1 ❀ video

[mattelrealist]

[ The feed opens on an attractive woman sitting on a standard-issue Heropan Housing couch, smiling with friendly demeanor at the camera. She has long, shimmery blond hair tied up in a high ponytail, bright blue eyes, and eyelashes thick enough to smother a fire. She's definitely the type to know how to prepare to be on camera, because that makeup is flawless; you can't even see her pores. (If... she even has them... ?)

She waves at the camera. ]

Good evening, everyone! I'm Barbie. I arrived here a few weeks ago, but things have been so crazy, I haven't had a chance to talk to you all! I'm super excited to meet you.

Now, I'll admit, becoming a "Registered Hero" isn't what I had planned for this month... or this year! But I've heard about what sort of trouble this place is in, and there's no way I can turn down a request for help so dire. There are so many dangers here... like spies! And kidnappers! And, worst of all... undersized sunglasses!

[ Conspiratorial, with her hand near her mouth for a secret: ] That's a fashion misdemeanor in Malibu. [ And with that out of the way, she straightens back up, her expression warm and welcoming. For someone that looks like she walked out of a makeup commercial (or maybe one for shampoo?), her friendliness and bubbly mood both seem very sincere. ]

While I'm here, I'm going to do everything I can to help. I may only be a toothpaste spokesmodel right now—

[ In what is clearly a practiced gesture, Barbie slips an object out of her purse without looking away from the camera, and for a short, smiling pose brandishes a tube of Gum Belle^® brand toothpaste—and did her teeth just sparkle on cue? That had to be a trick of the light, right?—before slipping it out of sight as if the whole promo never happened. ]

—But if you need a doctor, or a gymnastics coach, or an engineer, or a fashion designer, or a life guard, or an astronaut, or a dolphin trainer... well, you get the idea! Or even if you just need a friend to talk to, I'll be right here in Heropa.

I hope we can all be great friends.

Comments

[slightlyoffchilt]

You just. "Became" a surgeon?

[That's what he narrows his eyes at. That's what he bowls out the sharp, sarcastic enunciation with.]

Just on a whim.

[mattelrealist]

[ You haven't? ]

Well, it wasn't as fast as I change outfits, that's for sure!

[ Is she just impossible to insult?? It is certainly seeming that way; she treats his barbs the same as those from her friends. She gets a little more serious—"serious"—when she continues. ]

It was pretty tough, but I don't believe in giving up just because something's difficult. Helping people is my greatest calling, so it's natural that I'd want to be a doctor, too.

[slightlyoffchilt]

Doctors don't like people.

[Doctors like cars and money.]

You'd do better as a social worker.

[mattelrealist]

Sure they do! You must not have met many good doctors.

[ Shots fired. ]

[slightlyoffchilt]

I've only met excellent ones. I suppose yours have a limited... Plasticity.

[Shots returned!]

[mattelrealist]

Who in the world becomes a doctor for people without liking people?

[ The headtilt is almost comical, but the question is completely sincere. ]

That's like becoming a baker when you don't like cupcakes. Or a journalist who doesn't like writing. Or a dancer that doesn't like music!

[slightlyoffchilt]

One might say -- Love the affliction, not the afflicted.

[He radiates cynicism.]

[mattelrealist]

Hmm! To me, even the most fascinating afflictions haven't been half as interesting as the people with them. Their hopes, and goals, and plans for the future... there's so much possibility and personality, I could never be less interested in them than why I'm meeting them in the first place!

I see them as people, and friends, before I do as patients.

[slightlyoffchilt]

This is nauseating.

[mattelrealist]

Are you alright? [ This is 100% genuine concern. Nuns have less patience than this. ] Spending too long looking at such a small screen can cause feelings of lightheadedness and nausea. You may want to give your eyes a break, and go for a walk outside. [ Smiles. ] The weather's definitely perfect for it!

[slightlyoffchilt]

[There are two paths he can take, now: petty petulance or polite abstinence.

Guess which one comes most naturally to the grown man.]

Ah.

[He takes the communicator, pointedly with him, outside. The glare of the Floridian sun, hitting the screen he speaks into, appears to only brighten Barbie's teeth.

Or perhaps he imagined that?]

No, it isn't because of the screen.