VIDEO

[killtime]

[ The camera angle is. Bad. This is a person who does not know how to use their communicator well. They probably can't even take a proper selfie. All that's showing is a pair of combat boots moving around in the grass — someone's backyard? — and in the distance, much farther out, a tree that (oddly enough) has a single board nailed to it for a reason only the gods know. It's not even nailed on straight.

The boots stop wandering. It's quiet for a moment.

Then there's a thwip, almost like the sound of a rubber band, and a thunk moments later, as an arrow hits the crooked board, dead center.

Unceremoniously then, a woman's voice: ]

Any of you know shit about teenagers?

[ Another thunk. A second arrow, its head practically kissing the first where it strikes. ]

What do normal fifteen-year-olds do these days?

[ Thunk. A third arrow. Three for three.

A mutter then, half to herself: ]

Fuck. Probably better get around to the whole "birds and bees" thing.

Comments

voice

[besainted]

By fifteen, I would really hope the birds and the bees have been pretty thoroughly understood.

[killtime]

Let's pretend this hypothetical fifteen year old was largely raised in a sheltered semi-cult.

[besainted]

[ hey what the fuck ]

That ... could change things. [ man, this place is so weird. ] How long has this hypothetical fifteen year old been here?

voice_

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

You rang? I'm barely legal and looking to mingle.

[she giggles at her own joke. then, casually:]

Depends on the kid. I was pretty into my hobbies back then when I wasn't at school. But uh, I promise they already know about that stuff just from their classmates.

[killtime]

[ Dryly: ]

Yeah, let's keep the mingling to a bare minimum.

Also, negative on the classmates.

[itsttlygonnahappenagain]

[there's a little disbelief in her voice]

No classmates? Huh... Then what do they even do?

text.

[flightforfreedom]

[ It takes him a long time to decide whether or not he should actually reply to this. If she's just going to yell at him for replying at all. But in the end... ]

you do not want him doing what i was doing when i was fifteen

but he's a good kid, andy

ask him?

permavid! b/c archery takes two hands!

[killtime]

I know he's a good kid.

That doesn't mean he knows shit all about being a teenager.

permavid. you could always talk while not shooting things, andy

[flightforfreedom]

[ He reluctantly switches to video. ]

Does anyone? It's just like any other time of our lives, we deal with what's there.

I'm guessing you don't mean physically--

Voice;

[golisolation]

If it's any comfort, most fifteen-year-olds already know about fuckin'.

[Yeah, that's helpful.]

[killtime]

Not this one.

[ A beat. ]

Although I guess he did sneak out without me noticing, so. What the fuck do I know.

[golisolation]

You tryin' to shelter him? Y'know that just breeds rebellion. Probably why he snuck out on ya.

Maybe he's got a girl worth sneakin' out for.

[beat]

Or dude.

voice

[onthe_threshold]

I know that they're annoying and more trouble than they're worth.

You should probably just send it to the pound or something.

[killtime]

He's my son.

[onthe_threshold]

Oh.

I think my suggestion is still valid. Otherwise I think they mostly do drugs and play video games.

video

[measuringdicks]

Can you show me how to do that? [A baseball bat’s one thing but now that Eddie is here, Richie wants to be able to better defend himself and his friends. Just in case. Plus, bows and arrows are cool.]

They go see movies, duh. And they play video games. [He scratches over the back of his head, makes a face.] I knew a couple of teenagers who were some real pieces of shit, so I don’t think they count as normal.

But they knew what [finger-quoting] “the birds and the bees” were already, and I’m pretty sure a few of them had first-hand experience. So what the fuck’s up with your kid?

[killtime]

[ Dryly: ]

You look scrawny. The draw weight of this bow is probably more than your whole body, soaking wet.

[ She crouches down, picking up her communicator to get a better look at him. then, in response to that last question: ]

He's sheltered. And he hasn't been my kid that long.

[measuringdicks]

Would you teach me if I could turn into somebody bigger than I am right now?

[Like, six-foot forty-year-old bigger, with all the aches and pains that carries with it. But at the mention of the kid being sheltered, Richie seems to think for a moment, because doesn't that sound familiar. Eddie'd been a sheltered kid too, although it hadn't been so bad that he didn't know what the birds and the bees were.]

You've gotta rip off the band-aid sooner or later. He's probably gonna meet a girl soon! She's gonna be turned off if he knows fuck-all about fucking her!

[Richie, you don't know fuck-all about fucking beyond an abysmal sex ed talk in 1989. You don't get to say shit.]

[ct_7567]

Crowdsourcing information, are you?

[ ... ]

Always gathered he'd know about that by now.

[killtime]

Did you tell him? Because I sure as fuck didn't.

[ And she's not exactly putting a lot of faith in the Darkov cult sex ed. ]

[ct_7567]

No. But he's talked to me about -- his clan. Generations. Breeding.

[ In the Darkov clan, it's very important on who beds who, it seems. ]

There must be... some understanding of it.

[ He's sounding a little more doubtful now. ]

[ID: Selina Kyle] VOICE ▸

[catlady]

I know that they're a pain in the ass, mostly. I know I was one once, but I mean, my experiences are by no means universal.

[killtime]

You've got me beat. I don't remember being fifteen anymore. Haven't for a long time.

voice

[h2no]

[well this is unexpected and CONCERNING. archie covers it with a veneer of bullshit like he always does.]

Good lord. What happened?

[killtime]

Don't look so worried. Nobody died.

[ Not this time. ]

Just been thinking.

[ DUSTING OFF YE OLDE SINGLE BRAIN CELL ]