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[thunderriere]

[ the video opens on the handsome face and stupidly broad shoulders of a rather cheery-looking man, which is a little at odds with the fact that he's in a holding cell in a Heropan police station. it looks like he's wearing some sort of leather-like tunic, like a lightweight armor; there's a bright blue pauldron covering one shoulder, the other bare, and there's clearly a cape attached on one side, but not the other. his hair and beard are both short, neatly trimmed, and his smile is a friendly, genuine sort — again, a little at odds with the scene behind him, where the sliding crossed-bar metal door separates the man from the wider view of the police station, several uniformed officials in the background going about their jobs. ]

[ also, he's got an eye patch. metal. ... literally, it's made of metal. there's a wicked-looking scar running beneath it, from his brow and across his cheek, so the covering is probably deserved. ]

Hello there, New Earth.

[ he waves at the camera. ]

It's quite a different planet than the last Earth I visited. A little less familiar, a little less besieged by aliens. Fewer wizards, maybe. Still mostly human, though, you've got that going for you.

[ although there's some din of other people in the ambient background noise, there's a suspicious-sounding cough caught suspiciously-close to the microphone; the man's single eye flicks away from the camera to instead stare at the suspiciously off-screen source. ]

What? Oh, come on, would you really have preferred an Earth full of Dark Elves?

[ he continues to stare at this suspicious someone off-screen; the camera shifts a little to the side, and starts to turn— ]

[ —there's a somewhat comedic-sounding yelp, and then... some sort of bird call? the camera jostles violently before being covered by something dark. ]

[ a heavy sigh follows. ]

Now you're just being absurd.

[ after a moment, the feed comes back to show a pretty brunette woman in a blue dress, looking like she tumbled in from a semi-casual renaissance faire. she stands stiffly, her arms crossed, sending an absolutely murderous glare towards the first speaker. her lips are pressed tightly together, and she seems to have no intention of actually saying anything. from elsewhere-further off-camera, a younger man's voice: dude! do Beyonce next! ]

You'll have to excuse my brother here. [ the one-eyed man indicates the brunette woman with an extended thumb; there are smears of blood on his fingers, a splash of red all across his palm. he smiles, but it's quite Tired. ] He's a bit of a coward when it comes to meeting new people. Always makes a bad first impression. I can't take him anywhere.

I told you I wouldn't include myself in this. [ the woman (apparently the man's "brother") finally speaks, but her words are hushed and angry, and directed at the one-eyed man. she reaches toward the camera—it swings away from her before she can grab it, and the picture is a blur of color. her voice continues from off-screen in an anxious hiss: ] I'm trying to keep a low profile. Stop talking before you completely ruin it.

If you wanted to keep a low profile, you shouldn't have gotten us arrested the day we got here.

[ the picture finally refocuses from a different angle; it's further away from our idiot leads, who are clearly distracted by their argument. ]

How was I supposed to know they'd overreact? You're the expert on this backwoods planet. [ he isn't given chance to interrupt; the woman barrels on, as if her few minutes of silence had only allowed her thoughts to build up pressure for a flood: ] We don't even have to be here, you know. I can just walk us out whenever we like. This cell isn't even enchanted. [ a beat. ] It's pitiful, really.

We're not becoming fugitives of human law because you don't want to pay bail after you stabbed a man in a diner.

[ the man rolls his single eye and shrugs his shoulders, but looks once more at the camera. he smiles, deflective. just a little spat between siblings! that's normal! ]

Sorry. Where are my manners? I am Thor, son of Odin of Asgard. Thank you for bringing me and my brother to your planet. Unfortunately, I've already had my share of being imprisoned this week, so if any of you would like to barter for my release, that'd be great, thanks.

[ he waves his hand toward the camera — yep, still covered in blood — and the feed ends there. ]

Comments

[liverletdie]

Well, it does when we have an argument and I need a cheap shot to make my point.

[notawitch]

Why would I have any reason to quarrel with you, Mr. Stark?

[Loki is totally cackling internally. Good thing his poker face is amazing.]

[liverletdie]

Oh please. [ A roll of his eyes. ]

When don't you?

[notawitch]

[Well, there's no point in pretending with Tony. Thor's already called him his brother, after all.

Thanks.]

True. I do love our chats, Tony Stark.

[Countdown till he gets yelled at about New York, because this is definitely the same Tony.]

[liverletdie]

Oh yes, of course you do. You know, you found me so irresistible that once you bought me in a date auction while here.

[ He brushed his shoulder. ]

Not that I can blame you, I am very attractive.

[ Definitely the same Tony. ]

[notawitch]

[The illusion wrinkles her nose in visible disgust. Ew.]

I can assure you that did not happen.

[liverletdie]

Not back home, no. It was here, and several years ago. You even had...ah -- you were in a similar-ish form.

Trust me, I don't forget these things. Genius, remember?

[notawitch]

[Had what, Tony? Boobs?

She rolls her shoulders back in a way that might have been a shrug, but also serves to make said boobs a little more prominent. "Subtle."]

I assure you I would never be guilty of such poor taste. You must have dealt with an imposter.

[liverletdie]

[ He actually does look. He can't help it. ]

Oh, no, it was really you. The you I know, though. I wonder, are you the same, or different. An early timeline, perhaps? [ He scratched at his chin. ] I have met two different versions of you, from multiple moments in time.

[notawitch]

I seem to be a popular subject of impersonation. I suppose I can hardly blame them.

[liverletdie]

[ An annoyed sigh. ]

Do you really think I wouldn't recognize you? I've been running metrics on Asgardian magic for years. I know the real thing when I see it.

[notawitch]

Oh, I'm sure.

[The expression on her face says she's clearly not convinced.]

In any case, I apologize if I got your hopes up. [You know. Datewise.]

[liverletdie]

Oh, don't worry. I'm used to disappointment. This wasn't it.

[ A smirk. ]

So, how much trouble have you gotten into? I'd really like to settle metrics sooner, rather than later, if you don't mind. Identifying which Loki you are definitely helps me decide whether or not you're a threat, or just kind of funny.

[ Spoilers: he's already settling on the second. ]

[notawitch]

[He's totally a threat Tony just watch him!!!

The illusion shrugs with feigned nonchalance.]

Well, if you truly know me, then nothing that surprising. Treason, deals with omnicidal Titans, invasions of Earth, conspiracy, regicide, the destruction of Asgard.

[And probably bringing said Titan down on what's left of Asgard. Despite the casual tone, he can't quite bring himself to smile; the woman's face remains thin-lipped and blank.]

[liverletdie]

Was this before, or after Asgard appeared in Oklahoma?

Or is that a "not at all" scenario for you? [ A beat. ] Ever feign a passing resemblance to the Lady Sif? Ever turn into a child?

[ He's ticking things off his fingers, now. If Loki's gonna NOT SAY MUCH he'll just do the work for him!!! ]

[notawitch]

[There might be a flicker of confusion on her face, but it's quickly suppressed in favor of a coy smile.

Never show your hand. Especially not to people as irritatingly smug as him Tony Stark.]

What would it mean to you if I had?

[liverletdie]

Well, it certainly makes a difference in determining how much of a threat you are, and if I need to build certain contingencies.

[ Who are we kidding? He's making them anyway. ]

[notawitch]

By all means.

[She spreads her hands sardonically.]

Why hold back?

[liverletdie]

[ There's a pause, and something flashes through his eyes. Hate? Loathing? Tony Stark has been hiding, and he hates it. His mouth finally settles on a sardonic grin, a twist nastier than normal. ]

Oh, I don't think anyone would like it if I stopped doing that.

[notawitch]

[Is that a challenge, Tony Stark?]

Try me. I'm no one to judge, after all.

[liverletdie]

Oh, I'm sure you're not, but I've always prided myself in being perfectly in control.

[ A tight smile. ]

I'm not quite as likable when I'm not.

[notawitch]

Tony Stark.

I promise you will never have to worry about whether or not I like you.

[liverletdie]

The fact that you seem to think I'm worried about your opinion is adorable.

I'm not.

[notawitch]

[That's not what he meant u asshole!!!!!]

Then why not just tell me? Get it all out. You'll feel better. And I have to admit, I'm intrigued what it is you think will make you less likable.

[liverletdie]

[ He leaned forward, closer to the camera -- although there's no background behind him. It's just black, like a rendered simulation. ]

I have a secret. I'm... [ A pause. ] A dirty capitalist who might occasionally engage in business practices that some may not find palatable.