video.

[youresovein]

[ Behold: Lestat, sprawled on a velvet couch in a leather jacket, head leaned casually on the arm rest. Visible from this selfie angle, discarded on his coffee table, is a laptop open to a word processor. He's deep in thought tonight. ]

Have you ever fallen in love? Have you ever been punched very hard in the face, or perhaps attacked by a pack of starving wolves? For those of you who've done both, would you say the experiences were at all comparable?

Comments

[youresovein]

Hm. Dulled somewhat by time and distance, then?

[fridgeflower]

Exactly that, yeah.

I've been her four years. That much time in a whole other world, with completely different circumstances... It's not like I can blame us for the dramatics, and I remember the feelings and still feel adjacent to them, but... Yeah. It also feels nearly foreign to me sometimes.

[youresovein]

Four years. That's— how old are you?

[fridgeflower]

I turned twenty in January.

[youresovein]

Then that's practically the entire portion of your life that's been worth living!

[ As if he's personally offended by the idea. ]

[fridgeflower]

Is it?

I mean... I hope I still have some worthwhile times left. That'd be nice.

[youresovein]

Oh, I meant up to this point. I'm sure you have plenty of good years ahead of you.

[fridgeflower]

Good. I'd hate to have wasted my greatest years on dying and being really sad about it.

I'm trying to learn to be good at being alive now, you know. It would've been a lot of work for nothing if my teenaged years had to be the worthwhile ones.

[youresovein]

Good at being alive, [ he repeats, sounding both thoughtful and politely amused about it. ]

I'd say you're miles ahead of most people, if you're actually bothering to put thought into it. What sounds worthwhile to you these days?

[fridgeflower]

Nothing elaborate, just yet. I'd like to be a little more... Impulsive, I guess? Daring? And I'd like to be more comfortable and open with more people, and to be good at having fun with them.

I know it'll sound needy and dumb, but I want to love people and be loved in return, without being afraid of it or doubting it. I want to feel it all the way and live in it.

[youresovein]

If you ask me — and I know you didn't, but it's fair game since this is my post and I'm a busybody — if you ask me, that sounds the very opposite of dumb. When you get down to it, what else is there but love?

Besides fame and fortune, obviously. But after those two basic needs are met, I think most of us feel that need to be needed. To know that we matter to those who matter to us. [ He tips his head a little, something sympathetic passing over his expression. ] You say you want to be more daring, but it takes courage to admit to wanting something, sometimes.

[fridgeflower]

Good to know I'm not at a total loss, then! That's all... It's nice of you to speak of me like that. I know I haven't done poorly in my life or anything, but being unable to meet kinda trivial life goals... Well. It makes it feel like I've still got a long way to go.

Granted, most of what I want it super-intangible, so I'm sure that doesn't help.