text;

[crabsurd]

FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Comments

voice.

[selfequipped]

Kanaya doesn't want me to tell you more. [Private or not, she's going to be straightforward about that.] But you're going to run into people who knew you, so it seemed fair. It's better than forcing someone to pretend they didn't know you, I guess. [Even if Kate's never poked and prodded at those details. She doesn't want to know about the life she lost.]

It's really confusing and infuriating and frustrating, but it's what happens.

[crabsurd]

DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT CONFUSION AND FURY AND FRUSTRATION. I AM THE PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF ALL OF THOSE THINGS. EVEN MORESO NOW THAT THERE IS A CONSPIRACY TO KEEP ME FROM INFORMATION THAT I SHOULD RIGHTLY HAVE, AS LEADER OF
WELL
WHATEVER THE FUCK IT IS THAT I'M THE LEADER OF NOW.
LIKE TWO TROLLS, I GUESS. WHATEVER, MY POINT STANDS.
DOES THIS MEAN YOU KNEW THE PAST ME? WHAT DID HE FUCK UP, HE MUST HAVE FUCKED SOMETHING UP. IT'S LIKE A REQUIREMENT FOR ALL KARKATS, PAST AND FUTURE.

[selfequipped]

We spoke like ... once. It was about timelines and dead timelines and multiversal shenanigans. I thought some of the stuff you had to say was actually pretty hilarious. I—guess that makes me a bit of a jerk. [She shrugs it off.]

But even if there's a conspiracy, it was in your best interests. It's hard to realize you've lost pieces of your life. Kanaya's got this one right, I'm afraid. But it's too late, and I'm sorry for that.

[crabsurd]

WOW, NO. I HAVEN'T LOST PIECES OF MY LIFE, WHAT THE FUCK.
ALL I HAVE "LOST"
(AND I USE THAT TERM IN THE LOOSEST AND MOST CONTEMPTUOUS SENSE)
IS A PAST KARKAT. AND SINCE PAST KARKAT IS AN IDIOT WIGGLER SNIFFING AT HIS OWN FILTH, I'D SAY THAT'S NO BIG LOSS.

[selfequipped]

Should you really be talking about ... any Karkat that way?

[crabsurd]

YES. ALWAYS.
ONE THING ALL KARKATS CAN AGREE ON IS THE FACT THAT ALL PAST AND FUTURE KARKATS ARE BULGELICKING ABOMINATIONS WHO SHOULD BE DISCARDED AT THE EARLIEST POSSIBLE OPPORTUNITY.

[selfequipped]

Oh.

[That's really not the easiest thing to hear.]

Well, I doubt that's actually true.

[crabsurd]

I KNOW PAST KARKAT BETTER THAN YOU, PUKENODES.
I CAN SAY FOR A FACT THAT IT IS 100% TRUE FOREVER. TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT IT.
ME AND MY PASTFUTURE SELVES HAVE AN UNDERSTANDING, IT'S FINE.

[selfequipped]

But what if you developed a new understanding?

[crabsurd]

IT WOULD BE FALSE AND WRONG AND ONLY ACHIEVED BY CRACKING OPEN MY THINKPAN AND REMOVING MY SPONGE.

[selfequipped]

How would it be false if you achieved it with yourself? Wouldn't that make the previous understanding just as false?

[crabsurd]

I CAN'T EVER DEVELOP A NEW UNDERSTANDING WITH MYSELF, BECAUSE ALL PAST AND FUTURE ITERATIONS OF ME ARE TOO INCREDIBLY STUPID TO ACHIEVE A CONSENSUS WITH.
EXAMPLE: I AM ALREADY BERATING PAST KARKAT FROM FIVE MINUTES AGO BECAUSE HE GOT INTO THIS INCREDIBLY STUPID CONVERSATION.

[selfequipped]

Oh, yeah, incredibly stupid conversation promoting your self worth!