001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

Not twenty four hour, but it kinda feels like it sometimes. You can have them for a day if you want and I'll do science stuff. For science!

[boobwindow]

Noo thanks. I've had enough cameras in my face at some of the Swear-Ins.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah? Does that kinda thing happen a lot at an event like that?

[boobwindow]

The media presence at the ceremonies can be a pain in the ass, especially if they're after a juicy story.

And there was one ceremony where a horde of doctors were invited and tried to shame people into getting plastic surgery to promote their practices. They also were incredibly inappropriate with a lot of the women.

[ferrisbuellean]

Huh. Well, lets just hope those guys don't show up again, otherwise they'll be the ones needing plastic surgery.

[boobwindow]

I don't think you'd want your crew filming that.

[ferrisbuellean]

Or maybe I would. It's add some extra drama. Probably much needed.

[boobwindow]

Getting kidnapped by a sentient machine gone wild isn't dramatic enough?

[ferrisbuellean]

Apparently that's not enough for them. They prefer the whole at each others throats kinda deal. Which is a damn shame for them because I'm not a confrontational kinda guy. If they wanted hicks getting into something that can barely be classed as a fight, they shoulda picked a bailiff or bounty hunter show.

[boobwindow]

A non-confrontational lawyer? Admittedly haven't met many, but that might be a first.

[ferrisbuellean]

My face is too pretty to get involved in confrontations, and I never argue, I just win.

[boobwindow]

Right. If you say so.

[ Men. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

Well, technically you just let the other person argue with themselves until they lose, but... details.

[Or just act like a smug asshole long enough for them to leave. That's a win too.]

I'm sorry, I don't think I ever caught your name.

[boobwindow]

It's Karen. Karen Starr.

Nice to meet you, I suppose.

[ferrisbuellean]

You suppose? What's that supposed to mean? Not exactly welcoming for a newbie to hear.

[boobwindow]

Hey, I'm still deciding for myself.

[ Kind of charming, but also quite the ego. A dangerous mix. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

Can I help with that deciding? Maybe move it along a little faster?

[Charming and ego is the best mix, kthx.]

[boobwindow]

[ She lets out a laugh. ]

I'll go at my own pace, buddy.

[ferrisbuellean]

Guess I'll just have to be patient. But if you ever wanna hurry the process along, let me know. I'm sure a few drinks might help the decision.

[boobwindow]

You'll be waiting a long time.

[ She doesn't get drunk so she's a cheater!! ]

[ferrisbuellean]

I can wait a long time if it's with you.

[Assuming she's hot. plz let her be hot.]

[boobwindow]

Do you just say that to all the women?

[ferrisbuellean]

I take my chances on all of humanity from time to time. Equal opportunities kinda guy.

[boobwindow]

How sweet.

Not interested.

[ferrisbuellean]

Ouch.

But fear not, I'm not trying to creep on you. Just trying to make a few friends in this lonely place.