maskormenace | 006 ♍ voice

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006 ♍ voice

[ kanaya knows she has to make this confession, not that she's particularly looking forward to it. but now that they've put her in solitary, nothing about this punishment has been satisfying. she needs something better.

everyone needs to know, but she doesn't want their pity, and doesn't deserve their sympathy. so. she kind of goes a little too far in the other direction, there. ]

I've been quiet the past few days. I say this not as an apology, because I don't particularly give a shit, but as an explanation. For those who don't know me, my name is Kanaya Maryam, an for the past few months I've been moonlighting as a costumed thug. One might even go so far as to say I was a supervillain.

Shocking, isn't it? I was a bit surprised, myself. [ not that she's going to explain that one. ]

As Hobgoblin, I committed numerous crimes, whether disrupting traffic, harassing the costumed set, playing ghost in a haunted house, other, more serious infractions. Kidnapping. Stalking. And...worse than that. [ her flippant tone cracks, her voice falling low and shaky. ] I've-- I've hurt people. People who didn't deserve it. Innocents.

[ there's a fury brimming in that last word, a self-loathing and shame. she can feel her hands shaking, her knuckles going white as she balls her fists. but they won't see that, it's important that they don't. if they recognize any remorse, it will defeat the whole purpose.

she takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she collects herself again. ]

For all of these things, the most the local authorities have seen fit to do is stick me in a room alone without my powers. Which is really great, I must say. Wonderful to know that we feed and house our criminals when law-abiding residents have no such amenities, especially when they aren't registered! I must say this world's punitive measures are deeply impressive, it truly overwhelms me with compunction, how much softer-handed it is than I expected when I turned myself in. I suppose I shouldn't be really surprised, when the approach to everything is such a joke, such a limp attitude toward justice is at least consistent.

But it isn't real justice. It's a mockery. [ she thinks of terezi, and wonders if she'd be more embarrassed by the meagerness of it, or that kanaya submitted herself willingly. terezi would know what to do here. ]

I'm sure many of you could do better, someone who really believes in the subject, unless you're too stuck in all the nonsense moralizing humans too often preoccupy themselves with. You're heroes. I'm a villain. That seems simple enough to me.

If you want to see real justice done, I'm not going anywhere.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ Yeah, right. Be more obvious. ]

What kind of plot?

Oh, come off it already. Just because I've been arrested and am confessing my crimes doesn't mean I've got any prerogative to detail every part of the plans I had. Not to you, certainly.

Yeah, except that that denial sounds exactly like what you'd say if you haven't got an answer. This is a public thread. People are listening in. If you want to convince them to come and...beat you up or kill you or whatever, then you ought to have some good answer, because otherwise no one will believe you.

[ she pauses, curling her upper lip and regretting how true it is. the specifics aren't important, but broad strokes may be necessary. ]

They were test subjects.

[ it's true enough, even if she wasn't conducting the tests. ]

In what sort of test?

[ she lets out a sigh, and then, in a sing-song voice: ]

Oh, I was just having them run through a maze! Chasing after bits of cheese and the like.

[ then, flatly: ]

Scientific experiments, what did you think?

[ A bit tartly: ]

You do know that making rats go after cheese is science too, don't you?

[ But - ]

What sorts of scientific experiments. You're not going to seem remotely believable until you actually cough up some details.

Biological study. I was practicing my surgical skills. And maybe I got a little hungry every now and then!

If you wanted a tissue full of phlegmy details, [ because they're coughed up. it's a weird metaphor. ] you might try being someone who matters enough to hear them. I already gave those details to the police, you might try asking them!

I'm sure they'd just as happily provide for you.

[ uh huh ]

So - you're saying you...cut open and ate people.

I put them back together! Notice murder isn't among my charges.

And I didn't eat more than they could take, just a bit of blood here and there.

And who were they, exactly? Local people?

People who wouldn't be missed.

So - locals.

You'd have heard about it if it were imPorts, don't you think?

Disgustingly, yes.

[ There's a real anger in her voice - less at Kanaya, whose story she's still not buying at all, and more at the imPorts and all the people who think they're mire important than those without powers. ]

How many people?

[ that was the idea, though she hoped she might at least direct some of it toward the person who saw that and took advantage of it. ]

At least the three who were rescued. But perhaps those are only the three anyone thought to notice.

It could be there were others.

[ she isn't even sure how many it was, the memories are too vague. but norman had other subjects when she tried to kill him, even after the others were freed. ]

You don't remember that, either?

Is that what I said?

"It could be" there were others. So...yeah, it is what you said.

No, I said no one bothered to notice if there were more. That no one doesn't include me.

It means that you're irritating and I'm not giving out anymore free answers.

Do as you'd like. But you're the one looking for a showdown, and for that to happen you've got to convince someone of something. You could have done that now. But you've not convinced anyone of anything. You know that, right?

Oh please, you wouldn't be convinced no matter what I said. With every inane question, you have another waiting, and if I don't answer that one precisely as you expect, obviously I must be lying about the whole thing!

Because you'll always have some rainbow glitterfucked butterfly of hope fluttering in your heart to compensate for your empty head. Because you still haven't realized there is no getting home the way you think there is, that you're going to fail and everyone in your insipid revolution is going to die.

People aren't good. Me especially. Thinking otherwise is only setting yourself up for a fall.

[ She shakes her head, unmoved by all of that. ]

Right. So - let me get everything straight. You want people to come along and hurt you because you feel so rotten about what you did. Never mind that you can't remember what you did, and if you can't remember then you can't even know for sure that it was you. But all right. What's the point in getting people to come along and bruise their fists on your face, really? It seems awfully melodramatic and sentimental. And honestly - it's really quite rotten and selfish, too, because it will come out that you're just miserable and depressed and masochistic, and then anyone who came and beat on you will just feel shitty about themselves for having done that. So it's really quite unkind of you even to be trying this.

Just because I'm sick of answering your questions doesn't mean I don't remember. I do remember, and there's no doubt whatsoever that I was the one who committed these crimes. You're trying to be cleverer than your intelligence allows, and just coming off as an idiot for it. Which at least is consistent for you, I suppose.

Where did you ever get the impression that I'm against being unkind? That I'm not has been the whole point from the start.

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