text;

[crabsurd]

FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Comments

text;

[glowsferatu]

maybe if you wouldnt make such an embarrassing display of flirting with him i might
everyone can see this you know

text;

[unconchonable]

i am NOT flirtin wwith him
he and me just got a thing ok somethin you CLEARLY dont understand
just stay outta it

also any onlookers can fuck off includin YOU

[DON'T CALL HIM OUT ON HIS BULLSHIT, KANAYA!!]

text;

[glowsferatu]

oh its "a thing"
how mistaken ive been in my interpretation
and this "a thing" wouldnt happen to have been fated since time immemorial in a very deep and personal way
how many times have you used that line

in the past week

text;

[unconchonable]

i dont havve to answwer that
see i told you you wwouldnt get it
dont you got some bottomfeeder to drain putrid blood from
or is this a aftermeal bout of sass im bein saddled wwith

text;

[glowsferatu]

oh this sass hasnt surpassed standard levels i wouldnt waste my best on you
but you do realize the only person i know whos likely to feed from the bottom of the ocean

text;

[unconchonable]

oh then perhaps my absolute disinterest in dealin wwith your shit right noww is makin you far more irritatin than usual
also the use of bottomfeeder wwasnt meant to be literal moron
i wwould sooner expel my kickass royal blood wwith the eruption force of a vvolcano than let you havve a taste

text;

[glowsferatu]

id hardly want a taste either
you lack the pleasant favor i prefer in my diet
also if youre having issues with regularity id recommend probiotics
take some imodium instead of telling me about it

text;

[unconchonable]

pfft yeah right my blood is probably a goddamn delicacy youre just talkin shit cuz you dont actually KNOWW anythin
oh my god im not havvin issues wwith regularity you obtuse sunbeast i dont need any imodium
wwhatevver the FUCK that evven is

text;

[glowsferatu]

you relate a vivid description of explosive discharge and expect me not to be concerned
have you seen a doctor about this alarming quality of your stool

text;

[unconchonable]

first of all you aint concerned about me
second of all YOU KNOWW WWHAT I FUCKIN MEANT STOP PLAYIN STUPID

text;

[glowsferatu]

which of us is playing stupid when you think im not more familiar with the flavor of blood than you are

text;

[unconchonable]

i aint sayin blood in GENERAL stupid
im sayin blood as rich an fuckin pure as mine
dont go lumpin my royal blood wwith all the other peasant hues its dowwnright insultin

text; 1/2

[crabsurd]

GUYS

text; 2/2

[crabsurd]

STOP FIGHTING

text;

[glowsferatu]

you realize of course that stopping the fighting is what im doing here
or at least the flirting

text;

[crabsurd]

GROSS.
THERE IS NO FLIRTING HERE. JUST GUYS BEING DUDES.
THE HATE ON DISPLAY IS LUKEWARM AND PURELY PLATONIC ON BOTH SIDES, YOU KNOW THAT.

text;

[glowsferatu]

are you really sure that is something i definitely know
because its entirely possible that the opposite is what i have every reason to suspect/span>

[ and who knows how things will change once he knows everything. ]

text;

[crabsurd]

UNCONVINCED? OK, LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN:
HE'S A RAGING HEMOIST AND I HAVE STANDARDS.

text;

[unconchonable]

kar dont insult me this aint evven somethin that can be ENTERTAINED bein called a fight

text;

[crabsurd]

"GUYS STOP HAVING AN OVERLY ANTAGONISTIC LITTLE SPAT" DOESN'T ROLL OFF THE SQUAWKER AS EASILY.

text;

[glowsferatu]

of course it would be
why would i ever insult those "other peasant hues" by lumping your briny swill in with them

text;

[unconchonable]

do you evven
REALIZE
howw stupid you sound tryin to insult my blood i cant evven take offense because there aint none to take since my blood is UNTOUCHABLE wwhen it comes to insultin it
so keep on tryin kan but i knoww youre just speakin out your wwastechute tryin to insult the uninsultable

text;

[glowsferatu]

he says while glowering from the other side of his keyboard

text;

[unconchonable]

i aint fuckin GLOWWERIN at SHIT kan
least of all from the other side of my keyboard
and evven if i WWERE
wwhich may i remind you i AINT
itd be ovver howw annoyin your putrid stupidity is

[Except he totally is, and it has nothing to do with her supposed putrid stupidity.]

text;

[glowsferatu]

you could use some practice at methods to avoid conveying the impression that you are in fact real mad
because the way the tone bleeds into your text is really telling
just in case you were unaware