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[deadtective]

We've got posts up playing icebreakers and asking for people to regale them with the exciting tales of their weekend, so I think it's safe to say that we're past the current crisis? We better be, because I'm sick of slicing my fingers up leafing through the classifieds and don't need anybody jumping on me for being flippant during a tragedy.

[so preemptively defensive, Hazel. maybe you should have had somebody proofread this before sending it out.]

I'm looking for a job. I had this whole thing typed up with my preferences and abilities, but it ended up sounding like I was looking to run bootleg liquor over the border.

Which. I mean, if there's an opening for that I'm totally down for an interview? But that's not exactly the kind of thing you advertise for.

I was a private detective back home, buuut honestly I think I broke more laws than solved actual cases. No convictions, though! Uh. The point is I have a shitty skillset and I am super desperate. If the job's not boring as hell and it can finance dozens of pre-ordered video games I'm interested.

Look, it's this or I start prying radios out of hovercars. The crime rate of Heropa is in your hands!!

Comments

[deadtective]

Can't you just donate the priceless artifacts to me instead? I'm pretty sure that'd be a lot more impressive.

And. I'll think about it. No promises.

[tuxedo_magician]

Hmmm. And what have you done to warrant this donation? As it were, I give back the things I take, if only so that I can see the Inspector's face when he discovers that not only did I get away without him catching me but the fact that I was able to return them without him knowing either.

Do. I've gone up against many a detective in my time, but he's one of the very few that I would call a worthy rival.

[deadtective]

I'd have to switch over to private and force you to sign a blood oath before telling you any of that. Maybe just consider taking a leap of faith here? You seem pretty fond of endeavors with limited returns anyway.

[seriously, he just puts it back? he couldn't even go for something super assholeish and stick it in the chief of police's desk drawer or something?]

I'm sure he'll really appreciate you throwing a metaphorical cannonball his way, then.

[tuxedo_magician]

Sad as it makes me, I'll have to decline. I rather like my blood where it is at the moment.

I suppose it depends on what your idea of limited would be. Even if I don't keep it, I still get to spend time with my taskforce and my adoring fans, so I would definitely consider it a win-win situation.

[Well, there was the time it ended up in that fi-fi-finny thing Aoko was making her dad for dinner. Apparently he was rather surprised to get a priceless gem with his dinner.]

It's sort of a game we have.

[deadtective]

This is starting to sound more and more like you're trying to kickstart an acting career rather than actually steal anything, honestly.

Can't you just send the guy a glitterbomb in the mail?

[tuxedo_magician]

Not so much, but one can never forget their adoring fans.

... now there's an idea. And since Tantei-kun wouldn't like it, all the better!

[deadtective]

Be real, you're totally leaving self-made solo albums in place of the stuff you're stealing.

See? There are so many better ideas out there! You just need to reach for them!

[tuxedo_magician]

Ha ha ha. As amusing as that would be, an album full of taunts to the nice Inspector and the task force, I don't think they would appreciate that very much.

I fear that I always did that, poor Tantei-kun would suffer some sort of heart attack.

[deadtective]

Only if you don't have a strong back beat! If the tune if catchy you can sell pretty much anything!

Some rival if he can't handle a little creativity.

[tuxedo_magician]

Something to think about certainly.

There is a reason I refer to most detectives I know as 'critics'.

[deadtective]

If you ever need a shitty lyricist, hit me up. I'll probably still need the extra money by then.

Well, I mean. It's kind of their job to criticize law-breaking, isn't it? They just have to do it so brutally someone ends up in jail over it.

[tuxedo_magician]

I'll keep that in mind.

Certainly. And I don't hold it against them, when they're revealing murders and nefarious plans that involve blimps and a supposed virus and various other uncouth endeavors.

[deadtective]

...I think you're falling a little too far into Hollywood plots again.

[tuxedo_magician]

No, actually. That really happened. There was also the flying of a jetliner at one point too. We had to make an emergency landing with poisoned pilots.

And the rapid loss of fuel.

[deadtective]

That one's a lot less impressive - it's almost believable. You need to step up your game if you're going for complete ridiculousness.

[tuxedo_magician]

Unfortunately, those are the sort of situations you get into when you hang around Tantei-kun.

[deadtective]

Unbelievable but ultimately unsatisfying?

[tuxedo_magician]

Unbelievable but ultimately satisfying whenever he puts the criminals in jail.

... present company not included, of course.

[deadtective]

[hahaha if only he knew how relevant that statement actually was...]

I don't know, some people really look forward to retirement. And I heard they're pretty flexible with what you can do in jail now!

[tuxedo_magician]

Perhaps.

Although Phantom Thieves are not one for cages.

[deadtective]

Ok, so, bad past experiences means I have to clarify this. Are we talking actual ghost thieves orrr..?

[tuxedo_magician]

There's a bit of a story behind the reason for this question, isn't there?

[deadtective]

You mean the question you still haven't answered? Yes.

[tuxedo_magician]

If I answer the question, do I get to hear the story?

[deadtective]

Sure, if you really want to.