VIDEO

[killtime]

[ The camera angle is. Bad. This is a person who does not know how to use their communicator well. They probably can't even take a proper selfie. All that's showing is a pair of combat boots moving around in the grass — someone's backyard? — and in the distance, much farther out, a tree that (oddly enough) has a single board nailed to it for a reason only the gods know. It's not even nailed on straight.

The boots stop wandering. It's quiet for a moment.

Then there's a thwip, almost like the sound of a rubber band, and a thunk moments later, as an arrow hits the crooked board, dead center.

Unceremoniously then, a woman's voice: ]

Any of you know shit about teenagers?

[ Another thunk. A second arrow, its head practically kissing the first where it strikes. ]

What do normal fifteen-year-olds do these days?

[ Thunk. A third arrow. Three for three.

A mutter then, half to herself: ]

Fuck. Probably better get around to the whole "birds and bees" thing.

Comments

[golisolation]

Who the fuck doesn't, right?

[That's not him admitting that he bottoms sometimes, ok!!! That's just...look, he means his well-placed stick.]

[killtime]

[ Too bad she definitely takes it the other way. Maybe on purpose, because that interpretation is 100% funnier. ]

Wish I could see the princess's face when you try bringing up that one.

[golisolation]

[Gdi, Andy! But denying it would just confirm it more than not, so...]

Ha! Yeah, dunno if she'd be into that. She's...y'know.

[Inexperienced? Vanilla? PURE?? Not that he minds, he's charmed by it, but it just means he's gotta ease into a lot of this. Or potentially never bring it up. Ever.]

[killtime]

[ Listen, if he doesn't have the balls to bring up pegging with his girlfriend, that's not her problem.

Nonchalantly: ]

Your ass, your loss.

[golisolation]

Tch, it's fine. Ain't like I'm ever achin' for a poundin'. After all, I'm the one who does that, anyway.

[Baby steps, baby steps...]

[killtime]

[ Uh-huh. Sure. ]

Whatever you say. [ Dryly: ] You ever change your mind, send your girlfriend over. I'll give her some tips.

[golisolation]

[He doesn't even have to say where his mind went, because his expression says it for him.]

Only if I can watch.

[killtime]

Don't get ahead of yourself. You really want me setting the bar?

[golisolation]

Tch, for who? Me or her? You thinkin' you can fuck better than me?

[Guzma you fool, she has way more fucking experience than you can even properly comprehend.]

[killtime]

You know the answer to that.

[golisolation]

And the answer is that you can't fuck her better than me. I don't care how old ya are, I know my shit.

[killtime]

Oh, I'm sorry — I had no idea you knew your shit.

You're right.

That's definitely a better gauge of skill than being a horny heathen for seven thousand years.

[golisolation]

Hey, you coulda spent those seven thousand years doin' shit all wrong, and now you eternally suck at sex. I dunno! Neither of us will know who's better, 'cos it ain't like we can show each other our work, HUH?

[killtime]

Babe, they used to have orgies in my name. To worship. I don't need to prove shit.

[golisolation]

Maybe they had those orgies 'cos they were tryin' to show people how to do shit proper, and your sexual failings inspired it! You just mistook it as worship.

[killtime]

They had those orgies because they thought I was a god. But go ahead, sweetheart. Tell me all about how you're so good at swinging your dick around.

[golisolation]

And you can keep tellin' me all about your sex fantasies. It's actually pretty interestin' learnin' your fetishes this way. Yeah.

Tell me, does Rex worship your pussy like it's heaven's personal cock crevice, or what?

[killtime]

Does Lucina let that nasty mouth anywhere near hers?

[golisolation]

Yeah, and that's not all she lets this mouth of mine go near.

[killtime]

Well, at least you're doing something productive with it. Maybe you can use that to make it up to her if she ever stumbles on this conversation.

[golisolation]

...Oh, fuck.

[HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!]

[killtime]

But don't let me interrupt you. [ Dryly: ] Weren't you saying something about where else she lets you put your mouth?

[golisolation]

Fuck off, you know where the fuck I was goin' with that!

[killtime]

Yeah? Do I?

[golisolation]

You can't go claiming people had orgies in your name, and then act dense about this shit. You can't have it both ways!