maskormenace

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FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

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[THAT SURE IS KARKAT. That's unmistakeable. Wall of grey text, all caps, him bitching about inane bullshit.

Well, the same shit that Eridan was basically complaining about a perigee ago, but that's different. He's Eridan, and this is Karkat. Duh.

It takes him a bit to figure out what to say, how to approach this. When is Karkat from? Is he before or after Eridan went a little wand happy? Guess there's only one way to find out:]

look wwhat the behemoth dragged in
been a wwhile since ivve seen you kar
youre about as livvely as fuckin evver

[ACTING LIKE NOTHING IS WRONG AND HE TOTALLY DIDN'T MURDER TWO OF THEIR MUTUAL FRIENDS. NAILED IT.]

I've recently been informed of an entirely separate type of emoticon known as "emoji" that may provide the proper emotional spectrum.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

WHAT

NO NO, STOP THAT. STOP WITH THE TALKING TO ME LIKE THIS ISN'T A BIG FUCKING DEAL.
WHY ARE YOU HERE. I'M THE LEADER, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO GET HERE FIRST.
OR AT LEAST BE INFORMED OF ANY INTERDIMENSIONAL TRAVEL BEFORE IT HAPPENS. SOMEONE IS NEGLECTING THEIR DUTY HERE, AND AS LEADER I'M GOING TO OFFICIALLY DECLARE THAT IT'S YOU.

holy shit yourre way better than the idiot who uses violet text

WHAT IN THE ABSURDLY-GAPING MAW OF FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE.
IT LOOKS LIKE SOME KIND OF DEFORMED HAT, ALL RIPE AND READY TO BE TIPPED BY THE FIRST DOUCHEBAG TO BE IDIOTIC ENOUGH TO WEAR IT. HIDEOUS.

Oh, wow. Who knew that monkeys on a typewriter theory was actually true?

WELL, DUH.
NEXT YOU WILL BE TELLING ME THAT WATER IS WET, OR THAT CHOLERBEARS ARE TEEMING WITH A NEVER-ENDING MULTITUDE OF UNSAVORY DISEASES. WE ARE TALKING INSANE LEVELS OF OBVIOUSNESS HERE.

It's a person shrugging, as though they've just heard one of the most ridiculous things they will ever hear. If this is what hats look like to you, I am very confused by the shape of your species' heads.

WHAT. WHAT MONKEY TYPEWRITER THEORY.
YOU ARE MAKING ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE AS A JUGGALO'S LIFE CHOICES, WHICH IS NO SENSE. I REFER YOU ONCE AGAIN TO MY STATEMENT ABOUT HOW COMPLETELY FUCKING ASHAMED I AM OF YOU.

A monkey randomly smashing keys on a typewriter will eventually type any given piece of work, given enough time.

And considering how long that disjointed spew was, you probably deserve a banana for all that hard work! We're all really proud of you.

MY HEAD IS HEAD SHAPED, DUMBFUCK.
SINCE YOU ARE CLEARLY CHALLENGED IN THE VISUALIZATIONAL SKILLS AREA OF YOUR MALNOURISHED THINKPAN, I WILL SHOW YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

KEEP YOUR BIZARRELY-CONTOURED FRUITS AWAY FROM ME. GROSS.
I THINK WE'RE FORGETTING WHICH OF OUR RESPECTIVE SPECIES IS MOST MONKEYLIKE. AND ASSUMING YOU'RE HUMAN
(WHICH YOU ARE, I CAN TELL FROM THE AURA OF SUPREME STUPIDITY YOU'RE EMITTING)
YOU ARE THE MONKEY. IT IS YOU.
PERHAPS YOU SHOULD TAKE YOUR SO-CALLED "BANANA" AND JAM IT FORCIBLY UP YOUR OWN WASTECHUTE.

Oh no, it's getting grumpy! Your handler's been playing keep-away until you finally spat out all the works of Shakespeare, huh?

Don't worry, I'm sure someone's called animal control by this point. It'll all be over soon.

I see now. Thank you for the helpful illustration. My "thinkpan" isn't malnourished, though, if that means what I think. I am a robot. I don't need nourishment.

You are incredibly vulgar, if I may add.

*TROLL SHAKESPEARE.
AND FOR YOUR INFORMATION, I DON'T "GET GRUMPY." I GET INFURIATED. MY ANGER BLAZES WITH ALL THE SKIN-BLISTERING INTENSITY OF THE ALTERNIAN SUN.
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE. BUT TALKING TO HUMANS ABOUT THE NUANCES OF RAGE AND HATE IS A FUTILE EXERCISE.
IT'S LIKE TRYING TO TEACH GRUBS TO JUGGLE. THEY DON'T HAVE THE EQUIPMENT.

HUMAN ROBOT OR TROLL ROBOT?
IT'S AN IMPORTANT DISTINCTION. TROLL ROBOTS ARE SPOOKY CRYPTIC PIECES OF SHIT, AND HUMAN ROBOTS ARE FLIGHTY IRRITATING SNOOZEBOTS WHO ARE PRONE TO SUDDEN AND DEVASTATING EXPLOSIONS.
DEVASTATING IN LIKE, THE NON EMOTIONAL SENSE. BECAUSE NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT ROBOTS.

I don't think you really have the equipment to hit skin-blistering anger. You're struggling just to break out of 'adorably requires a timeout' as it is.

Neither, if those are the two options you are familiar with. Did something happen to you in the imPorting process or are you this bellicose normally? Do you need to watch a romantic comedy and calm down?

[ what was it ruka said? it would be at least a month. two days short, but that doesn't mean she was wrong. and the part neither of them had mentioned, but knew was a possibility proves just as true, there isn't any fooling otherwise with the way he talks.

she honestly can't remember when he first encountered earth romcoms, how long ago could this be? ]

please do us all the favor of keeping your shame bladders sealed outside of appropriate disposal areas
there isnt a person born who deserves to suffer a fate so gross
also the part you missed is no humans are actually responsible for your being here
that mistake may be common but a little embarrassing when you jump straight to histrionics over so misdirected an assumption

additionally also
hi

the heart of the patriot
totally the only propaganda drenched soap opera to drink to

WAIT. YOU'RE HERE TOO?
TO REPEAT WHAT I SAID TO ERIDAN: I EXPECT MY TEAM TO KEEP ME INFORMED OF NEW DEVELOPMENTS AT ALL TIMES. INCLUDING BEING FORCIBLY GRUBDUCTED INTO ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS, OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS.
THAT'S AN EXPLICIT RULE NOW. NOBODY MOVES UNIVERSES WITHOUT TELLING ME FIRST.

HI THOUGH, I GUESS.
ARE YOU SURE THE HUMANS AREN'T RESPONSIBLE?
BECAUSE I'M PRETTY SURE THEY HAVE TO BE. POSSIBLY INDIRECTLY, THROUGH THEIR OWN IDIOCY.

THAT'S A ROMCOM, RIGHT? TELL ME THAT'S A ROMCOM.
ASSUMING IT IS, YOU ARE THE FIRST BULGEGRIPPING MORON TO ACTUALLY GIVE ME SOME DECENT ADVICE. I WOULD OFFER YOU SOME KIND OF AWARD IF I WEREN'T BUSY BEING CONSUMED WITH FURY AND DISTASTE FOR THIS ENTIRE UNIVERSE.

I AM BELLICOSE AS ALL FUCK, CONSTANTLY, AT ALL TIMES.
EVEN WHILE SLEEPING NUBS-DEEP IN SLIME, MY FACE IS TWISTED INTO A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF SLUMBERING HOSTILITY AIMED AT THE WORLD IN GENERAL. THERE IS NEVER A POINT IN TIME WHERE I AM NOT NOOKCHAFED OVER THE FESTERING BEHEMOTH LEAVING THAT MY LIFE HAS BECOME.

NOT THAT I'M TURNING DOWN THE ROMCOMS OR ANYTHING, I JUST WATCH THEM ANGRILY.
WHICH DOESN'T DECREASE MY ENJOYMENT OF THEIR PORTRAYALS OF INTER-QUADRANTICAL DYNAMICS OR THEIR DEEP CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.

yeah, it's totally time consuming
hamsters help
and it's a dramatic story following captain liberty americus and family and her fight for country and love
and a ton of amnesia and evil twins

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