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[nostalgiabomb]

[ Hello, network. The feed opens up to shelves and shelves of stuff -- stereos, power tools, appliances, speakers, the works. You name it, you see it. There's even a display rack of guitars hanging on one wall along with amplifiers. And, whoa, hey, was that a horse from a carousel? What the heck?

Today you'll be treated to the dulcet tones of Rupert Holmes' voice as he sings "Escape," though the music is indistinct and soft, almost as if it were playing over headphones. ]

Okay, look-- [ The camera flips around to a dude looking pretty aggravated, and-- oh, hey, those headphones we mentioned earlier are hanging around his neck. ] --I've only been working here for, like, a day or two? But I think it's time for some serious changes. So we're implementing a new rule at the pawn shop, alright? If you're gonna mess around with the guitars, the following songs are now banned.

[ He ticks them off on his fingers as he names them: ]

"Smoke on the Water." "Sweet Child of Mine." "Back in Black." "Purple Haze." "Crazy Train."

And "Stairway to" friggin' "Heaven."

We all get it, rock star. You kinda know your way around a guitar, and you kinda know, like, the first couple bars of the cool parts, but you're seriously not impressin' anyone with your half-remembered riffs.

So to anyone who wants to come in and plans on playing even one note of those songs -- and trust me, I'll know, -- be advised: I have guns. I will use them with extreme prejudice.

[ He pauses for a beat, scrunching up his lips, then he shrugs. ]

Pretty sure that's it. Have a good one.

[ -- and the video ends. ]

Comments

video;

[sizetwelve]

Oh yeah, I'm sure boasting about guns and shooting people is the best way to bring business to your shop. I'll pop right by!

[ DUMBASS? Pawn shops are supposed to be seedy, sure, but come on. How very lame, just tolerate the music bruh. ]

audio;

[nostalgiabomb]

Hey, cool. I'll keep an eye out for the lady who can't take a joke.

audio;

[sizetwelve]

Oh dear, I don't think you're about to use customers as target practice, but you might be surprised to find many people wouldn't take the joke. There's no shortage of shops, why go to the one where you aren't sure if the shopkeep's a nutter or not? There are loons running around everywhere, it really isn't so far-fetched even if you think so.

[nostalgiabomb]

Hey, there's a reason why they didn't give me a job in PR, that's all I'm sayin'.

[sizetwelve]

I suppose that much is true; I have seen even stranger job placements. Can't imagine why they would place anyone in a 'pawn shop' to begin with.

[ WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH...ANYTHING AT ALL, GOVERNMENT. ]

[nostalgiabomb]

Been wonderin' that, myself, honestly. I mean, does the government run the pawn shop? Did some administrator know a guy? Did some cleric owe the manager money?

I mean, it's not the worst place I could've ended up, and I've had some shitty jobs in the past, but what does it mean?

[sizetwelve]

[ Whoever did it was an idiot, about as much as this guy. But he could be worse. She's definitely seen worse. At least he's doing some thinking about some things. ]

Getting existential about a pawn shop now? Quite a jump from rock and roll.

[nostalgiabomb]

Nah. Plenty to get existential about in a pawn shop. [ and he says it with the cavalier attitude of someone who pretty much doesn't give a fuck what he's saying. ] All this crap used to mean something to someone, then times got tough or they stopped giving a shit about it, and it winds up here, so someone else can start the cycle over again.

[sizetwelve]

[ How oddly deep. Well, even loons can be deep...about...odd things. ]

Such a shame so many guitars turned to crap. But the classics never get old.

[nostalgiabomb]

[ He makes a noncommittal noise. ] You try sittin' here and listen to a guy flub his way through "Smoke on the Water" and not feel a little bitter about it.

[sizetwelve]

[ Big jump from little bitter to that, even joking, but she knows people's dumb. Besides, nurses have to put up with plenty of other bullshit all day long. Doctors. Patients. ]

Consider changing jobs?

[nostalgiabomb]

Eh. Maybe.

I mean, some of the stuff is cool. Like, did you see the horse? Kinda makes you wonder who the hell grabs a horse from a carousel and goes, "Yep, this is worth hocking." And then someone here went, "Yep, that's worth buying."

[sizetwelve]

Maybe they bought it to re-paint and set up in a nursery.

[ BEST IDEA that isn't totally creepy anyway. Goes with the cute venue. ]

[nostalgiabomb]

Hmm, I dunno. It's gonna need some overhauling -- the face especially. It kinda looks like it's running full pelt with "Eye of the Tiger" playing in the background.

[sizetwelve]

Tired of that one, too?

[nostalgiabomb]

Of "Eye of the Tiger"? Are you kidding?

No one should get tired of "Eye of the Tiger." I've been told it's what the last known survivor watches us all with.

[sizetwelve]

[ But he dissed Freebird! ]

Survivor of what?