maskormenace | [03] Video

[ The video feed starts with Walt in a room in his Heropa home, an open box on the bed filled with Kaylee's things -- coveralls neatly folded and tucked inside, wrenches and other tools laid delicately on top...the whole process seems exceedingly painful for him as with each item he pulls out of the closet, the efforts become slow and labored. ]

I don't know who knew Kaylee Frye. If you didn't, you should have. I've never met anyone so genuinely cheerful and kind. She was the sunshine in this dark, cloudy world.

[ There's a very sad, forlorn smile. This feels more like a funeral, like saying goodbye to someone who passed away. And in some cases it's worse -- them vanishing to another universe, never to remember their time here, never to be seen again. ]

She helped me when she didn't have to. She cared when she shouldn't have. She took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself. And what did she expect in return? Nothing.

[ With a long pause, it's very clear Walt is trying to maintain his composure. A breath in and a breath out. ]

I hoped I was wrong. I hoped to god I was wrong. That her disappearance was only temporary. But it's been a few weeks, and there's been no sign of her returning. I will miss her. Every day I will miss her. I already do.

This world -- it's done nothing but take things away. From me. From everyone else. Can you honestly say you've gained anything from being here?

[ Walt goes to reach into the closet for one of the final items and his hand twitches back. The sadness in the lines of his face increases as he pulls out a wrapped present -- a card reading: To Mr. White.

That's when Walt can't hold it back anymore. He sits on the edge of the bed, pulls the square-shaped present to his chest and cries. ]

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I have some freedom here. That's more than I can say for home.

[but despite the fact that she's directly answering a question, even Lapis knows that this whole thing really isn't about her. she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear and then plunges forward - while it's clear that she's not particularly well-versed in giving comfort, it's just as obvious that she's speaking from a place of intimate experience.]

I'm sorry this happened to you. It's harder when you lose people like this, because you know that they're not dead - they've just forgotten you. There's nothing worse in the world than being forgotten by something important to you.

...I wish I knew some way to fix it. But you're not alone, if that matters.

[she hasn't lost people here, but the way departures are handled reminds her painfully of what had happened on Homeworld. no one knew her anymore - she didn't even recognize her own planet. it was unbearable.]

Thank you. For your kind words of understanding.

[ Because very few people have come here with understanding. Just more of the same battles Walt has been struggling to fight. ]

And I guess the one solidarity we can find is that this is something that will inevitably happen to all of us. Losing someone this way. Unless we ourselves are the one who is lost.

[ Which would be the best case scenario for Walt. To go back to the permanence of death... ]

[there's not a lot that Lapis understands while trapped on a foreign planet, but the things she does are almost universally sad. it's only right that she try and extend some sort of help to others unfortunate enough to experience them as well.]

It's not much of anything to look forward to. [h-haha, wouldn't she know.] I think it's better to remember that you knew someone well enough that the loss hurts.

[ That does earn her a smile. ]

I guess....I will have to remember her enough for the both of us, then? Since she won't be remember while she's away.

Yeah. And if she comes back, that just means you have the opportunity to be an even better friend. [she smiles, the expression as hesitant as the joke.] You know, since you'll already know everything she likes.

[ Walt laughs. ]

Well, I certainly hope if she comes back the porter isn't so cruel as to rob her of her memories of her time here.

I guess I still assume the worst is going to happen in most cases. [she shrugs a little.] But I hope she does remember, if you see her again. It would be better for everyone.

That's no way to think.

[ Walt says this even though he's the biggest pessimist around... ]

For a lot of people, this place isn't so bad.

[ A lot of people that aren't Walt. ]

It's the best I have right now. [she can freely admit that.] But...it's hard to shake off old habits sometimes.

New world, new mindset? Maybe that can be something to consider? To try and change that old way of thinking.

It's a little more complicated than that. But I'm still going to try and change it.

[this is still the same planet, even with a great number of her troubles removed (for the time being). Lapis knows that this is all the highest form of self-indulgence given her fate upon returning to her own world, but she also knows that it's important. she needs to do this for herself.

new world, old world. it doesn't matter so long as she finds her purpose.]

Is it complicated? Or are we both just trying to make excuses to stay in our own comfort levels?

I don't really know anything about you. [honest, but not meant to be hurtful. it's just the truth.] But for me...this planet is toxic. There's nothing but bad memories here, even in another universe.

[ Walt doesn't take it as anything offensive. It's honest. He can tell that much. But he nods in agreement. ]

It's not so much the planet that's toxic for me, but the people on the planet.

Humans never did anything to me. We brought all of that with us.

[it was so sad to have finally arrived at that conclusion - everything that had happened, right down to ever setting foot on this godforsaken speck of rock, was because of gems. even before she'd lost thousands of years to the mirror, her people were ruining her.]

Oh.

[ Well what can Walt say to that? ]

I'm sorry to hear that.

Me too.

[she sighs deeply, wrapping her arms around herself. there was so much she would happily give if it meant having never come to this planet.]

[03] Video

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