[Video]

[lootsnshoots]

Listen up people of Earth, this is Cayde-6 speaking. First point of order: I have been informed that I'm your new Gun Safety Campaign Spokesman and I am very happy to keep your guns safe. Safe with me because my gun didn't make the trip and I'm feeling so very, very, very naked without it. If anyone can give me a loaner I'll owe ya big time.

Point number two: Just ... think of this as one of those ice-breaking exercises. You know the ones where everybody's awkward and doesn't wanna talk but you gotta answer some stupid question? One of those. Just. Just out of idle curiosity: what is your favorite thing about Earth? It can be anything, doesn't matter how small. In fact, it might be the small things that are the most important. Asking for a friend who isn't used to seeing it so ... intact.

[He counts out his fingers to four, thinks again, and subtracts one.]

Aaand number three: gimme the skinny on good places to eat around Maurita Falls? Extra points for good ramen joints. And I mean the real stuff, none of that instant business.

Comments

video;

[lootsnshoots]

Wow, that's rude. Who doesn't give a wayward soul a gun?

video;

[storyseeker]

Who does?

video;

[lootsnshoots]

I do! Sometimes when you're out in the wild, you come across folk who don't listen to reason and won't follow you to safety so it's like I always say: give 'em a gun, and wish 'em their best.

video;

[storyseeker]

Really? Do you usually walk around with enough guns you can afford to hand them over to wayward travelers?

video;

[lootsnshoots]

Not so much since I got roped into Tower duty, but if I'm on patrol chances are super good that I've picked up something serviceable but not great off a pack of dregs.

video;

[storyseeker]

How generous of you. Unfortunately [or something] you're not that likely to run into that kind of benevolence here. But you also might not need a gun as much here.

video;

[lootsnshoots]

But I want one. I'm a gunslinger. I sling guns. It's what I do.

[Extremely whining on main.]

video;

[storyseeker]

[She's having whiny manchild flashbacks. How dare he do this to her.]

Have you considered exchanging currency for goods in order to get your guns? It's a thing you can do.

video;

[lootsnshoots]

[Oh it'll get worse. I'm sorry.]

If I had any I'd consider it.

[Pause.]

Do we? Get any money? For being here? Because honestly I zoned out real fast on entry and picked up on none of the details.

video;

[storyseeker]

Oh, we get tons of money, just piles and piles of cash. But only if you fill out the paperwork on arrival. I guess you zoned out and missed that. Too bad.

video;

[lootsnshoots]

Oh you're enjoying this, aren't you?

video; wow look at my html skills

[storyseeker]

Enjoying what, being a helpful citizen? Oh, absolutely.

[lootsnshoots]

Ha-ha, I get it miss sarcasm, you're taunting me with the horrors of paperwork. Excuse me for, uh, being overwhelmed by the beauty of Earth?

[storyseeker]

Uh-huh. I'm sure that's what it was. [She sounds so convinced.] But sorry, you're pretty unlikely to just get handed free guns. You'll have to work for them.

[lootsnshoots]

Don't get to keep my gun here, don't get to drive a tank back home, I swear to Light the Universe has it out for me.

[storyseeker]

Yeah, you sound really put-upon. Why do you want guns so bad, anyway?

[lootsnshoots]

[Cayde is flabbergasted by this question. It is a fundamental contradiction of his worldview.]

B—because! It's what I do? I use guns to shoot bad guys and take their sweet loot, which is usually better guns, and then you use the better guns to kill BADDER bad guys and get better loot! To save the universe with!

[storyseeker]

[She laughs.]

Oh, lord. You make it sound like a video game or something. That kind of thing will probably get you arrested here. [Not that she necessarily considers that a big deal. It kinda depends.] I'm not sure it's a viable career path.

[lootsnshoots]

And I like video games. They give me something to do during meetings. And look, why would anybody go to the trouble of setting up an inter-dimensional portal to kidnap me if not for my incredible talents. Which are, might I emphasize, largely centered around being good at guns.

[storyseeker]

I dunno. Could be the same reason an inter-dimensional portal kidnapped the rest of us?

[lootsnshoots]

Special torture?

[storyseeker]

Oh, no. The special torture involves a special class of bad movies and worse food while we watch.

[lootsnshoots]

That sounds like a good night, actually. You have no idea how rare it is to pull movies from pre-Golden Age data, even bad ones.

[storyseeker]

Clearly, you've never seen Manos: The Hands of Fate.

[lootsnshoots]

You would be right. What's it about? Are there space adventures? Romance? Romantic space adventures?