13th Mission // Text // link for OOC reference

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Hey everyone, happy New Year. The Porter is starting its cycle again, so here's a welcome to all the new imPorts getting brought in. I'm Commander Jacob Taylor of Aegis Force, a team that works with the government to protect people in the Porter cities. You can ask us questions, report any information you have on trouble happening, or ask for help if you need it. Our group is always ready to respond when things go wrong.

I've been here a long time, and I've learned that being imPorts means our community has a lot of power. A lot of advantages that most other people don't have. Some people - and not just imPorts - think that power means you can step on others with no consequences. Treat people like they're playthings, or less. Aegis exists to show people like that how wrong they are. There are rules, and they still apply no matter how strong someone might be.

So here are a few examples I'd like to give of what NOT to do while you're here:

1. Don't try to nuke Heropa. Don't try to nuke anything, really.

2. Don't try to start a war with the government. They aren't perfect, but they aren't your enemy either, and fighting them isn't going to accomplish anything. While I'm at it, don't try to start a war with any other countries too.

3. Don't take civilians hostage. Don't try to take over the Moon. Definitely don't do both.

4. Don't be a serial killer. I shouldn't have to write this out. Don't kidnap, kill, torture, or mutilate people.

5. Don't brainwash, possess, hypnotize, or mind control people into going bad. I can't count how many times something like this has happened.

6. Don't start floods, earthquakes, fires, storms, blackouts, mass panic, riots, plagues, or any other kind of disaster.

7. Don't try to create an army of monsters, undead, cyborgs, robots, clones, metahumans, gods, or an army of anything else.

8. If you've got some kind of magical artifact or powerful technology that could be dangerous, don't forget to take damn good care of it. Know when to keep it secret and when to ask for help.

9. If you've got a power that you can't control and could be dangerous, don't hesitate to get help managing it. There are people here who will train you, and if all else fails the government has nullifiers.

10. The Porter is dangerous and powerful and nobody can really control it. It's under government protection for a reason. Messing with it will put other people at risk besides you. Act accordingly before you decide you're the one who's finally going to fix everything around here. The same goes for the nanites. I know they're creepy, but they're also keeping us all alive.

These are not polite suggestions. These are basic guidelines that everyone should be able to follow. If you break them, Aegis Force or somebody else who gives a damn will find out and make it their problem. On the other hand, if you want to help hold the line, we'll be happy to work with you. Recruitment's closed for the moment, but Aegis can always use more allies and contacts.

That's about it for now. If anybody's got suggestions for what you'd like to see added to the list, go ahead and let me know. This probably won't be the last time I'll have to go over these.

Comments

text

[knaval]

only 10?

text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I decided to narrow it down to the big ones, keep it short. Didn't want to overwhelm people.

video

[pharmaka]

I would not be a suitable member of such a team regardless, but if you ever wish to consult me on something, I would not mind. I have a particular specialty in physical transformation. That is, turning one thing into another, not as an illusion but in truth.

This includes mortals, and monsters, and gods.

[ Just to make it clear that she doesn't only mean object transformation. ]

video

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[Jacob tilts his head a little and looks doubtful, or maybe a little cautious, in the video.]

Thanks for the offer. That specialty of yours doesn't include mortals to gods, right? We've had some problems with that in the past.

[Fuck you, Woden.]

[VIDEO]

[forgeabettertomorrow]

Are these rules new? I don't remember these. I feel like at least half of them are targeted at me.

One or two of them I consider a direct challenge, actually.

[He's joking, Jacob. He swears.]

[adamantlyardent]

Please don't.

[adamantlyardent]

Hello. Thank you, this is a very sensible and ominous list of very sensible things I would have previously assumed to be obvious. How naive of me.

I've noticed "summoning fell gods or demons" isn't listed. Is this because it should OBVIOUSLY go without saying, or is that because there's been no instance of it in this realm? I'd hardly dump it in "any other kind of disaster," considering its scope.

Do these rules apply to the native-born populations here, as well? I would ALSO assume that, but silly me for EVER assuming anything makes sense.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

They apply, all right. Most natives don't have the powers we do of course, but you'd be amazed at how much damage people can do with enough money and tech to throw around.

I don't think we've had demon-summoning yet, but if we did I'd probably count it under the 'don't create an army of monsters' rule. Are demons and 'fell gods' big problems in your experience?

[plentystrong]

[ Thanks for giving her some ideas! Not that you need to know. ]

well at least I guess things won't be boring around here

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[Catra, please.]

It's not always as intense as what's on that list. Some months are more heavy than others, and some are quieter. But boredom should definitely be the least of your worries.

text

[melodramagic]

[ She feels personally attacked by some items listed!!! ]

I would have thought "be a good person" would just be common sense

text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

It's really not. And even for the people who this doesn't apply to, it helps for them to know how crazy it can get when things really go wrong.

[justlittle]

Is hate to think of what happened that you need to remind people of such "basic" guidelines like don't nuke a city or cause any natural disasters...

Is your organization affiliated with any government or military? Or are you private contractors?

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Every item listed up there has happened at least once. Sometimes more than once.

And we're definitely not private contractors. [NEVER TRUST A MERC.] Aegis is funded by the United States government through the Department of Defense. They hold us accountable.

text

[hatejakku]

Is that list from experience?

text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Sorry to say it is. Everything on there is something I've seen with my own eyes over the past four years.

Not all at once, of course. I'd say we average a big crisis every one or two months.

text

[solarcharged]

On your point about not fighting the government: what about a healthy disagreement?

[ definitions of 'healthy' may vary ]

text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I'm all for healthy disagreement. I wouldn't be taking the government's money if it wasn't allowed.

Got something on your mind, or is this more of a hypothetical?

text;

[therewillbeorder]

How fortunate for ImPorts and natives that you have decided these rules for us.

[Yeah sorry Jacob, he doesn't respect you in the least but he'll play nice.]

text;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

It's a tough job, but someone has to stand up and say 'zombie armies are bad.' Looks like it has to be me.

[Feeling's mutual, Hux.]

text;

[consulinchief]

[Yes, please no nukes. Definitely no nukes.]

While I agree with your list... Do the people who would be inclined to do such things really be deterred by a sternly worded network post?

text;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Don't worry Roland, I've got this. I'm positive this list is going to be what solves everything. They'll listen, and we'll never have any problems again.

[Sarcasm. Wry, resigned sarcasm.]

[choosetruth]

I should be surprised that this isn't just basic common sense. Unfortunately, I've met enough people that I'm really not.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Maybe that's a good thing. Means you'll be less surprised when you get attacked by killer butterflies. Or whatever is coming up next.

How have you been doing since the last time we talked, Georgia?

[faithfulson]

Has all of that really happened?

[ He knew he witnessed a few things from that list, a few of those quite recently, but he didn't realize just how much really happened in this place. ]

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

All of it. Some of it more often than others.

[The Moon thing has thankfully only happened once so far. The mind control, not so much.]

[text]

[cigarbribery]

1a. Don’t otherwise cause mass destruction in Heropa or any of the other Porter cities or literally anywhere else. You have to live here too, don’t burn down the place.

Also, I’m willing to offer my services as a contact, at the very least. I’m not great at physical combat, but I’m a very good lawyer.

[text]

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

1a is a good one. I'll add it the next time I have to do one of these.

A lawyer is definitely a good contact to have. Foggy, right? I think we met at the MFPD station once.

text

[queenofseers]

Jacob, you know this is just tempting fate, right? Now all of these are going to happen in the next six months.

[ She's half serious. ]

text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Nah, there's almost five years worth of examples up there. No way anyone can fit them all into six months.

Besides, Fate already wants to eat the planet, apparently. Or at least one of them does. Not sure how much more tempted she could be.

encrypted voice; id: batman

[cassassin]

Always willing to help. Just ask.

encrypted voice

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I will, Batman. It's good to know you've got our backs. And the same goes the other way, naturally. If you ever need something, Aegis will back you up.

text;

[mildmanneredwriter]

That's remarkably specific. That's a lot of remarkably specific things, actually.

text;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I was writing from experience. No hypotheticals or what-ifs here.

[hellosirs]

[ OUCH, #8 IS GETTING KINDA PERSONAL ]

This is... very thorough, sir!

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

[That's not your imagination, Angus!!]

Thanks, but I left a lot of stuff out. Didn't want it to turn into a wall of text. This way is better- ten simple points that everyone should be able to remember.

text;

[ghoulking]

While I do agree with all of this, aren't you just giving some people ideas with this?

text;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I figure the kind of people who would do things like this don't need my help thinking up trouble. But if we see anyone copying from this list, you can tell me 'I told you so' once we're done cleaning up the mess.

text;

[dreamprotector]

I'm not even going to ask why this list is so incredibly specific.

[Because, clearly most of this things must have happened at some point.]

Are these kind of troubles common to this world?

text;

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Common to the Porter cities, at least. You don't hear about Rio de Janeiro getting attacked by monsters, for instance. But things tend to be a little more unstable where we are.

text »

[onlydoubts]

It's a good thought, but... If someone already has their mind set on doing something, do you think that a couple guidelines will sway them from going through with it?

Text

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Probably not. But at least a post like this sends a message to them. Says that we've seen a lot of crap before and we're still standing. And that there are people here who are ready to stop them if they start anything.

text » id reads "lester papadopoulos"

[lesterzeppelin]

Everyone's already covered the prerequisite "someone's going to copy this," so I'm not going to add to that echo chamber.

But also 5a: try not to create evil doppelgangers.

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Dont't you think that would be covered under the clone army? Unless doppelgängers and clones aren't really the same thing.

[text]

[topmeup]

Oh Captain, My Captain.

[text]

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

Did I inspire you, Max?

[permavoice | id: kasia nyx]

[iliveidie]

You sound about as fun as a certain Vanguard I know. [A soft laugh.]

I'm surprised the list isn't longer.

Voice

[darkpants_warmfeeling]

I'm more fun at parties than I am on the Network, I promise.

The list could be a lot longer. I decided to focus on some of the greatest hits. Keep it simpler for people. Easier to remember.