maskormenace | 🐍🗡🗡🗡⚡️

[ the video opens on the handsome face and stupidly broad shoulders of a rather cheery-looking man, which is a little at odds with the fact that he's in a holding cell in a Heropan police station. it looks like he's wearing some sort of leather-like tunic, like a lightweight armor; there's a bright blue pauldron covering one shoulder, the other bare, and there's clearly a cape attached on one side, but not the other. his hair and beard are both short, neatly trimmed, and his smile is a friendly, genuine sort — again, a little at odds with the scene behind him, where the sliding crossed-bar metal door separates the man from the wider view of the police station, several uniformed officials in the background going about their jobs. ]

[ also, he's got an eye patch. metal. ... literally, it's made of metal. there's a wicked-looking scar running beneath it, from his brow and across his cheek, so the covering is probably deserved. ]

Hello there, New Earth.

[ he waves at the camera. ]

It's quite a different planet than the last Earth I visited. A little less familiar, a little less besieged by aliens. Fewer wizards, maybe. Still mostly human, though, you've got that going for you.

[ although there's some din of other people in the ambient background noise, there's a suspicious-sounding cough caught suspiciously-close to the microphone; the man's single eye flicks away from the camera to instead stare at the suspiciously off-screen source. ]

What? Oh, come on, would you really have preferred an Earth full of Dark Elves?

[ he continues to stare at this suspicious someone off-screen; the camera shifts a little to the side, and starts to turn— ]

[ —there's a somewhat comedic-sounding yelp, and then... some sort of bird call? the camera jostles violently before being covered by something dark. ]

[ a heavy sigh follows. ]

Now you're just being absurd.

[ after a moment, the feed comes back to show a pretty brunette woman in a blue dress, looking like she tumbled in from a semi-casual renaissance faire. she stands stiffly, her arms crossed, sending an absolutely murderous glare towards the first speaker. her lips are pressed tightly together, and she seems to have no intention of actually saying anything. from elsewhere-further off-camera, a younger man's voice: dude! do Beyonce next! ]

You'll have to excuse my brother here. [ the one-eyed man indicates the brunette woman with an extended thumb; there are smears of blood on his fingers, a splash of red all across his palm. he smiles, but it's quite Tired. ] He's a bit of a coward when it comes to meeting new people. Always makes a bad first impression. I can't take him anywhere.

I told you I wouldn't include myself in this. [ the woman (apparently the man's "brother") finally speaks, but her words are hushed and angry, and directed at the one-eyed man. she reaches toward the camera—it swings away from her before she can grab it, and the picture is a blur of color. her voice continues from off-screen in an anxious hiss: ] I'm trying to keep a low profile. Stop talking before you completely ruin it.

If you wanted to keep a low profile, you shouldn't have gotten us arrested the day we got here.

[ the picture finally refocuses from a different angle; it's further away from our idiot leads, who are clearly distracted by their argument. ]

How was I supposed to know they'd overreact? You're the expert on this backwoods planet. [ he isn't given chance to interrupt; the woman barrels on, as if her few minutes of silence had only allowed her thoughts to build up pressure for a flood: ] We don't even have to be here, you know. I can just walk us out whenever we like. This cell isn't even enchanted. [ a beat. ] It's pitiful, really.

We're not becoming fugitives of human law because you don't want to pay bail after you stabbed a man in a diner.

[ the man rolls his single eye and shrugs his shoulders, but looks once more at the camera. he smiles, deflective. just a little spat between siblings! that's normal! ]

Sorry. Where are my manners? I am Thor, son of Odin of Asgard. Thank you for bringing me and my brother to your planet. Unfortunately, I've already had my share of being imprisoned this week, so if any of you would like to barter for my release, that'd be great, thanks.

[ he waves his hand toward the camera — yep, still covered in blood — and the feed ends there. ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Five thousand six hundred and ninety-two for us both.

[ look............. ]

[That's a lot of ramen.]

...yeah, fine, I can scrounge that up. Please keep your brother from driving the price up even more because I've gotta pay my bills too.

You have my word.

What is your name, Lawyer?

Foggy Nelson. [Yes, he knows it's a weird name for a lawyer.] And you're Thor, and—who's your brother?

[Yeah, he doesn't know that's Loki, he's just assuming that's someone else. Who looks kind of like someone he knows here wtf.]

Do you mind waiting, uh, no more than two hours for me to answer that? I would rather he not stab me again today.

Um—sure? In the interests of not getting you stabbed, yeah, I can wait.

Incidentally, just out of curiosity, do you guys have family therapists on Asgard?

No, what for?

...nothing. I was just curious, don't worry about it. [That explains so much about this post.]

Of course. I don't worry about anything that isn't worthy of it.

[ so like............ most.... human stuff....... like therapy and computers... ]

Oh. Some others have offered to help with the bail, if you need it. I do not mean to put too great of a burden on you, Nelson.

I'm definitely going to need it. But hey, listen, it's fine—again, don't worry too much about it. Just worry about your brother.

Of course. I'm keeping my eye on him.

[ eyyyyyyy ]

There might be something that can be done about that bail that doesn't hurt your account quite so much.

...I'm listening. [Save him from having to eat ramen dinners for a month! Please!!]

There is a Native law firm that offers legal assistance to imPorts. They may be interested in footing at least part of the bail to help get their name out, and perhaps it could give you more connections and opportunities. I'm sure they would love to have an imPort join their ranks.

That is, if you're interested.

I've already got a law firm, so I don't know about joining their ranks—but I'd love to talk to them, see if I can't strike a deal with them anyway. Five thousand is a lot, I'd be glad for some assistance.

Of course, I understand completely. Last we spoke, you were still fairly new to this universe. I didn't realize you'd already established your own firm.

Here is their contact information.

[There is a link to a website for a DeKath and West Law Office in Heropa (listed here).]

While we are on that subject, perhaps I could add your firm to our list of affiliated businesses? It never hurts to have another laywer on hand, especially considering the sorts of incidents that tend to happen here.

[Last we—oh! Right, he'd forgotten about that.]

Yeah, it's—it's been way too long, there's a lot to catch you up on. Did you Port out? [He saves that link for later, when he's not walking down the street, when he can catch a little bit of time to send off a quick e-mail and ask for help.]

Of course. I'm—flattered by the offer, we—I wouldn't mind coming in to help out, especially with the occasional incidents. [It's a slip of the tongue, that we, like Foggy had slipped back into the habit of accounting for someone else for a second before he glanced to the side and found no one there.] Although it's been somewhat quiet lately.

I was recently ported out for a month and a half, yes. The longest one yet. At this rate, by the time I'm permanently ported out, I'll have been here for centuries.

[He smiles.]

Excellent. If you'll just send me the information, I'll get my people on that as soon as possible. We may also be able to help with some of the legal fees for any clients we send your way.

And, it being quiet lately is exactly why the community needs to be prepared.

Is that possible? Staying here that long, never going home for long?

[That doesn't sound good to Foggy. He can't imagine being here for as long as some of the older imPorts, can't imagine being away from home for so long. He misses New York, sometimes.]

You had me at "help with legal fees", honestly. Hang on a sec, I'll text it privately—[and the feed cuts out for a couple of minutes, before a text containing information on the little law firm that Foggy's been running for a few months now shows up in Kang's inbox. Its record isn't too shabby, and a couple of the cases Foggy's been on have even shown up in brief news articles. The rates are affordable, even a bit low, and there's a significant amount of pro bono work.

Wow, no wonder this guy's kinda broke.]

You think something incredibly bad is going down soon?

Likely not for you, being human. And I certainly hope not for me, either.

[Humans have such short life spans, after all.

...whoa, yeah, those are definitely lower numbers than he was expecting.]

Things do seem to have ramped up in the last year or so, when they do happen. The missile situation was a very close call.

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