one, text

[whoneedsadream]

[ man alive, he still is having trouble getting the hang of this device. That's what happens when you go straight from landlines to the internet. So, needless to say, Anatoly has figured out how to use text and is JUST USING TEXT, mostly to spare himself a bit of embarrassment.

and he has questions. oh he has so many questions. but he's going to start with the most obvious one. ]

I play chess.
Your government saw fit to place me in a job working at a pawn shop.
Has anyone else been victim of this terrible sense of humor?

[ there's an unspoken 'or did they just have it out for me.' no comment on the fact that the id is a CLEARLY Russian name, no comment on the fact that he's from 1980s, he is just taking this one confusing step at a time. ]

Comments

[rathercommon]

It happens to a lot of people, yeah. Yours is cleverer than most, though.

[whoneedsadream]

Are terrible puns considered clever nowadays?

[darkgame]

I hope you don't intend to rook your customers.

[whoneedsadream]

Of course not. Then, my employer would have to check my every move.

[debauchewy]

debt collector. im still figuring that 1 out.

[Not true, it's pretty obvious when you know him. Taking what's owed to him, after it sits and sits and gets bigger and bigger and then he can show up and strip it all away....]

[Still, way more paper work than he'd ever put the effort in.]

[whoneedsadream]

Good to know that I'm not alone in my confusion.

[ because yeah, debt collector? Huh. ]

[bindsthedead]

Well, they thought setting a necromancer to work in a graveyard was a good idea.

Still, I'm the kind that makes things stay dead, so it worked out.

[whoneedsadream]

I'm sorry, you say you're a necromancer?

[ because WHAT. ]

[notyourfathersosborn]

No, you're definitely not the only one. I thought mine was a joke too.

[whoneedsadream]

May I ask what your job is?

[hisheartsdesire]

How about Vegemite model for someone from Britain?
Not that I've ever actually consumed Vegemite. Or Marmite.
I don't even have a reflection.

[Don't ask how he still has this job. No, really, just don't.]

[whoneedsadream]

[ first necromancers, now this guy who doesn't have a reflection, what the hell has he gotten himself into ]

How come you don't have a reflection?

text;

[willinglychanged]

I'm a hella hairy werewolf. Hardly ever shave.

They made me a barber, man.

text;

[whoneedsadream]

[ again, why the fuck is he dealing with werewolves, this is the least normal part of this situation. ]

You're actually a werewolf.

permavoice bc eff texting;

[nostalgiabomb]

Hey, they put me at a pawnshop my first go around, too.

Someone pawned a carousel horse, at some point. It had a place of honor in the corner of the store.

permatext because how does I shot communicator

[whoneedsadream]

I'll have to keep an eye out for that one. I wonder if we're working at the same shop?

[cartesianspidertank]

Pawn shops don't have anything to do with chess! 'Pawn' is being used in it's verb form, rather than in the noun form.

[whoneedsadream]

I know that. That's why I made a comment about the government's sense of humor.
It's a joke.

[tardily]

I'm a real CSI at home. The government decided tht meant I'd be a really good fact checker one of the crime shows where science is really relative.

And a friend's an engineer and now he's assigned graphic t-shirt designing because he wears a bunch.

[whoneedsadream]

So it seems that well thought out decisions are a rarity.
Still, nice to know that I'm not alone with this.

ID says Trevor Zeitlan

[gabriel_gray]

You play chess?
Is that all?

[whoneedsadream]

That's enough for me.

[slightlyoffchilt]

It's a little funny.

[whoneedsadream]

Isn't there an expression about puns being the lowest form of humor?
I think that applies here.

[steeletto]

Looks like you did't play it well enough.

[whoneedsadream]

Or, the government simply has a terrible sense of humor. I'm betting on the latter.

[paintjobs]

Trust me, yes. They originally made me a chauffeur.

[whoneedsadream]

I'm afraid I'll need more context in order to understand why that's so ridiculous.

text; comm ID is "Peter Parker"

[shutterbugged]

Wow. I mean, I feel bad for you, but that's also pretty funny, you have to admit.

[ Who says Spider-Man has a sophisticated sense of humor? No one, that's who. ]

But no, you're not alone. I didn't get any puns, just the most undignified version of my actual job back home.

[ Or rather what would have been his actual job if he hadn't gotten fired right before being 'ported in -- not Peter's finest moment, but y'know, details. ]

text;

[whoneedsadream]

[ so sophisticated, Pete. ]

Let me guess: a famous chef working at a fast-food restaurant?

[animated]

mine isn't funny so much as just mildly confusing

but i've got a housemate who is a big ol' guy with horns and they made him the mascot for a team called the minotaurs

[whoneedsadream]

You're serious?
What the hell
That's actually kind of mean.

[ and yet he's laughing. poor Iron Bull ]