maskormenace | ♋ 001 TEXT;

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OKAY. YES. OKAY.

WELL, HELLO THERE, HUMANS. ALL OF YOU ARE LOOKING VERY ALIVE AND I HOPE YOU'RE HAVING A PLEASANT DAY, GOING ABOUT YOUR VARIOUS BUSINESSES SUCH AS "BEING ON PLANET EARTH" AND "EXISTING" AND "HOLY SHIT, WHAT." SO NO NEED TO STOP DOING THAT IF I'M INTERRUPTING!

HEY, LISTEN, I GET IT, IF I HAD SOME IMPORTANT SHIT TO GET DONE AND THEN SOME CLUELESS LOBELEAKER TRIED BARGING IN AND DEMANDING TO BE CAUGHT UP TO SPEED, I'D BE PRETTY FED UP WITH THAT MYSELF. AS THOUGH SOMEHOW YOU SHOULD ALL BE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS IGNORANCE, RIGHT? MAYBE THERE'S A REASON NO ONE BROUGHT HIM INTO THE LOOP, NOT THAT HE EVER STOPPED TO CONSIDER HOW IT MIGHT AFFECT YOU.

SO YEAH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT. SOME PEOPLE MIGHT LAUNCH INTO SOME SORT OF SELF-IMPORTANT SCREED THAT WOULD BE MORE ACCURATELY CHARACTERIZED AS A SHITFIT, DEMANDING INFORMATION AS THOUGH THEY'RE ENTITLED TO IT AND FLINGING CAUSTIC REMARKS AND OBSCENITIES AT ANYONE FOOLISH ENOUGH TO GET IN TYPING RANGE, BUT NOT ME.

I'LL JUST BE OVER HERE WAITING PATIENTLY, STARING AROUND ME IN SLACK JAWED WONDER LIKE A CONTENT AND EXTREMELY CORDIAL BARKBEAST, WELL AWARE OF HIS OWN RELATIVE LACK OF SIGNIFICANCE IN THIS AND ALL UNIVERSES AND TOTALLY AT PEACE WITH IT. SERIOUSLY, I'M BOGGLING AT THESE DEVELOPMENTS BUT ALSO WISED UP TO THE TRUTH THAT THIS IS MERELY ONE OF MANY THINGS I AM NOT QUALIFIED TO EITHER CONTRIBUTE TO OR UNDERSTAND.

OH, BUT, AND THIS IS A SUPER, SUPER LOW PRIORITY, JUST IF YOU HAVE A SPARE MOMENT AND YOU AREN'T TOO TIRED FROM HUMANING ALL DAY, WOULD SOMEONE MIND JUST LETTING ME KNOW: WHAT THE FUCK?

THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

WHOA.
NO.
HOLD ON, HOLD THE FUCKING AUDIOHOOK.
I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO ELABORATE ON THAT, NOT CONTINUE YOUR INTERROGATION.
WHY DON'T YOU AND KANAYA GET ALONG?
FAR BE IT FOR ME TO SAY EVERYONE HAS TO GET ALONG WITH KANAYA, OR FAULT SOMEONE FOR HAVING SHIT WITH HER, BUT.
SHE'S ALSO ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS.
AND YOU ARE ASKING ME NO END OF PERSONAL QUESTIONS HERE, WHICH I HAVE OBLIGED, BUT FOR SOME REASON I'VE BEEN UNDER THE IMPRESSION YOU AND SHE WERE FRIENDS.
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE BECAUSE YOU IMPLIED IT.
AND, YOU KNOW, MAYBE YOU WERE INTERESTED IN ALL OF THIS BECAUSE WE HAVE A MUTUAL FRIEND, SO CLEARLY IT'S FINE AND DANDY FOR ME TO SHARE THE PERSONAL ANSWERS TO THOSE PERSONAL QUESTIONS.
SO I'M GOING TO NEED YOU TO CLARIFY THIS BEFORE YOU CONTINUE ASKING ME TO EXPLAIN MY ASTOUNDINGLY FUCKED UP LIFE STORY THAT MAYBE ISN'T A WALK IN THE RECREATION RING FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT, ALL FOR YOUR EDIFICATION AND INTEREST AND WHATEVER OTHER PURPOSES A PERFECT STRANGER WHO DOESN'T GET ALONG SO WELL WITH KANAYA MIGHT HAVE.

[ Ugh. This is why honesty doesn't pay. If she'd just let him continue laboring under that misapprehension... ]

Kanaya just doesn't like me. I don't know why, I think she's fine, but I don't know, she thinks my personality is bad or that I'm stupid or something. Ask her, because I've never been very clear about why. Anyway, if you're worried, I've not done anything actually really substantially harmful to her, I've just scolded her a few times for her refusal to believe that the future could POSSIBLY be a good one. Also I think she's tetchy that I don't think that the spirit of the Porter is the same as what she thinks it is, possibly? Anyway, that's my entire side of the story. Nothing better than that. Anyway, I'm interested in what happened to you because I'm interested in YOU. You were really sweet to me, so I'm worried about what happened to you in your homeworld. PLUS I'm worried about what happened to your homeworld, because we've had bits of nastiness from peoples' homes invade here before and I'd like to know what to look out for. And ALSO PLUS I'm interested in stories of people traveling between worlds.

[Sigh. Okay. That doesn't sound so bad. There's a moment where he's silent, partially out of embarrassment at being called sweet and having her being interested in it. But the automatic defensiveness at least cools down a little.]

OKAY. YEAH. OKAY.
I THINK I GET IT.
WHAT I'M HEARING IS THAT YOU HAVE A HABIT OF PRYING INTO HER PERSONAL BUSINESS AND SHARING YOUR OPINIONS ABOUT IT.
I DON'T FIND THAT HARD TO IMAGINE, HAVING KNOWN YOU FOR ABOUT TEN MINUTES AND ALREADY HAVING GOTTEN TWENTY QUESTIONS AND A BLANKET ASSESSMENT OF MY PERSONALITY.
AS A GENERAL RULE PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING MEDDLED WITH AND SCOLDED.
ON THE OTHER PRONG IF THAT'S WHY KANAYA DISLIKES YOU THEN THAT'S COMPLETELY HILARIOUS, BUT STILL.
IF ANYTHING IT MAKES EVEN MORE SENSE, NO ONE LIKES HAVING THEIR OWN FAULTS OBNOXIOUSLY THROWN BACK IN THEIR FACE.

MAYBE BACK OFF, IF SHE WANTS TO BE PESSIMISTIC ABOUT THE FUTURE AND THE NATURE OF WHATEVER IS BRINGING US HERE, SHE'S EARNED THAT.
SHE CERTAINLY DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE SCOLDED FOR HER ATTITUDE, SHE'S ONE OF THE MOST REASONABLE PEOPLE YOU'LL EVER MEET AND EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE WITH HER FEELINGS, YOU CAN'T CALL THEM WRONG. THEY'RE JUST DIFFERENT.
TROLLS IN GENERAL, AND PARTICULARLY TROLLS WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH ARE NECESSARILY GOING TO HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE THAN A HUMAN.

BUT YEAH. OKAY. I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.
I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF ANYONE LIKES OR DISLIKES MY FRIENDS AS LONG AS NOTHING "SUBSTANTIALLY HARMFUL" IS IN THE MIX.

[ Kitty starts to type something a bit plucky about how reasonable people don't typically -- But then she decides, no, not worth it. It wouldn't lead to anything good. At best a fight with Kanaya, at worst she'll seem like (or, more accurately, be) the sort of person who tries to undermine friendships in a sneaky and underhanded way. So...Nah.

Instead: ]

OK. So, about your world...

[Yeah, probably not the best move. There's essentially nothing she could say that wouldn't have him launching into a defense, anyway.]

MY WORLD. WHAT ABOUT IT?
I GUESS FIRST THINGS FIRST, IF WHAT WE WERE DEALING WITH BACK HOME SHOWS UP HERE, THIS PLANET IS FUCKED. BUT IT SEEMS THAT IT WAS SPARED SOMEHOW, SO I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT IT. YOU'RE EITHER FUCKED OR YOU AREN'T, THERE'S REALLY NOTHING ELSE TO KNOW.

But there's still the game. Right? There's still something you get out of playing it.

SORT OF. YOU GET TO MAKE A NEW UNIVERSE. AND MAYBE THERE'S SOMETHING LIKE A PROMISE TO BECOME GODS OF THAT UNIVERSE AND ITS INHABITANTS THAT COULD APPEAL TO THE UNSCRUPULOUS OR TERMINALLY INSECURE.

OTHERWISE, EH. THE REWARD IS ESSENTIALLY NOT DYING ALONG WITH THE REST OF YOUR SPECIES.

Is there any way to break through the game? To get to the people actually running it?

GOSH! WHAT A QUESTION. YOU KNOW, THIS ENTIRE TIME, WE NEVER CONSIDERED WHETHER THERE COULD BE A WAY TO BREAK OUT OF THIS CLUSTERFUCK AND TAKE CONTROL. HAS YOUR INCISIVE THINKING SAVED US?

FUCK, LISTEN. WE'RE NOT ROLLING OVER AND DYING. THERE ARE PLANS IN MOTION THAT WILL HOPEFULLY BE SUCCESSFUL? BUT I'M NOT THE GUY TO EXPLAIN THEM. I KNOW I'M NOT THE REPRESENTATIVE TO INSTILL CONFIDENCE, BUT BELIEVE IT OR NOT WE HAVE THIS UNDER CONTROL.

OK, no need to be an arsehole. Sometimes a question is a question. And that was a question, not some suggestion. So maybe calm down a tick.

I AM CALM. I'M PERFECTLY CALM. I'M JUST, AS YOU SAID, BEING AN ASSHOLE. THAT'S A STATE OF BEING WITH WHICH I AM CONSTANTLY FAMILIAR. IN ADDITION, TO YOU KNOW, BEING A GOOD NATURED RAY OF SUNSHINE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU ASSUMED ABOUT ME. IF WE CONTINUE TO CONVERSE I'M GOING TO BE AN ASSHOLE A SIGNIFICANT PERCENTAGE OF THE TIME AND YOU PROBABLY NEED TO FUCKING DEAL WITH IT.

LOOK. I'M SORRY. I KNOW I DON'T CONVEY A SENSE OF CONFIDENCE BUT WE'VE BEEN WORKING ON THIS STUFF FOR A LONG TIME. IF I'M GIVING THE IMPRESSION WE'RE A BUNCH OF HOPELESS IDIOTS WHO ARE IN OVER OUR HEADS, I'M MAYBE SOMEWHAT PORTRAYING THE SITUATION ACCURATELY BUT ALSO MAYBE COMMITTING AN OFFENSE AGAINST THE MORE CAPABLE MEMBERS OF OUR TEAM.

There was never any point at which I had ANY lack of confidence! Honestly. I was seriously asking because I was asking, not because I think you haven't got a clue of how to proceed.

YEAH.
WELL.
THE ANSWER IS THAT SKAIA ITSELF ISN'T EXACTLY OUR ENEMY. SURE, WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR PLANETS AND OUR LIVES WAS TREMENDOUSLY FUCKED, BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, NONE OF US WOULD EVER HAVE EXISTED WITHOUT IT, EITHER. IT'S MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT, AND THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT ENEMIES TO KILL.

OK. Why wouldn't you have existed, because it wouldn't have created the new universes in some previous iteration of the game?

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