001 | video

[ferrisbuellean]

[The video feed pans on to a well dressed, perfectly presented guy offering a winning smile as he sits in the booth of some fancy bar, all wood and leather, while nursing a glass of whiskey. Someone else is holding the camera and there's enough shaky cam and unfocused zooming to make the Bourne franchise jealous.]

Hey there. Do you like watching a ridiculously good looking man do law stuff? Want to watch him play some nondescript puzzle game on his phone for an entire hour? If yes, then have I got a surprise for you. If no, watch it anyway because apparently I need the ratings.

Jeff Winger here, Lawyer at Large and city hero bringing you a brand new series about me. [Another oh-so charming smile and a dramatic point to the camera.] And law!

Danger! Intrigue! Thrills! These are some things you'll probably never see in my show, but watch it anyway because hey, you might just strike it lucky. And ladies, you might just strike it lucky with me.

[Smirk smirk smirk, pause and then a glance off camera to someone, smugness replaced with a curious furrow of brows.] You guys do know I was disbarred ri-- [And the feed ends.]

Comments

[dogsled]

Well--good. You might try the long way, some time. you might find that you enjoy it.

[ferrisbuellean]

The long way?

[dogsled]

Campfires and conversation.

[ferrisbuellean]

That's the boring way.

[dogsled]

Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

[ferrisbuellean]

So long as I'm under no obligation to answer it, sure.

[dogsled]

How long did your longest relationship last?

[ferrisbuellean]

Forty years. I can include myself in this, right?

[dogsled]

Not who I had in mind, no.

[ferrisbuellean]

What about your longest relationship, Dudley? And your horse and wolf don't count.

[dogsled]

[ He scratches his nose. ] You mean my lifelong love affair with Canada is out of the question?

[ferrisbuellean]

Yup, that doesn't count either.

[dogsled]

Does it count if I sent her to prison for a decade?

[ferrisbuellean]

I dunno, depends. Did you visit her or write to her frequently? Not sure it counts if you just abandon them for ten year.s

[dogsled]

I couldn't really...face her. [ Awkward. ] Could you?

[ferrisbuellean]

You actually personally put her away? Awkward. Not sure. Depends how good you are at apologising. Me personally? I don't think I'd have put her away in the first place. I'm more for getting people out of jail, not into it.

[dogsled]

Well, she was a guilty of grand theft.

You still haven't answered the question yourself.

[ferrisbuellean]

Eh, grand theft isn't so bad. At least she wasn't a serial killer.

[He's not so sure even he could let a serial killer roam the streets. Jeff has some standards, kthx.]

Okay, fine, seeing as you were honest. Uuh, probably not longer than a year. I mean it depends on how we're defining relationships.

[dogsled]

At the time, no.

[ He doesn't want to speak about Victoria any more than that. It's a sign of his healing that he brought her up at all. ]

And I suppose we could define it as a romantic entanglement in which you are not the only one to demonstrate feelings. A year isn't so bad, but--have you ever thought about family? Settling down?

[ferrisbuellean]

[Not gonna push the woman thing because serial killer ladies are not even something he wants to touch upon.]

Well, it's not so much unrequited love. It's more just... friends with benefits. Not really boyfriend/girlfriend stuff.

[dogsled]

[ Friends with benefits? That doesn't sound right. What sort of benefits do friends provide? ]

And do you commonly require alcohol to instigate this...benefit?

[ferrisbuellean]

Not usually, actually. My charm is enough.

[dogsled]

Well then, my point... I suppose. How long have you known these friends that you have benefits with? Years?

[ferrisbuellean]

Uh, yeah sure, one of them. Some of them I just meet and keep it going. Doesn't have to be someone I've know for ages. You know how friends with benefits work, right...?

[dogsled]

Not exactly, but I imagine you're about to explain it to me?

[ And now you'd better, Jeff, so enjoy that. ]