text;

[crabsurd]

FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Comments

[capriciousrevolt]

Wow! Someone sure is in a mood.

Alas, TL;DR. ┐( ˘ ､ ˘ )┌

[crabsurd]

I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO THESE DISINGENUOUS ASSERTIONS.
I AM NOT "IN A MOOD." THIS IS MY DEFAULT STATE OF BEING. MY CURRENT ANGER LEVELS ARE NOWHERE NEAR PEAKING RIGHT NOW.

ALSO YOUR EMOTE IS SHIT AND MAKES NO SENSE.

[capriciousrevolt]

ヽ(￣～￣　)ノ On the other hand, you might just be stupid. My emotes are superior to whatever bucktoothed nonsense you had in your post.

[crabsurd]

I SWEAR TO EVERYTHING UNHOLY IN THIS MISERABLE EXCUSE FOR A UNIVERSE
THAT IF ONE MORE SHITDRIBBLING FUCKSTICK MISTAKES MY HORNS FOR BUCKTEETH I AM GOING TO FLIP EVERY SHIT.
I WILL PROCURE A VAST AND VARIED COLLECTION OF SHITS AND I WILL ARRANGE THEM ON TABLES
PEOPLE WILL TRAVEL FROM MILES AROUND AND PAY HUMAN MONEY TO GAZE UPON MY INCREDIBLE DISPLAY
AND WHEN I AM SURROUNDED BY SHITGAWKING MORONS I WILL TAKE ALL THE TABLES AND I WILL FLIP THEM, THEREBY ALSO FLIPPING THE SHITS, AND I WILL BELLOW:
"THOSE ARE FUCKING HORNS, YOU GLORIFIED MUCUS CONTAGION."

[capriciousrevolt]

Maybe if you weren't an idiot, this wouldn't be a problem for you.

What kind of unimpressive rack can be indicated with B???

[crabsurd]

LISTEN, HUMAN
(I AM ASSUMING YOU ARE HUMAN UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE, BECAUSE YOU ARE STUPID: THE CLASSIC HUMAN DEFINING TRAIT)
WHEN YOU GROW YOUR OWN HORNS, WHICH IS NEVER, YOU CAN SPECULATE ON HOW IMPRESSIVE MINE ARE.
UNTIL THEN, SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND START TWEAKING ON YOUR HUMAN HUMILIATION BUMPS OR SOMETHING TO PASS THE TIME.

[capriciousrevolt]

Hahaha wow. Are you hitting on me? That's just perverse.

[crabsurd]

WHAT
NO
THAT'S GROSS, YOU'RE GROSS
THIS IS A COMPLETELY PLATONIC FLAVOR OF HATRED I'M SPEWING. REGULAR HATE. EGRHRGHH.

[capriciousrevolt]

Hey, I'm not the one fantasizing about other people tweaking anything.

[crabsurd]

TWEAKING ISN'T PERVERTED.
TAKE, FOR EXAMPLE, THE WAY THAT A LOVING CRAB LUSUS MIGHT USE HIS PINCHERS TO TWEAK HIS INFANT CHARGE'S SNIFFNODES WHILE SCREECHING ENDEARMENTS AT HIM.

[capriciousrevolt]

My mistake! Vocabulary aside, that sounds shockingly like a nanny I had as a boy.

[crabsurd]

WHAT'S A NANNY.
IT SOUNDS LIKE SOME KIND OF SANDWICH
LIKE
"BOY, I COULD SURE GO FOR A DELICIOUS NANNY RIGHT NOW. HOLD THE GRUBSAUCE."

[capriciousrevolt]

A caretaker. I didn't much care for her, but consuming her seems to go a little far.