001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[ferrisbuellean]

Hey, you get enough people with enough power under one roof, aka the Government, and you're gonna get some shady business. Same as anywhere though. If people seriously think the Government are the worst, they really need to work in law for like... a day. Literally a day is all it takes.

[selfequipped]

Oh, the government is plenty shady.

I just like complaining about the shady things they actually do. Like branding us. Or forcing us to take their dog tags and then claiming it has nothing to do with the military. Or whatever else.

[ferrisbuellean]

Ugh, I know, right? The tattoos are just creepy. And all this talk of them tracking us? Sounds totally not shady at all.

[selfequipped]

They're a little lazy about it, but yeah. Several steps above whatever the NSA got caught doing.

And all because they're allowed to. We're aliens, even without the ... actually wide amount of alien features.

[ferrisbuellean]

Right, so normal rules don't apply to us because we're not, by their standards, from around here. That bodes really well for actual visitors from out of space in the future.

[selfequipped]

Miiiiight be a bit harder to collar extraterrestrials.

[ferrisbuellean]

I dunno, I've seen it in movies. That means it must be real.

[selfequipped]

The aliens I know are not easily collared, anyway.

First hand experience!

[ferrisbuellean]

You know aliens?

[selfequipped]

A few, yeah. It's not really a big thing. [Except for when there are Skrull invasions.

Then it kind of is.]

[ferrisbuellean]

It's a pretty big thing where I'm from. Aliens are what you see in movies and read about, not real things.

[selfequipped]

... Would it help if I said they mostly look like us? Humans, I mean.

[ferrisbuellean]

Humanoid aliens or like... shapeshifters?

[He can't believe he's even asking that.]

[selfequipped]

Booooth? I mean, there are different species.

[ferrisbuellean]

You know multiple species? Awesome. Do you know any Wookies?

[selfequipped]

No.

But something tells me that's a reference I'm missing.

[ferrisbuellean]

Seriously? Star Wars?

[selfequipped]

Yeah, see, I haven't seen it, which is apparently blasphemous.

[ferrisbuellean]

That seriously is. What is wrong with you?

[selfequipped]

I actually like high quality movies.

[ferrisbuellean]

Exactly, so how have you not seen it yet?

[selfequipped]

Actual high quality! I made it through, oh, the first five minutes? That might be an exaggeration.

[ferrisbuellean]

I don't think we can talk ever again.

[selfequipped]

Your loss. Greater men have overcome my disinterest in Star Wars.

[ferrisbuellean]

We could always watch something else together. Like Spaceballs.