AUDIO; locked from Tailgate

[forcowardice]

All right, so I'm going to be honest here. I haven't really ever seriously dated until now.

I know, real shocking. That-- that would be sarcasm. I mean, what with a four million year long war, that doesn't really cater to a life of romance for most of us. Anyway. I need a bit of advice.

I, uh. I really want to do my best to impress my boyfriend. He's sweet and friendly and really, really incredible and I want to make this work. I really don't want to screw this up, so hopefully a few of you have had some experience in dating.

Like, I dunno. Date suggestions? Methods to impress said boyfriend? I'm not sure I could really do this the Decepticon way. He kinda might take offense.

Comments

[tooscience]

Behold, my superior dating advice!

Dump him! You don't need to reproduce, Francois.

[forcowardice]

I'm not dating him to reproduce and that's still not my name.

[tooscience]

Then what's the point in dating?

voice

[paintjobs]

You're dating an Autobot?

[ which is out before he... remembers that he's supposed to keep these sorts of things ambiguous. erg. ]

voice

[forcowardice]

Yeah? So what? Not like there are any Decepticon officers around to bug me about it. Besides, the war's over.

[paintjobs]

[ humph ]

Over or not, I can't see that one lasting.

[worstprime]

Hold the phone.

[Rodimus read that in a magazine.]

What exactly is the "Decepticon way"? I'm genuinely curious.

[forcowardice]

Oh, you know, the usual. Collecting dead Autobot soldier badges. Scoring at least fifty kills on the battlefield.

[worstprime]

Y'see you say that, you say that like it's a joke, but I'm not actually sure if it's a joke...

[motherfucked]

Okay, problem one: you realize this is like, going to an internet comments section for dating advice, right? Like, I don't know what this "decepticon way" shit is, and it sounds both evil and profoundly un-hot, but I don't know how it could be worse.

[forcowardice]

Yeah, I kind of get that, but I don't really have anyone to ask advice on. [He's not about to, like, ping Annie for dating advice okay.] So it's kind of like, I dunno, throwing a bunch of darts and seeing what sticks and what I'm going to like and what I'm gonna ignore.

Now now, Decepticons aren't ... all crazy evil people. Just, you know, a bunch.

[motherfucked]

Like rich people. Or cops. Okay.

So, tips. Wash your hair, because a lot of guys don't think they have to and it's gross. I know that sounds basic but I have had some bad experiences. And, uh, make sure you're not really in love with someone else. Because that always makes for a shitty date. Uh. Go somewhere you like to go even when you're alone but also somewhere you can actually talk.

text

[lyingheart]

[ Why do people keep coming to the network for personal life advice Annie does not understand ]

Isn't being attentive and paying attention to his wants and needs while balancing them against practical concerns enough?

[ For impressing. Who needs anything else. Don't ask about romance, that's a... non.... matter............ but really. Based on what she's observed, attentiveness seems to be a feature in... at least half of each relationship that lasts more than a few months. ]

text

[forcowardice]

[it's complicated annie]

I guess I don't want to make any assumptions. What I think might be good enough might not actually be enough and there's no reason I couldn't try to do more, right?

permatext

[lyingheart]

I suppose not, but have you asked him?

[voice]

[yatagarasu]

I dunno what the "Decepticon way" is, but you should always think back to what your boyfriend likes. His hobbies, favorite food, favorite places, that sort of thing.

[Kay scored a boyfriend here, she thinks she's qualified to give date advice. Maybe.]

[voice]

[forcowardice]

Hmm. I guess so. I just hope he doesn't get tired of chocolate and ice cream. Though I guess, actually, maybe it'd be nice to try to develop engex here. I'll bet it's been awhile since he had any of that.

Thanks! That's actually some pretty helpful advice.

[voice]

[myownbestfriend]

Have you tried sex?

[Protip: Never ever take romantic advice from Emma Frost.

Also she has no idea if giant alien space robots are even into that, but Fulcrum's been whining about being stuck in a human body, so...]

[voice]

[forcowardice]

That gets a bit finicky. It sounds... messy in a human body and I'd rather avoid any potential consequences.

[knightunbraided]

You need nothing more than what's in your spark, my friend!

[Oh god it's this guy again.]

[forcowardice]

[OH GOD IT'S THIS GUY AGAIN]

Oh, it's you.

I don't think what's in my spark is necessarily enough.

[video]

[hands4healing]

Congratulations!

I don't know what you mean by the Decepticon way, but...um...maybe you should just ask?

[video]

[forcowardice]

Thanks! Ah, you know... not to sound weird, but I swear I've seen your face before.

[What's the non-creepy way of mentioning "hey i dreamed about you once"]

You know, you'd think that'd be the sensible thing. Just asking and being straight-forward about this.

[asafepairofhands]

[Someone sounds extremely unimpressed from the get-go, but his tone is still barely polite.]

Define 'impress.'

[forcowardice]

Like... I wanna be amazing for him.

[And not feel like crap every time Tailgate talks about how amazing Cyclonus is.]