maskormenace | Video;

[The first thing to come over the feed will be a too-close shot of a handmade sign before the wizard gets the right angle to show his face and the small park behind him in Nonah. He appears to be Unhappy.]

Right, okay, was I not legible enough, do you think? Should I have offered translations? I consider myself rather patient on the whole, but when some idiot - for the third time in two days - takes a clear warning and turns it into an invitation to create the sort of disaster which loses me my job, I get the feeling this blasted sign is doing more harm than good. So let's just make something clear, shall we?

This - [the video shifts for a moment to show a wooden trunk on legs, running full tilt behind him after a few terrified squirrels] - is not a pet! It is certainly not some sort of tame training dummy for empty-headed fighters to test their skills on. It is a monstrosity crafted of sapient pearwood, and when it feels its owner, who happens to be me, is being attacked, it eats people. No stern warnings, no shining letterheads or gentle taps on the shoulder, just death. Maybe missing fingers or a quick trampling, if they're lucky.

Am I making myself clear enough? Try to hurt me, this man right here, and my magical box will murder you, and I will watch.

[a pause.]

...Provided I have not already run away.

[Rincewind nods sharply, then takes off his sign and throws it in a trash can.]

There. I've officially done all I can do, I've said my piece, this is no longer my responsibility. [he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose.] Honestly, I don't understand how it was so difficult to understand in the first place. You see a sign telling you not to do something - who then thinks 'Oh, well surely they don't mean that for me?' I swear, no matter where I find myself, it seems I'm always the only sane man arou -

[there's the loud crack of splintering wood and the sound of several screaming members of the rodent family. Rincewind (and the video) looks behind him to see that the Luggage has knocked down a large oak tree in its pursuit of the squirrels. His face drains of color.]

Oh bugger - !

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

... You have a tree that eats people? Why?

[How? Though this is not the strangest thing Anakin has seen.]

[Rincewind looks at Anakin. He looks behind him at the Luggage. He looks back. He squints.]

...Better question, why are you calling it a tree?

Okay so it's not a tree. But why do you have something like whatever that is that eats people?

For protection, for laundry, because it was given to me. All the normal, common reasons you'd have ridiculous magical chest on legs for.

That's not common. Or normal. I've certainly never seen anything like it.

Do they not have sarcasm where you're from? Legitimate question, I wouldn't be surprised at this point.

No, we do. You're just not very good at it.

Years of practice and success would disagree.

That bit was not sarcastic, by the way, if you're trying to keep up.

[conversations that would go So Differently if he ever had an inkling he was talking with the future Dark Lord of the Galaxy]

You're not a very friendly person. You remind me of a few unsavory people I know back home.

In my defense, our first conversation involved you insinuating I would die alone and forgotten.

I've not had much reason to be charitable with you.

If you keep this attitude up, you probably will.

Or your trunk there will just eat you before you get that far.

You see? This is why we can't have a pleasant conversation.

Just don't feed anyone to your trunk and this conversation won't have to get anymore unpleasant.