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[deadtective]

We've got posts up playing icebreakers and asking for people to regale them with the exciting tales of their weekend, so I think it's safe to say that we're past the current crisis? We better be, because I'm sick of slicing my fingers up leafing through the classifieds and don't need anybody jumping on me for being flippant during a tragedy.

[so preemptively defensive, Hazel. maybe you should have had somebody proofread this before sending it out.]

I'm looking for a job. I had this whole thing typed up with my preferences and abilities, but it ended up sounding like I was looking to run bootleg liquor over the border.

Which. I mean, if there's an opening for that I'm totally down for an interview? But that's not exactly the kind of thing you advertise for.

I was a private detective back home, buuut honestly I think I broke more laws than solved actual cases. No convictions, though! Uh. The point is I have a shitty skillset and I am super desperate. If the job's not boring as hell and it can finance dozens of pre-ordered video games I'm interested.

Look, it's this or I start prying radios out of hovercars. The crime rate of Heropa is in your hands!!

Comments

[deadtective]

You cared enough to open the post and scroll through the replies - unless you're stalking this guy, in which case double shoo!!

[hypnotherapy]

You sounded exceptionally defensive, so I felt it would be worth a scroll if only for potential entertainment. You're a little highly strung, aren't you?

By the way, I room with the detective that was just recommended to you, so if nothing else your potential partnership is of some interest to me.

[deadtective]

I'm not high strung!!! And I've been perfectly matter of fact to everyone all through this!!!!

[yes, all those exclamation points will surely prove that you are right. good move, Hazel.]

And like I said to the other guy, I'm not making any promises on that. I'm not a professional, I'm just stubborn.

[hypnotherapy]

Very well, you aren't high-strung. Should I use 'easily excitable' instead? Is that a kinder term?

You'd be surprised how far stubbornness can get you. A professional could be considered someone who's been stubborn enough to stick with one thing for a very long time. Besides, you don't seem to have much luck on the job front otherwise....

[deadtective]

Why do you need to use any terms? Why is it absolutely necessary for you to be commenting on this at all??

I never asked for that job. [or any job she's had, for that matter] And I've solved a max of three cases, I don't think that really impresses anyone.

[hypnotherapy]

That's more of an existentialism question, isn't it? Why should anyone bother commenting on anything when it's not absolutely necessary? Why should anything be done when it's not absolutely necessary? [ Now he's just trolling. ]

All that aside, even three cases can prove impressive, though I'm not sure what it is with people and their desires to specifically impress others.

[deadtective]

Wading right into the deep stuff, aren't we. I'll let you know how I can understand what is and isn't real and necessary once my eyeballs are actually real.

It's a lot easier to just have one really big flashy thing up your sleeve than spend years slowly building up respect with someone. It's not that hard to understand.

[hypnotherapy]

Aren't we a sour one! You've had a hard life, haven't you. Or perhaps you're just exceptionally cynical. [ He is also pretty cynical, so ]

Oh, I understand it just fine. But if you're confident in your abilities, there's no need to impress. Get the job done that lies in front of you, and keep going.

[deadtective]

I'm a cigarette and fedora away from starring in my own noir series. It's a rough life, but that's what I've got.

That's great if you've got that confidence. For the rest of us, we're just going to keep hanging onto those metaphorical flash bombs for the time being.

[hypnotherapy]

Perfectly suited to being a detective, then. I'm sure you can find someone in this place who literally has legs that go for miles.

I don't think bootlegging is quite as lucrative as it used to be, even in a world like this, but if you like running you could always look for courier work, I suppose? [ He has no idea what your skills are. ]

[deadtective]

Unless s/he is going to help me set a record for most mountains climbed in under six months, I don't think that's going to much a very useful encounter.

That's not a bad idea, although I'm not sure how well I can compete with that sonic speedster guy running the same kind of thing. Guess I'll have to start catering to obnoxiously shady customers or something.

[hypnotherapy]

Now, now. Even people with legs that go for miles have their problems. What they might be, I wouldn't have a clue, but problems are the universal constant.

I find that without a solid and heroic moral code, opportunities seem much more vibrant than before. [ He's been taking small hacking jobs on the side, apart from his official job. Money is money! And fun. ] Reliability is usually a key requirement, in my experience. You never know what you'll find in a package. And it's better not to ask. [ Though netnavi courier work is, of course, different from human courier work. It's not his preferred speed, but he visits the Undernet so often... ]

[deadtective]

My guess would be finding pants that fit.

Honestly, as long as it doesn't explode on me I really don't care what people want mailed. It can't be any worse than the things I've moved at home.

[hypnotherapy]

You'd assume by the time they walked into anyone's office they'd have that sorted out, but there's no accounting for taste.

There you go, you have a solid idea for a career. I'm sure you'll find plenty of shady people who need equally shady things delivered. May it bring you many funds.

[deadtective]

I've seen enough old noir movies to know that you should never write out the possibility of someone coming into the office pantsless to try and seduce you off a case.

I just need enough to further my addiction for overpriced pre-order bonuses. It's really not that much to ask for in the grand scheme of things.

[hypnotherapy]

As I said: no accounting for taste. I'll take your word for it on the movies.

Oh, is that what you're pre-ordering for? Yes, overpricing seems to be a regrettable problem even here. It's a shame. They have some interesting collectibles that you wouldn't be able to get at home, that's for certain.

I can't say I'd know what to do with a specially sculpted roomba that can double as a figma holder, but everyone has different preferences.

[deadtective]

No, you should definitely find out for yourself. Old movies kick a lot more ass than people give them credit for.

[herself included, until she found herself unable to ever sleep again and watching the classic movie channels at three in the morning.]

I don't think I was interested in the game that one came with, but I've totally got a solution to that problem: figma jousting.

[hypnotherapy]

If I ever find myself bored or sleepless enough, I'll consider that a solid option. I prefer reading to watching, personally.

The noise those roombas would make would be horrendous. So much beeping and booping! I'd just feel sorry for them and have to make them stop.

Now I'm missing my file archive. Perhaps I'll get a preorder or two just to have some solid, impressive-looking concept books in my house, even if they're not the games I know. [ He's never had a lot of time for video games, but he does have a solid liking for them. ]

[deadtective]

But you don't get to see Humphrey Bogart's ruggedly handsome face looming out of the fog when you read. Something to consider.

Hey, it's always good to have some conversation pieces scattered around. And you never know, you might actually end up liking the games that come with them. Or at least get good enough to roast your friends every time you play.