case 001; video.

[sleuthtastic]

I know what you're thinking.

[ Maybe seeing a tiny blonde face on a video feed isn't the most threatening thing to see. She's not holding a weapon, and there's no glow of energy beams or anything, so it seems to be pretty far from supervillainy. But that frown? The set of her jaw? You don't see that too often on someone who's not determined to say a thing or two. ]

Who am I? Where did we come from? Who's the guy in the American flag and crazy waist to shoulder ratio? Why is there another announcement from yet another crazy new person who's complaining about liberty and personal freedom?

[ The brief moment of hey, let's talk about That Guy is replaced by a definitely not brief moment of angry blonde fury. ]

I don't know about you, but having questions like that kind of pisses me off. I did not take enough International Law or FutureTech 107: Teleporters and You.

[ A beat, then Veronica leans in, more or less until her face is the only thing that takes up the feed. ]

So if you know anything, or you know a Keith Mars, you better give it up pronto. I can think of some tasteful yet excruciating threats, if you'd like a little gas.

Comments

[walkingballpit]

Interdimensional Law. International Law won't help.

[sleuthtastic]

What's that?

[ Cupping a hand over her ear. ]

I'm sorry, is that the sound of nay-sayer?

[ex_question191]

Yeah, I'm interested in the threats. Threat me up.

[ he doesn't really know anything but that seems kind of irrelevant. ]

[sleuthtastic]

Oh, young grasshopper. Oh how the world is your oyster.

Where should I start? Paper? Plastic?

[ Like there is a whole buffet available. Of... tailored threats. ]

[ourown]

You mean the American-shaped Dorito? He's Captain America.

[ CAPTAIN OBVIOUS TO THE RESCUE... ]

NOT HERE.

[raincheck]

[sleuthtastic]

[ Big fake gasp that's kind of mean but, you know, Veronica Mars handles pressure in a few categorical ways. ]

And here I thought Captain Canada had come down with pneumonia.

[raincheck]

I gave my name. [ said not without humour-- and with a grin that's just this side of awkward. did you really look at his waist to shoulder ratio?

assuming you mean him, but he hasn't seen anyone else fitting the description yet. ]

[sleuthtastic]

[ Um, who didn't look at his waist to shoulder ratio? ]

Yes, but this is so much more iconic, He Who Owns Eau De Patriotism.

video;

[workout]

I think we all know pretty much the same thing.

[ About Heropa, anyway. He's got nothing, but he is amused by the determination. ]

Who's Keith Mars?

video;

[sleuthtastic]

[ If he has to ask, he probably doesn't know anything. (Come on, Mars. Game face. Like the odds were in your favor?) ]

I believe the colloquial term is 'Bee-Eff-Eff'.

[ Complete with airquotes. ]

[inmyothertights]

Captain America, that's Captain America, and-

What kind of threats are we talking about here?

[sleuthtastic]

Embarrassing lycra pants? Fluropink roller skates? Poorly photoshopped pictures of your head pasted onto the world's most embarrassing hotdog costume?

Apparently, I've landed in Twin Peaks, so really I'm spoiled for choice.

[lyingheart]

Anything's a broad category. If you're going to be bothering yourself to roundaboutly ask the same things anyone else does, why not ask for specifics? Or are you attempting to address the military through this device.

[sleuthtastic]

[ Text. Okay, two can play. Or, you know, kind of be not so nice about it. ]

Well, I thought they'd get really tired of knock knock jokes.

[standsproud]

You know what we know. Threats are useless.

[sleuthtastic]

[ Veronica presses a finger to her mouth. Pauses. Then: ]

What if I broke into your house and rearranged all your furniture? That sounds kind of useful!

video

[unhand]

The garb of these superheroes is, indeed, rather garrish.

[Says the guy dressed as a pirate, long black coat and hook for a hand and everything.]

Who is this Keith Mars?

video

[sleuthtastic]

[ Whoa whoa whoa. You think she's going to answer that? ]

And Captain Crunch says what?

[askedtobe]

[ Just. Fuck his life. This is so weird. ]

I'm guessing your name isn't Elle. [ Yeaaaah... ]

[sleuthtastic]

It means fast. In German.

[ No it doesn't, Veronica. A beat, then: ]

No, scratch that. I'm thinking of schnell. Belle?

[ But seriously, folks. He looks kind of weirded out. Take pity on someone who might maybe be, like, this world's fanciest superhero. ]

You're just in luck. It's Veronica.

[ video ]

[hostage]

Tasteful and excruciating?

[ video ]

[sleuthtastic]

Two for one. That's the Veronica guarantee.

[ And then she fashions her hands into guns. And clicks her tongue against her teeth. Like the Fonz, but cooler. ]

Video;

[lifepreserver]

I think I'm just another person who's interested in hearing tasteful yet excruciating threats. Sorry, I don't have much else to bring to the table.

Video;

[sleuthtastic]

I knew it. My eternal curse. Men looking for threats in all the blonde places.

video;

[handwringing]

[blink blink]

I'm sorry, was there an actual question in there besides "anything," or...?

[How can threats be excruciating and tasteful...]

video;

[sleuthtastic]

I thought 'do any of you guys buy this' and 'I don't think I consented to casual prison ink' wasn't a good way to introduce myself to the masses.

[ But this was, Veronica? ]

text;

[gabriel_gray]

"Who are you" was a suitable place to stop, I think. This strikes me as overkill.

[sleuthtastic]

Oh, you. With your totally unwarranted advice!

voice.

[altercate]

Tasteful and excruciating is a tall order.

[sleuthtastic]

You know, people keep saying that. But I have had a lot of practice.

video.

[selfequipped]

You're going to find that what you used to know doesn't necessarily stand here anymore. But he does have quite the amazing waist to shoulder ratio, doesn't he?

[There's only a brief pause before she presses on.]

I'm in the middle of filling in Mr. Captain America. If you'd like the same 411, I'm willing to give it. [And a little more. Veronica, before, had offered to help Kate improve her detective skills.

But she's not going to jump to "hi, I know you, actually." Not yet, anyway.]

video.

[sleuthtastic]

[ Hey, Kate, thanks for offering information when everybody else isn't, though the latter is actually completely understandable considering the way Veronica went about—

You know what, Veronica's never claimed to be a people person anyway. ]

Only if you will give me an exact play by play on the shape of his badonkadonk. A girl lands in a new place, she's got to have standards.

[acclimatized]

Did you watch the old re-runs of Star Trek? It would've been cheaper than International Law or FutureTech.

But I haven't heard of any Keith Mars. Sorry.

[sleuthtastic]

[ She fashions her hand into a Vulcan greeting. ]

Live Long, Prosper, yadda yadda yadda, don't freak out when you wake up in another dimension?