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[thunderriere]

[ the video opens on the handsome face and stupidly broad shoulders of a rather cheery-looking man, which is a little at odds with the fact that he's in a holding cell in a Heropan police station. it looks like he's wearing some sort of leather-like tunic, like a lightweight armor; there's a bright blue pauldron covering one shoulder, the other bare, and there's clearly a cape attached on one side, but not the other. his hair and beard are both short, neatly trimmed, and his smile is a friendly, genuine sort — again, a little at odds with the scene behind him, where the sliding crossed-bar metal door separates the man from the wider view of the police station, several uniformed officials in the background going about their jobs. ]

[ also, he's got an eye patch. metal. ... literally, it's made of metal. there's a wicked-looking scar running beneath it, from his brow and across his cheek, so the covering is probably deserved. ]

Hello there, New Earth.

[ he waves at the camera. ]

It's quite a different planet than the last Earth I visited. A little less familiar, a little less besieged by aliens. Fewer wizards, maybe. Still mostly human, though, you've got that going for you.

[ although there's some din of other people in the ambient background noise, there's a suspicious-sounding cough caught suspiciously-close to the microphone; the man's single eye flicks away from the camera to instead stare at the suspiciously off-screen source. ]

What? Oh, come on, would you really have preferred an Earth full of Dark Elves?

[ he continues to stare at this suspicious someone off-screen; the camera shifts a little to the side, and starts to turn— ]

[ —there's a somewhat comedic-sounding yelp, and then... some sort of bird call? the camera jostles violently before being covered by something dark. ]

[ a heavy sigh follows. ]

Now you're just being absurd.

[ after a moment, the feed comes back to show a pretty brunette woman in a blue dress, looking like she tumbled in from a semi-casual renaissance faire. she stands stiffly, her arms crossed, sending an absolutely murderous glare towards the first speaker. her lips are pressed tightly together, and she seems to have no intention of actually saying anything. from elsewhere-further off-camera, a younger man's voice: dude! do Beyonce next! ]

You'll have to excuse my brother here. [ the one-eyed man indicates the brunette woman with an extended thumb; there are smears of blood on his fingers, a splash of red all across his palm. he smiles, but it's quite Tired. ] He's a bit of a coward when it comes to meeting new people. Always makes a bad first impression. I can't take him anywhere.

I told you I wouldn't include myself in this. [ the woman (apparently the man's "brother") finally speaks, but her words are hushed and angry, and directed at the one-eyed man. she reaches toward the camera—it swings away from her before she can grab it, and the picture is a blur of color. her voice continues from off-screen in an anxious hiss: ] I'm trying to keep a low profile. Stop talking before you completely ruin it.

If you wanted to keep a low profile, you shouldn't have gotten us arrested the day we got here.

[ the picture finally refocuses from a different angle; it's further away from our idiot leads, who are clearly distracted by their argument. ]

How was I supposed to know they'd overreact? You're the expert on this backwoods planet. [ he isn't given chance to interrupt; the woman barrels on, as if her few minutes of silence had only allowed her thoughts to build up pressure for a flood: ] We don't even have to be here, you know. I can just walk us out whenever we like. This cell isn't even enchanted. [ a beat. ] It's pitiful, really.

We're not becoming fugitives of human law because you don't want to pay bail after you stabbed a man in a diner.

[ the man rolls his single eye and shrugs his shoulders, but looks once more at the camera. he smiles, deflective. just a little spat between siblings! that's normal! ]

Sorry. Where are my manners? I am Thor, son of Odin of Asgard. Thank you for bringing me and my brother to your planet. Unfortunately, I've already had my share of being imprisoned this week, so if any of you would like to barter for my release, that'd be great, thanks.

[ he waves his hand toward the camera — yep, still covered in blood — and the feed ends there. ]

Comments

[notawitch]

[She rolls her eyes and does the exact same thing, except she holds it for longer and manages to look super bored the whole time. Beat that!!!! (Sorry, Anders, this one's a hell of a showboat.)]

Is that supposed to impress me.

[rebelhealer]

[The fact that neither of them are going to be arrested just for showing off that little in public continues to make him smile.]

Not bad, but are you a healer as well?

[notawitch]

[Joke's on you, Loki's already been arrested!!]

I daresay I can do most anything.

[...Though healing isn't his strong suit, but Anders doesn't need to know that.]

[rebelhealer]

[Yes, but it wasn't for the sole reason of being able to do magic.]

Because that's not a non-answer at all.

[notawitch]

It is an answer.

[Sort of.]

Why do you ask? Medical emergency I'm not aware of? My apologies, but as you can see, I'm occupied at the moment.

[rebelhealer]

No, I was just curious, because I'm a healer myself.

[notawitch]

Ah. [The woman's face is pleasant enough, but Loki is still seeing this as a dick-measuring contest because that's how he is.]

A commendable practice. Not terribly versatile, but it has its uses.

[rebelhealer]

[Justice is telling him not to get into a pissing contest. Okay, he doesn't use those exact words, but that's the intention.]

I've healed at least nine broken bones since I got here, so I'd say it's more than a little useful.

[Okay, five of those were a kid's finger bones, but it counts.]

[notawitch]

They were incapable of it themselves?

[Look, you don't need healers as much when you're durable as hell and naturally heal stupidly fast besides, it's reasonable Loki wouldn't have studied it much, YOU'RE NOT COOL, ANDERS!!!!]

[rebelhealer]

[Anders is unsure if Loki's supposed to be kidding.]

Only if they wanted to wait several months and have to wear a splint the whole time.

[notawitch]

[She shakes her head with an indulgent smile, as if Anders has just said something cute. Oh, humans.]

That is an unfortunate state of affairs.

[rebelhealer]

[Anders' eyes glow blue for just an instant. Justice doesn't appreciate the healing arts being mocked.]

Well, for those of us who can't just shrug off a broken bone or stab wound, it comes in handy to know a healer, or be one yourself.

[notawitch]

[She puts up a placating hand.]

No offense meant toward your chosen practice, I assure you. [except for the part where he's a big lying dickhead]

[rebelhealer]

[How is it that he doesn't quite believe Loki?]

What's your chosen practice, having a smart mouth?

[notawitch]

Oh, you noticed!

[rebelhealer]

You'd get along with my friend Varric.

[notawitch]

Should that mean something to me?

[rebelhealer]

He's got a smart mouth too.

[Shrug.]

He's all the way back in my world anyway.