001: first prayer, voice-video

[angelfire]

"If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down from hence: For it is written, He shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee: And in their hands they shall bear thee up, lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone." Poor baby.

The prophets wrote that Jesus, having resurrected, first presented himself to Mary Magdalene, who did not recognize him. Well, that's a classical telling. 'The women' is a more accurate translation. So I did that. They had cookies. [ A thoughtful clucking sound is attached to the disassociated voice. ] Then he came down upon his disciples, and broke bread with them. Would you be surprised to know just how many Satanists there are in Florida? They were very accommodating.

[ The camera is turned upwards. Here, at last, is an (unfortunately) familiar face for those who have been here for a while. Lucifer doesn't look like much otherwise, just another steely eyed, rough featured imPort making his introductions. There are wounds healing on his - admittedly pale - face that look like they might have been some kind of deep tissue radiation burn. Still, he doesn't seem to be in any pain--he looks kind of cheerful. ]

I really don't know what I did to deserve a military escort, but I'm more than happy to know that I've engendered such respect in the human population here. Well--respect; fear; one is so very much like the other.

Now then, why don't we start with some introductions. [ He tapped his lip with one finger, considering where to start. ] I have a number of names, most largely unnecessary, but Lucifer will do. For the uneducated amongst you, that means I'm an archangel. For the heathens--well, sucks to be you; you have fun with that. [ The amusement is clear in the crinkles about his eyes. ] Furthermore, I'm delighted to announce that very soon I'll be usurping the airtime of a televangelist near you. Television exposure, a sponsorship from DRV Games, the adoration of my fans-- [ He drawls, it's difficult to tell whether or not he's being sarcastic: ] It's like a dream come true.

Oh, and Dean? Hello darling. Let's have a little chat, shall we? Happy belated Easter, chickens.

Comments

[angelfire]

Something else you can blame God for; I had nothing to do with it.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, still not sure I'm going in for the whole belief in God thing. This place doesn't prove any religion is real or right, it just proves that it's one big shitshow.

[angelfire]

It's hard to disbelieve something when you've seen it with your own eyes.

[ferrisbuellean]

You could say that. And yet I live in a world of make believe. I live in a world where the imagination creates everything from super hero comics to ridiculously high budget sci fi films, all of which thought up by the ideals and interests of a writer. A world where a caped crusader is nothing but ink on a page.

So. You can imagine my vague surprise when I find out the very characters I've read about as a child are suddenly bounding around here with their costumes and powers trying to save the day. Characters I know from pages suddenly exist. And what is the bible? Pages. Pages in a book and nothing more. The fact that God or the Devil-- sorry, Lucifer, can show up in a place like this doesn't mean they exist in my world too, it just means they exist in some world.

[angelfire]

So what you're saying is--the pages of a book brought me to life.

Wait, where have I read that before--The Neverending Story?

[ferrisbuellean]

And the Pagemaster and-- That's not important! I'm not saying a book brought you to life! I'm saying that... [Shit, Abed was right all along about all of this alternate universe stuff and Jeff hates him for it. >(]

Ugh.

Maybe every world has it's own fact and fiction.

[angelfire]

Just you keep telling yourself that.

Do you think that other countries stop existing simply because you don't visit them? It's the same principle. And does a tree falling in a forest simply not make a sound, just because there's nobody around to hear it?

Is it so difficult to believe that something is still there, outside of your personal experience, just because you haven't experienced it?

[ferrisbuellean]

Does Batman actually exist in my world even though no one has ever seen him and there's a person who made him up?!

Point is, I don't care.

I don't care if you or God exists back home, I really don't. You apparently exist here, right now, so that's something.

[angelfire]

I have to admit, you make a good argument. Why am I not more surprised?

[ He isn't remotely surprised. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

And that is why I should be your lawyer.

If I can argue that someone might not exist to their face, then I can argue anything. Fact!

[angelfire]

Well, I still have to say that I'm offended that you think I'm no more real than Batman, but I'll take what I can get. I'm very impressed with your--God given talent.

[ferrisbuellean]

Yeah, God given, hilarious. Hey, take it as a compliment. Batman is pretty awesome.

[angelfire]

You are a nerd. A nerdy nerd nerd.

[ferrisbuellean]

Super hero movies are mainstream now.

[angelfire]

Comic books are still niche. I bet you role play, too.

[ferrisbuellean]

In the bedroom? Pretty personal assumption there.

[Yup, he's being purposefully obtuse.]

[angelfire]

Oh please, like I don't already know the answer to that is yes.

[ferrisbuellean]

Do you know all the answers already?

[angelfire]

If I did, what would be the point in asking questions?

[ So not a yes or a no. ]

[ferrisbuellean]

Becaaaause... [Thinking, thinkiiiing.] ...you want to hear the answers from the person themselves. See how many lies and untruths and embellishments start rising up. Hey, I'd do it just to watch them squirm, no different than toying with someone on the witness stand.

[angelfire]

You're just such a bad man.

[ferrisbuellean]

Hah, coming from Lucifer. But no, seriously, I'm no super villain, I'm just a lawyer.

[angelfire]

The same thing, really. And I'm not a man at all, I'm just dressed like one. You see, I role play too.

[ferrisbuellean]

Oh, sure, because it's not like lawyers help people. [Gawd, Lucifer, Jeff can be a good guy!]

So you're just wearing a man skin? Do you have a normal form?

[angelfire]

Oh don't be like that. Guilty, not guilty. Sinner, not a sinner. Decision making was never supposed to be easy, and I mean you start including all these complex rules, multiple religions with hundreds of sects and variations--oh, and atheists.

Honestly, justice is simpler.

And yes I do. You don't know your lore, do you?