VIDEO

[killtime]

[ The camera angle is. Bad. This is a person who does not know how to use their communicator well. They probably can't even take a proper selfie. All that's showing is a pair of combat boots moving around in the grass — someone's backyard? — and in the distance, much farther out, a tree that (oddly enough) has a single board nailed to it for a reason only the gods know. It's not even nailed on straight.

The boots stop wandering. It's quiet for a moment.

Then there's a thwip, almost like the sound of a rubber band, and a thunk moments later, as an arrow hits the crooked board, dead center.

Unceremoniously then, a woman's voice: ]

Any of you know shit about teenagers?

[ Another thunk. A second arrow, its head practically kissing the first where it strikes. ]

What do normal fifteen-year-olds do these days?

[ Thunk. A third arrow. Three for three.

A mutter then, half to herself: ]

Fuck. Probably better get around to the whole "birds and bees" thing.

Comments

[golisolation]

What? Don't trust me?

[Who the fuck WOULD?]

I wouldn't let him get hurt or nothin'!

[killtime]

I trust you to be yourself. [ Wryly: ] Which means I wouldn't let your mouth loose around Martin until he's at least a few years older.

[ Says the woman who regularly says "fuck" around her son. ]

[golisolation]

I thought you weren't shelterin' him. Don't tell me you got parental controls on the tv and computer.

[wait]

...Nevermind, you probably don't even know how to set that up.

[killtime]

[ SQUINT ]

I'm not sheltering him. He needs to learn. Just don't want to make a bigger mess with it than I have to. It's a big ass can of worms to open.

[golisolation]

Well, I'm just sayin', y'better get on it quick or someone else might beat ya to the punch. Then you ain't got any control on how that shit happens.

[killtime]

Working on it. Options are limited, alright? There's me, who's been fucking for six thousand years — and then there's Rex, who just hasn't fucked.

[golisolation]

[There's a long pause.]


...I guess opposites really do attract, huh?

[killtime]

You would know.

[golisolation]

The hell's that supposed to mean? Lu and I ain't that different, yanno! Chick digs destruction more than she lets on.

[killtime]

Rex and I aren't that different either. [ Blandly: ] I've just seen more pussy than he has.

[golisolation]

I dunno about y'all being alike. You've probably had a lot of shit up your ass, but he's the one with the stick stuck up it.

[killtime]

He's a good father. Makes it easy to forgive the stick.

[golisolation]

Knowin' you, ya probably like it there, anyway.

[He could touch on the "good father" thing, but talking about dad's ain't a fun topic for him...]

[killtime]

[ At that, the corner of her mouth twists faintly in wry amusement. ]

I'm a woman of varied taste. I don't mind a well-placed stick.

[golisolation]

Who the fuck doesn't, right?

[That's not him admitting that he bottoms sometimes, ok!!! That's just...look, he means his well-placed stick.]

[killtime]

[ Too bad she definitely takes it the other way. Maybe on purpose, because that interpretation is 100% funnier. ]

Wish I could see the princess's face when you try bringing up that one.

[golisolation]

[Gdi, Andy! But denying it would just confirm it more than not, so...]

Ha! Yeah, dunno if she'd be into that. She's...y'know.

[Inexperienced? Vanilla? PURE?? Not that he minds, he's charmed by it, but it just means he's gotta ease into a lot of this. Or potentially never bring it up. Ever.]

[killtime]

[ Listen, if he doesn't have the balls to bring up pegging with his girlfriend, that's not her problem.

Nonchalantly: ]

Your ass, your loss.

[golisolation]

Tch, it's fine. Ain't like I'm ever achin' for a poundin'. After all, I'm the one who does that, anyway.

[Baby steps, baby steps...]

[killtime]

[ Uh-huh. Sure. ]

Whatever you say. [ Dryly: ] You ever change your mind, send your girlfriend over. I'll give her some tips.

[golisolation]

[He doesn't even have to say where his mind went, because his expression says it for him.]

Only if I can watch.

[killtime]

Don't get ahead of yourself. You really want me setting the bar?

[golisolation]

Tch, for who? Me or her? You thinkin' you can fuck better than me?

[Guzma you fool, she has way more fucking experience than you can even properly comprehend.]

[killtime]

You know the answer to that.

[golisolation]

And the answer is that you can't fuck her better than me. I don't care how old ya are, I know my shit.