maskormenace | 006 ♍ voice

[ kanaya knows she has to make this confession, not that she's particularly looking forward to it. but now that they've put her in solitary, nothing about this punishment has been satisfying. she needs something better.

everyone needs to know, but she doesn't want their pity, and doesn't deserve their sympathy. so. she kind of goes a little too far in the other direction, there. ]

I've been quiet the past few days. I say this not as an apology, because I don't particularly give a shit, but as an explanation. For those who don't know me, my name is Kanaya Maryam, an for the past few months I've been moonlighting as a costumed thug. One might even go so far as to say I was a supervillain.

Shocking, isn't it? I was a bit surprised, myself. [ not that she's going to explain that one. ]

As Hobgoblin, I committed numerous crimes, whether disrupting traffic, harassing the costumed set, playing ghost in a haunted house, other, more serious infractions. Kidnapping. Stalking. And...worse than that. [ her flippant tone cracks, her voice falling low and shaky. ] I've-- I've hurt people. People who didn't deserve it. Innocents.

[ there's a fury brimming in that last word, a self-loathing and shame. she can feel her hands shaking, her knuckles going white as she balls her fists. but they won't see that, it's important that they don't. if they recognize any remorse, it will defeat the whole purpose.

she takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly as she collects herself again. ]

For all of these things, the most the local authorities have seen fit to do is stick me in a room alone without my powers. Which is really great, I must say. Wonderful to know that we feed and house our criminals when law-abiding residents have no such amenities, especially when they aren't registered! I must say this world's punitive measures are deeply impressive, it truly overwhelms me with compunction, how much softer-handed it is than I expected when I turned myself in. I suppose I shouldn't be really surprised, when the approach to everything is such a joke, such a limp attitude toward justice is at least consistent.

But it isn't real justice. It's a mockery. [ she thinks of terezi, and wonders if she'd be more embarrassed by the meagerness of it, or that kanaya submitted herself willingly. terezi would know what to do here. ]

I'm sure many of you could do better, someone who really believes in the subject, unless you're too stuck in all the nonsense moralizing humans too often preoccupy themselves with. You're heroes. I'm a villain. That seems simple enough to me.

If you want to see real justice done, I'm not going anywhere.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Of course it wasn't entirely what it was about, I just said it was only in part!

But we knew that the potential for imPort threats was there from the start. And I knew I'd be a fool not to think I could be one of them.

And you knew you could do this, but you never mentioned it? Why the hell not?

People don't generally tend to proclaim with pride how tenuous a grasp they have on the danger they can present the world!

If it were you, would you have mentioned it?

If I was afraid of snapping and torturing people?

Yeah, I would have mentioned it!

You think you would because you've never been in that position before. Were there any kind of reality to the circumstances, I honestly doubt that answer would be truthful.

I know someone who's been in your shoes, and he didn't make the same screwed up mistakes you've made. I've seen how people have benefited from his approach, so I'd say that my answer is plenty truthful.

Congratulations, you know someone who's a better person than I am.

That isn't a terribly high bar to reach.

Oh, cut the self-pitying bullshit!

What am I supposed to say, Jean? Good for your friend?

He isn't me, I don't know anything about him to know if his example is in any way relevant to me, so I don't especially care what he managed to accomplish or how inspiring you found it to be!

Where the fuck did inspiration come into this? [At this point, he is basically shouting into his communicator.] I just said that you're assuming that everyone would be like you. And they wouldn't be.

I don't think everyone would be like me. Others would probably find some workable solution, probably.

But if you think it would be a common solution to openly admit to everyone that you're losing your grip on yourself and your sanity, I still think you're incredibly naive!

No, it looks like you wanted to hide the fact that you wanted to hurt a lot of people, and aren't owning up to it for whatever reason.

Just say that's what it was.

Of course you'll see it that way. Everything comes in very clearly defined lines for you, this way makes you evil, this way makes you not.

So, if that's how you want to see it, be my guest. You've already made your decision, Jean. You don't need my permission.

You were providing your own defined lines when you said all this. Now you're saying they don't exist?

Maybe I'm not a reliable source on the matter. I'm demonstrable too crazy to really listen to, aren't I?

What?!

Should I be speaking more slowly?

What does being crazy have to do with any of this?

FUCKING EVERYTHING!

Do you think any of this would have happened otherwise?!

You didn't mention anything about being crazy.

What do you think I've been talking about this whole time?

That you were waiting for your opportunity to strike? What the hell?

If that's what you've taken from it then you really must be deaf or stupid! Do you ever actually listen to what other people say, or are you too busy conducting some argument that you've only imagined the other side to?

I'm supposed to apply that you meant all of what you were saying because you were crazy, not just biding your time like I've seen comrades do before? [He knows she knows what Annie did.]

This is what I meant about defining lines. If you're going to believe as you like about me and my motivations regardless, then what does anything I say matter to begin with?

voice.

isaytheeneigh - 2015-02-10 05:56 (UTC) - Expand