text;

[crabsurd]

FIRST OF ALL: FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS.
GRUBNAPPING. OF COURSE! SO "ORIGINAL." I AM SO STUNNED BY THIS DISPLAY OF CREATIVITY AND GOOD SENSE THAT MY ASSORTED SHOCKBLADDERS HAVE GONE INTO OVERDRIVE. IN FACT, I - WAIT, YES - HERE IT GOES. YOU WIN. YOU FORCED THIS OUT OF ME:

O:B

HOLY SHIT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO. LABORIOUSLY MASHING MY HANDS AROUND TO FORM WHAT WE CALL AN "EMOTE," BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE WORDS FOR HOW FUCKING FLABBERGASTED I AM. GOOD JOB, HUMANS. YOU'RE ONTO A WINNER.
"HEY, LET'S SNATCH UP THE ADOLESCENT TROLL WITHOUT WARNING OR PERMISSION AND BRING HIM TO SHITTY HUMAN TRASHPLANET TO SOLVE ALL OUR PROBLEMS." WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
UGH.
AND BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I *KNOW* THIS SO-CALLED NETWORK ISN'T *TECHNICALLY* MADE FOR THE NUB-FELLATING INCOMPETENT GRUBDOUCHES WHO BROUGHT ME HERE
I *KNOW* I AM VOMITING MY ALMIGHTY WRATH ON THE HEADS OF OTHER IMPORTS BLAH BLAH ETC
AND I DON'T CARE.
THERE ARE HUMANS AMONG YOU, SO I HAVE DECIDED THAT YOU ARE ALL COLLECTIVELY RESPONSIBLE FOR MY CURRENT PREDICAMENT. AND THAT'S TERRIBLE.
I HOPE YOU ALL FEEL ASHAMED, BUT REST ASSURED THAT YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY BE AS ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES AS I AM OF YOU.
I AM PREPARING TO SECRETE SHAME FLUID FROM AN ASSORTMENT OF BODILY ORIFICES, SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF DROWNING YOU WEIRD HORNLESS ASSHOLES IN IT. I CONSIDER THIS A MERCY KILLING. YOU'RE WELCOME.

I GUESS WHILE I'M WORKING UP TO THAT I CAN
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE GET ON THIS "BLOGGING" BULLSHIT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
SO IF ANYONE WANTS TO MAKE THEMSELVES USEFUL BEFORE BEING CULLED AND MAYBE LIKE
RECOMMEND SOME EARTH ROMCOMS FOR ME TO SNEER AT DERISIVELY OR SOMETHING
THAT WOULD BE HALFWAY TOLERABLE.

Comments

[daimeinashi]

Hm. If it was "every cranny", then wouldn't that make you human as well? You're occupying space on this fuckplanet as well.

[Is he being overly literal or trolling the troll? The world may never know.]

[crabsurd]

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH
HUMANS HAVE PESTS, RIGHT? SOME OTHER ASSHOLE MENTIONED COCKROACHES.
YOUR RESPITEBLOCK CAN BE INFESTED WITH THOSE WITHOUT YOU BEING A COCKROACH TOO, RIGHT?
IMAGINE IT LIKE THAT. HUMANS ARE CRAWLING INTO MY STUFF AND TWITCHING THEIR LEGS AROUND WHILE I YELL AND STAMP MY FEET AND SHED A SINGLE TEAR BECAUSE I KNOW ANY EFFORT TO GET RID OF THEM WILL BE FUTILE.

[daimeinashi]

The problem with that analogy is that by definition, those doing the infesting, such as the cockroaches, could not be the original inhabitants of the place that is infested. As far as I understand, this world contained only humans before the Porter started to bring others in.

So technically, your species would be the one infesting this planet. [That's all delivered in a straight-up deadpan, as if he were reading from an encyclopedia. And it's all done with pretty much this face: ^_^




Yyyyyyeah, he's a weird one.]