offense jake and boyle!!! ]

[hardedged]

[ yes offense, as far as jess is concerned. ]

For the last goddamn time— [ pulling a business card from her pocket, she holds it up to the camera, then exhales gruffly. the name, "alias investigations," is printed on there. ] Not part of whatever the hell this is.

[ she's already set up her own shop, months ago. ]

[specialise]

So they’re just P and B.

[ why are you letting them smear your good name then, jessica? how do you get money from not advertising your own business? so many questions run through raven’s mind and the only one that seems important is to inquire about what sandwich p, b, and j make. ]

Doesn’t that mean that’s half the sandwich?

[hardedged]

[ raven, why are you crushing her soul like this ... ]

It means they're dumb pricks for using a sandwich pun in the first place.

[specialise]

[ rather than pursuing her path of trying to determine if jessica jones is truly trying to deny her place in this pb&j sandwich, raven tilts her head to the side. ] Is it really? If you're their competition, it'd make sense you think that ...

[ please just admit you're the jelly in this sandwich, explain what pb&j is, and run off into the sunset with her. ]

[hardedged]

[ hell no. ]

Jesus.

[ pressing her lips together, she huffs out an annoyed breath. she's already sick and tired of this conversation. ]