VIDEO

[killtime]

[ The camera angle is. Bad. This is a person who does not know how to use their communicator well. They probably can't even take a proper selfie. All that's showing is a pair of combat boots moving around in the grass — someone's backyard? — and in the distance, much farther out, a tree that (oddly enough) has a single board nailed to it for a reason only the gods know. It's not even nailed on straight.

The boots stop wandering. It's quiet for a moment.

Then there's a thwip, almost like the sound of a rubber band, and a thunk moments later, as an arrow hits the crooked board, dead center.

Unceremoniously then, a woman's voice: ]

Any of you know shit about teenagers?

[ Another thunk. A second arrow, its head practically kissing the first where it strikes. ]

What do normal fifteen-year-olds do these days?

[ Thunk. A third arrow. Three for three.

A mutter then, half to herself: ]

Fuck. Probably better get around to the whole "birds and bees" thing.

Comments

voice_

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

You rang? I'm barely legal and looking to mingle.

[she giggles at her own joke. then, casually:]

Depends on the kid. I was pretty into my hobbies back then when I wasn't at school. But uh, I promise they already know about that stuff just from their classmates.

[killtime]

[ Dryly: ]

Yeah, let's keep the mingling to a bare minimum.

Also, negative on the classmates.

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

[there's a little disbelief in her voice]

No classmates? Huh... Then what do they even do?

[killtime]

[ Blandly: ]

Soccer club.

[ Pause. ]

And knitting.

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

What the... Lemme guess, a savant at something so they never had to bother with school?

Either way, if you're the person who does that sorta parenting thing, its way past time to talk. And maybe do something soccer related together if that's what you're looking for?

[killtime]

[ At length: ]

He had a nontraditional upbringing.

[ understatement of the fucking year ]

And I'm probably not the best person to have that talk with him.

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

[To herself:] Hah! Knew it was a dude!

[To her:] Then don't subject yourself to it. Blech. What's the actual problem here? You're kinda beating about the bush.

[killtime]

Limited options. It's either me, or my partner. We're raising him.

Might end up having to outsource this whole problem to someone who actually remembers puberty.

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

You don't sound like you're that old... But just use one of those books, you know, "Our Whole Lives: Let's Talk About Sex" or whatever. Then they can use that as their go to.

[killtime]

Kid, I'm ancient. And back in my day, we didn't have sex ed picture books.

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

[she takes the ancient line in stride, not realising how literal it is. And who knows, anything seems possible here.]

Dinosaur or not, use whatever resources you got, right? Saves you and him from the “talk.” No awkward conversations, no cringe-y mom comments, only labelled diagrams of human genitalia. Problem solved!

[killtime]

...

[ A heavy. Slow. Sigh. ]

Guess I'm going to the bookstore.