text;

[crabsurd]

FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Comments

[crabsurd]

BLUE IS THE COLOUR OF

1) IDIOTS
2) SICK FUCKS WHO ARE ALSO IDIOTS
3) SOCIOPATHIC SPITEWITCHES WHO ARE, ONCE AGAIN, IDIOTS.

HERE'S YOUR FIRST LESSON, BRO: NEVER LISTEN TO A THING ERIDAN SAYS. HIS OPINIONS ARE UNIVERSALLY TERRIBLE IN EVERY WAY.

[daintylegs]

So is this a better colour then? I mean, I don't want to offend anyone!

[Tailgate literally has no idea what's going on. That's not about to stop him though!]

I dunno, I think Eridan's pretty okay once you get over the genocidal thing.

[crabsurd]

MARGINALLY. CONGRATS ON CLAWING YOUR WAY OUT OF SWEATY BLUE SHIT FACTORY! I AM FEELING THE STIRRINGS OF PRIDE DEEP WITHIN MY PUMP.
AND ERIDAN'S OKAY AND ALL, IN A TERRIBLE "WHY DOES HE EXIST" KIND OF WAY.
THAT DOESN'T STOP HIS OPINIONS FROM BEING ABOUT AS VALID AS THE CERTIFICATE I JUST MADE PROCLAIMING MYSELF THE EMPEROR OF THIS ENTIRE PLANET.

[daintylegs]

It's certainly a pleasure to meet you your majesty.

And welcome to Earth!
It's not so bad once you get used to it.

[crabsurd]

I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF "GETTING USED TO IT."
JUST BECAUSE YOU INCOMPETENT FRONDWIGGLERS HAVEN'T FOUND A WAY TO BUST OUT OF THIS LOSERHIVE PLANET AND GET HOME YET DOESN'T MEAN I WON'T.
IT IS MY QUEST. MY *DESTINY.*

[daintylegs]

Well good luck with that.

We'll all still be here after you fail miserably.
With icecream probably.
Icecream always helps with an existential crises.

Not based on personal experience, of course.

[crabsurd]

LISTEN UP, PISSPLAGUE: I WON'T FAIL.
YOU ARE VASTLY UNDERESTIMATING MY COURAGE AND DETERMINATION, AS WELL AS MY ABILITY TO SHOUT AT THINGS UNTIL THEY FALL INTO LINE.
THIS ENTIRE BULLSHIT SCENARIO WILL CRUMBLE BEFORE ME AND THEN I WILL SMUGLY POINT OUT THAT I TOLD YOU SO.

I WILL ALSO TAKE YOUR HUMAN ICE CREAM AS MY TROPHY FOR BEING RIGHT.

[daintylegs]

[How rude!!!]

Now you're just being mean! :'(
Ice cream doesn't deserve to be kidnapped
it deserves to be loved and enjoyed by all

[crabsurd]

WHAT IF I GRUBNAP THE ICE CREAM SO THAT I CAN DISTRIBUTE IT EVENLY BETWEEN EVERYONE ON THE PLANET AS AN EARTHWIDE CELEBRATION OF SOME KIND.
WOULD THAT SOOTHE YOUR CREASE?

[daintylegs]

Well maybe.
But stealing is still stealing.
Even if it's for the greater good.

But seriously i can't tell i fyou're a jerk or not.
make up your mind!