text, from Joseph Joestar's communicator

[heavyhitter]

ok whos the asshole that stole my housemates
seriously all 3, just gone. these are grown ass men who should at least be hard to fit out the window, so what gives
was it one of u, new kids???? show up and start thieving dudes?? fork em over i wasnt done with those losers yet

missing: 1 kotetsu 1 hal 1 oliver, if seen return to ramir
no reward



ps this is ramir not joseph, some asshat ALSO stole my phone, WHAT GIVES THIS PLACE IS FULL OF CRIME. WE NEED A HERO TO GET ON TOP OF THAT.

Comments

[enigmaestro]

Well as long as I'm still your employer, I guess I can live with that.

Do you get a watch that can signal for him when necessary? I would have given you a watch.

[heavyhitter]

god yeah obviously, dont all besties come with that?? anytime i wanna go shopping there he is, its great
would U be there whenever i want to do shopping?

[enigmaestro]

Not unless "shopping" is code for something else.

[heavyhitter]

man i WISH, have u seen that dudes chiseled chin
huuuuuge pecs, i bet his abs look amazing

[enigmaestro]

Pectorals are hardly the most impressive muscle inherent to the human body.

[heavyhitter]

yeah ur brain muscle looks real nice too eddie but im talking arms like redwoods right now

[enigmaestro]

I admit, I have too little faith in you.

I thought you'd go for the nether regions joke.

[heavyhitter]

well no lie i thought about it but HEY i can go classy when i want to

[enigmaestro]

So now I know that you want to 3% of the time.

Just kidding, don't hit me.

[heavyhitter]

dont worry i wouldnt hit u! ur way too fragile for that, itd be no fun

[enigmaestro]

Should I ask you what WOULD be fun? Dare I?

[heavyhitter]

u know what would be great, if i put u up somewhere u couldnt get down from. like a high shelf.

[enigmaestro]

As long as you don't use the word "elf" in concert with "shelf" we may be able to find some middle ground.

[heavyhitter]

i would never, ur not nearly creepy enough to be in that league

[enigmaestro]

This means you can't use "leprechaun" in any context, as well. They're similar. It counts.

[heavyhitter]

look has this been an issue for u, u seem sensitive

[enigmaestro]

I'm not sensitive.

[heavyhitter]

falsehood

[enigmaestro]

I'll have you know that's trademarked.

[heavyhitter]

r u gonna sue me because i was too accurate

[enigmaestro]

You said ONE WORD, how are you measuring accuracy?

[heavyhitter]

with my stunning intuition

[enigmaestro]

Amazing how Broadway hasn't seemed to beckon you.

[heavyhitter]

broadway WISHES i had the time

[enigmaestro]

All of Broadway. Collectively. Not just the street.

And they say I have an ego.