VIDEO

[killtime]

[ The camera angle is. Bad. This is a person who does not know how to use their communicator well. They probably can't even take a proper selfie. All that's showing is a pair of combat boots moving around in the grass — someone's backyard? — and in the distance, much farther out, a tree that (oddly enough) has a single board nailed to it for a reason only the gods know. It's not even nailed on straight.

The boots stop wandering. It's quiet for a moment.

Then there's a thwip, almost like the sound of a rubber band, and a thunk moments later, as an arrow hits the crooked board, dead center.

Unceremoniously then, a woman's voice: ]

Any of you know shit about teenagers?

[ Another thunk. A second arrow, its head practically kissing the first where it strikes. ]

What do normal fifteen-year-olds do these days?

[ Thunk. A third arrow. Three for three.

A mutter then, half to herself: ]

Fuck. Probably better get around to the whole "birds and bees" thing.

Comments

[golisolation]

...Oh, fuck.

[HE DIDN'T THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!]

[killtime]

But don't let me interrupt you. [ Dryly: ] Weren't you saying something about where else she lets you put your mouth?

[golisolation]

Fuck off, you know where the fuck I was goin' with that!

[killtime]

Yeah? Do I?

[golisolation]

You can't go claiming people had orgies in your name, and then act dense about this shit. You can't have it both ways!

1/2

[killtime]

I was making that up, remember?

[killtime]

Fantasies.

[golisolation]

[GDI ANDY]

So, you're admittin' you're full'a shit, then!

[killtime]

Maybe.

[ He'll never know now. ]

I'm full of shit, my husband's full of sticks, and you wish you wish your girlfriend would stuff you full of something, but we can't always always get what we want.

[golisolation]

I said I'm the one who does the poundin', yo!

[But he also said he likes that sorta thing. WHATEVER!!

A beat, then casually:]

So, anyway, like I said, if you need someone to show your kid the ropes, I ain't against it, seeing as you'll fill his head with shit about orgies and whatever.

[killtime]

[ Uh-huh. ]

Says the coward who can't even bring up pegging with his girlfriend.

[golisolation]

I ain't no coward!

[Them fighting words, Andy!!]

I just know she probably wouldn't go for it. No point!

[killtime]

Like I said, babe. Your ass. Your loss.

[golisolation]

It's been years since I've taken anything up it, anyway. I think I'll survive, yo.

[killtime]

Yeah? [ Deadpan: ] Maybe you'll be history's first case of fatal assfuck withdrawal.