maskormenace | 001

[Good morning, Heropa. Greeting you today is a man with a bright smile and an even brighter shirt — aqua, with a tie that seems to match only in theory — and a look in his eye that twinkles with confidence and certainty. Yes, here is a man who is not at all questioning this place and its motives; here is a man who is totally okay with the situation in which he's found himself; here is a man who is a very good, very convincing faker.]

Greetings and salutations, fellow ImPorts! Allow me to introduce myself: Saul Goodman, attorney at law and soon-to-be judge. I want you all to be able to think of me as a resource — as someone whose purpose here is to assist where and when I can, at least as far as legal issues are concerned. For consultation purposes only, though; I won't... uh, really have the time to open my own practice here, unfortunately.

[And that does seem like something that upsets him, but he allows that emotion in for all of two seconds before dismissing it and focusing back on sounding genuine and honest. Which he is, to some degree. It's just... kind of rare, is all. But this is what happens when you don't want to upset your kidnappers: You do what you think you have to.]

Anyway, I'm gonna have to spend some time catching up on what's actually going on in this place, legally and politically speaking. There are other lawyers and legal professional-types around, right? We should chat. Oh, and for all you daytime TV-watchers —

[THERE THEY ARE. THE FINGERGUNS.]

Get used to seeing this face.

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It's my hobby.

[One of them.]

Might not get the same career, but something that still fits in one way or another. They have some idea of what they're doing.

[But sometimes they're laughing behind the scenes, he has the feeling.]

No.

[Toddlers are very good at saying "no."]

Edited 2014-09-09 21:07 (UTC)

I like to think of myself as a realist. Anyway, yeah, that was my guess. The superpowers thing...

[He trails off, sighing quietly.]

I have no idea how those would be handled in court.

Yeah, okay. Sure.

[WHAT COULD GO WRONG.

Saul thinks psychiatry is a load of baloney, anyway. Just look at Freud — what the hell was his deal?]

Hoo, that's a mouthful. Hiya, Major-General. I see you're in the business of intimidation, is that right?

Sure was. Business was booming.

Ah, a fellow divorceé! Greetings, brother.

[Because all divorced men are clearly, like, members of a club.]

I'm just wondering how often kids and teenagers show up here, since there seems to be a lot of you.

[Recent events have made him more, uh, sensitive to matters dealing with the young.]

And do what with them?

[that reference

saul's head]

What was a Mountie doing in Chicago?

[She narrows her eyes because she can't argue the point.]

Still.

[Val will not go down without a pointless fight because, as this thread has made clear, she is three.]

Well...

[He's not so sure about that. It's clear whoever's in charge of this has a sense of humor, but Saul finds it hard to believe there weren't any criminal defense attorney positions open.

Best not to bite the hand that feeds you, though, mm?]

Close enough.

Small claims, low pressure. Sure, if that's how you wanna look at it.

[It's possible he's had worse.]

Criminal defense.

I can't imagine it'll be too much of an issue. At the very least, I can assure you the insanity plea will still hold.

[No matter how humans evolved, they were still crazy and often unable to help themselves. Especially here.]

It might be advisable to see if there's any information available online or in the library about how powers will effect cases? It might mean your legal knowledge only required a tweaking.

Ah.

[That's as good an explanation as any.]

Is that what you did back home?

I had an uncle whose hobby was fishing. Do you have one of those big dead ones up on your wall?

I meant... people like him

Then I give up.

[That seems like a strange thing to point out, but — he has a point. At least there are still crazy people!

...wait.]

Yeah, that's an idea. I mean, as long as the basic principles and whatnot still exist. I'm a fast learner.

[Yesssss pointless stupid victory is hers.]

It's just hereditary. My grandfather and my father are both supergeniuses, too.

[Also she's the reincarnation of the child her mother miscarried in...the late 70s or early 80s I don't fucking remember that her older brother subconsciously saved with his godlike powers by putting her soul in an alternate timeline where she grew to be a teenager thinking Dr. Doom was her father and then got reverted to being a fetus inside Sue again when that alternate universe collapsed and then she was born normally sort of but Doom had to help because of the cosmic radiation from her mother's powers.

/pause for breath

I think she actually knows this, but it's never discussed.]

No. I eat my catches, usually. I've given them out before, but they don't go on my wall.

[Only a small group of people know about his cannibalism problems (and some more than him, oh boy), he can say this and get away with. Sort of.]

Do you want one behind you on the bench?

[Because everyone in the elite circles looks more impressive and also like a gigantic douchelord with an enormous marlin behind them. "Yes, I caught this, I'm so well-rounded and awesome, worship me." Granted, he totally broke into psychiatric offices to leave them without asking, so Saul's getting something like tact on Will's part.]

Not gonna elaborate any further than that, huh?

[Saul's pretty sure that means there's alien DNA somewhere along the line.

also WHAT THE FUCK]

Lucky you. All I got from my parents was male-pattern baldness.

[Hey, if there was one thing Hannibal knew, it was crazy. Both personally and professionally.]

Then you shouldn't find yourself in much of a struggle to catch up then. It's really just a matter of knowing where it differs. And the rules of vigilantism would be very important as well, it seems to be a hot button topic here.

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