The Real Stan Pines, Accept No Substitutes (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
oldstandard) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
maskormenace2015-07-16 04:00 pm
oldstandard) wrote in maskormenace2015-07-16 04:00 pm
Entry tags:
- harleen quinzel | harley quinn,
- hiro hamada | n/a,
- tadashi hamada | n/a,
- † agent maine | tank,
- † agent washington | recovery one,
- † athos | n/a,
- † charlie maxwell | n/a,
- † dipper pines | n/a,
- † garfield logan | beast boy,
- † glitch | n/a,
- † hazel lockwood | n/a,
- † jeff winger | wingman,
- † john watson | n/a,
- † mabel pines | n/a,
- † peter quill | star-lord,
- † riku | darkeater,
- † sarah manning | n/a,
- † stan pines | n/a,
- † tachikoma | n/a
[video] Hoo Has Been Eating All of These Kittens? The Answer is Not Surprising. At All.
[The video begins with an upbeat intro tune, and a cartoon font spelling “UnderSTANding Stuff with Mr. Mystery! Episode 1: Writing a Check” appearing underneath a picture of Stan’s face.
Following the intro, you can see an old man pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing loudly, before forcing a smile and donning his used car salesman persona]
Afternoon kids! Mr. Mystery here, and we’re not learning to write checks today. I just don’t know how to change the title card and I’m not willing to learn. So obviously this wasn’t the first episode I’d originally planned, but sometimes life throws you curveballs five minutes before show time and you need to handle that. And by curveballs, I mean we need to address the elephant in the room. And by elephant I mean owl.
You mean Owlfonso?!
[After giving the twins an exasperated look, he turns back towards the camera.] A-hem! Now welcome today’s guest stars, Dipper and Mabel! Now for you, and the kids at home -- but mostly you two, today we’re going to be learning about the food chain! Now what is the food chain? Basically, it’s a list of who eats what. Usually it’s the scarier things on top, but there are exceptions, because spiders exist. Anyway, soft cute things tend to be towards the bottom.
And you know what’s soft and cute? The kittens Dipper keeps sneezing into existence. The kittens that don’t seem to stay a consistent number day to day, but aren’t always increasing. The defenseless, very vulnerable to owl attacks from above kittens.
We've been rehoming them! Iron Bull took like, six.
Woo hoo, six less to go to a horrifying death. How many are left?
Wait, horrifying death!??
Are you not getting what I’m getting at with the defenseless from-- The owl's eating the nose kittens, kids.
[A jaunty ending theme plays.]
Following the intro, you can see an old man pinching the bridge of his nose and sighing loudly, before forcing a smile and donning his used car salesman persona]
Afternoon kids! Mr. Mystery here, and we’re not learning to write checks today. I just don’t know how to change the title card and I’m not willing to learn. So obviously this wasn’t the first episode I’d originally planned, but sometimes life throws you curveballs five minutes before show time and you need to handle that. And by curveballs, I mean we need to address the elephant in the room. And by elephant I mean owl.
You mean Owlfonso?!
[After giving the twins an exasperated look, he turns back towards the camera.] A-hem! Now welcome today’s guest stars, Dipper and Mabel! Now for you, and the kids at home -- but mostly you two, today we’re going to be learning about the food chain! Now what is the food chain? Basically, it’s a list of who eats what. Usually it’s the scarier things on top, but there are exceptions, because spiders exist. Anyway, soft cute things tend to be towards the bottom.
And you know what’s soft and cute? The kittens Dipper keeps sneezing into existence. The kittens that don’t seem to stay a consistent number day to day, but aren’t always increasing. The defenseless, very vulnerable to owl attacks from above kittens.
We've been rehoming them! Iron Bull took like, six.
Woo hoo, six less to go to a horrifying death. How many are left?
Wait, horrifying death!??
Are you not getting what I’m getting at with the defenseless from-- The owl's eating the nose kittens, kids.
[A jaunty ending theme plays.]
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[ video ]
You could have broken that to them a bit more gently.
And, you know, not on the network.
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[This is the voice of a broken child.]
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Re: [ video ]
Also there's only so many times you can get up early to clean up owl puke and bones before the kids get up before you learn you need to be direct.
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Are you bloody serious?
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permavoice;
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[ video ]
[ she really wanted to know how to write a check too... ]
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Glitch kind of stares at this whole thing and the fact the two little kidlets he liked he has inadvertently traumatized. There's a long pause before he starts the video and answers: ]
Um...so, uh...Dip, Mabes...do yoooooou- want me to take the Owl back now?
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YES. PLEASE.
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video; comm tag is "Hiro"
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permatext
[it's mean, but Hazel's kind of laughing about this whole thing. maybe because she's seen much more horrifying things attempt to eat other things.]
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Also, just a side note, food chains are considered a pretty outdated form of illustrating the natural world. It's all about food webs now.
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...Where does a skateboarding owl fit into a food web?
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VOICE;
They own an owl?
[Sorry, Stan. Wash is judging your parenting (grunkling?) abilities pretty harshly right now.]
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[It's rude to refuse gifts.]
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[Seriously like, what is the problem here.]
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voice; SORRY I HAD 2
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Holy shit, she'd saved them from certain death.]
I have never been so happy to be manipulated.
[You poor kids.]
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[She says, sadly. So sadly.]
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[Ken knew that owls were carnivores but.]
[give him a sec]
The owl has to go.
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( video )
lies! lies! of course he does he needs something soft and fluffy to love) but if they get the farm up and running then there will be field mice to deal with.Cats are useful for that, aren't they? He's not sure. He should probably ask d'Artagnan. ]
How many do you have left to rehome?
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[Well, not homeless. They're not going to kick it out. But Mabel can sense that there's a chance to match a grumpy old soldier guy with a ball of happy fluff.]
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permatext; comm tag is "Tadashi"
Was public television the best way to talk to them about this?
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[Always look on the bright side of nature!!]
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