audio;

[paintjobs]

I am having a serious crisis, and I need help. Hopefully a network full of heroes can provide some kind of relief to a desperate spark in need.

[ oh, sure, he's heard of things like... explosions, death, political debates, and benefits being cut (that's super annoying, actually), but really, there's just one Most Important matter at hand: ]

I think they've stopped making my favorite kind of hair gel. I can't find it anywhere, and trust me, I've checked every store. Shouldn't there be -- I don't know, warehouses full of it somewhere out there? Isn't that how these things work? It doesn't matter -- I need more of it, pronto! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep looking as good as I do without hair gel?!

There'll be some kind of reward in it for you if you can help me out, I'll figure that out later -- just give me a hand here, someone!

Comments

[glassbox]

Hon, I ain't a professor or nothin', but I think y'got a misunderstandin' the meanin' of the word "crisis."

[paintjobs]

I think you have a misunderstanding of how fundamentally important this is!

[glassbox]

I think you're bein' fussy, that's what.

[paintjobs]

And I think you're being very inconsiderate.

[glassbox]

I'm bein' honest. Figured y'needed a little more of that than the hair gel.

[paintjobs]

Excuse me, I'm the one having an emergency here! I really think I'm better suited to be the judge of that.

[glassbox]

The way y'talk, y'better have at least ten feet of the most goddamn luxurioius locks on the planet, sweetheart.

[paintjobs]

I have exactly as much as I need to look outstanding, thank you, and not one unnecessary strand more.

[glassbox]

Fine. Let's see it then.

[paintjobs]

[ a pause, and — obligingly, he shifts it to video, glowy red eyes and ~perfect hair~ and all. ]

You're lucky I had enough supply to last out the day, or I'd have to refer you back to some past footage.

[glassbox]

[ There's a long pause where Lil is squinting at her screen. ]

What's wrong with your eyes?

[paintjobs]

That's not what you were meant to be admiring — but since you are. [ what a smile. ] They're reminiscent of my optics. I thought it was a nice touch.

[glassbox]

You're gonna have t'explain what the hell that means.

[paintjobs]

[ there goes the smile, into a HEAVY SIGH ]

I'm Cybertronian. Inorganic species from the planet Cybertron, etc cetera. This is what my optics — eyes — are supposed to look like.

[glassbox]

[ Long pause. ]











Ugh. You're a bot.

[paintjobs]

Pardon me?

[ disdain is totally his line ]

[glassbox]

You're a robot. Right? That's what you're sayin'?

[ Grosssssss. ]

[paintjobs]

That's right. What of it?

[glassbox]

So I don't like you. An' I sure as hell don't give a damn about your hair. You're a bot! What d'you even need hair for?

[paintjobs]

Good, then you can assume it's mutual. And I don't need hair as a robot, obviously. Hair is for organics. Which is exactly when I have it.

[glassbox]

So go back t'bein' a stupid machine. Then y'won't need the stupid gel.

[paintjobs]

I do! Often. But I can't stay that way all the time.

[glassbox]

Why not?

[paintjobs]

I just can't. Don't worry about it.

[glassbox]

What, y'broken or somethin'?