audio;

[paintjobs]

I am having a serious crisis, and I need help. Hopefully a network full of heroes can provide some kind of relief to a desperate spark in need.

[ oh, sure, he's heard of things like... explosions, death, political debates, and benefits being cut (that's super annoying, actually), but really, there's just one Most Important matter at hand: ]

I think they've stopped making my favorite kind of hair gel. I can't find it anywhere, and trust me, I've checked every store. Shouldn't there be -- I don't know, warehouses full of it somewhere out there? Isn't that how these things work? It doesn't matter -- I need more of it, pronto! Do you have any idea how difficult it is to keep looking as good as I do without hair gel?!

There'll be some kind of reward in it for you if you can help me out, I'll figure that out later -- just give me a hand here, someone!

Comments

[viced]

You're bitching about hair gel?

[paintjobs]

Did you not hear me right? This is a plea for help.

[viced]

With your...hair gel. Look, I'm as vain as the next politician, but it's not the end of the world.

[paintjobs]

Obviously it's not the end of the world, I never claimed that — but that doesn't mean it's not an intolerable grievance.

[viced]

Intolerable grievance? It's fucking hair gel, you're not starving or homeless.

[paintjobs]

Would you stop that? You clearly don't understand the kind of trauma I'm going through here.

[viced]

Then why don't you explain it?

[paintjobs]

You clearly don't care. I'll save my breath.

[viced]

If I didn't fucking care, I wouldn't ask.

[paintjobs]

Of course you would. You job is to talk, isn't it? You're probably... practicing.

[viced]

Well, at this point, I don't really need to practice. I do however, like to get to know the people around me. You're talking about hair gel like it's a dire situation -- I'm curious why.

[paintjobs]

Because it is! If I'm going to be seen in this little fleshy body, I'm at least going to be seen on my own terms.

[viced]

Huh.

[ A pause. ]

I mean, I don't think it's as dire as you think it is, but... I can understand the sentiment. Nobody wants to look terrible. Have you tried shopping around?

[paintjobs]

There you go, see, a little sympathy never killed anyone. And yes, I have. Nothing else even comes close.

Although I have that small-ish human on the case, so all hope may not be lost.

[viced]

Well, good fucking luck with that.

And pray for the day you don't get a goddamn pimple, I guess.

[paintjobs]

Please, as if that would be a problem for me.

[viced]

You say that now, but you never know.

[ He's going to be praying for it tbh ]

[paintjobs]

Speak for yourself, skinjob. I could fix any unfortunates with a quick transformation.

[viced]

What, does it go away when you switch back? [ jealous!! ]

[paintjobs]

Of course it does. [ YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, SUPERIOR CYBERTRONIAN, RIGHT HERE ]

[viced]

That's bullshit! How'd you get so fucking lucky?